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5001
"It ain't over till it's over."
5002
"This is like deja vu all over again."
5003
Phil Rizzuto - "Hey Yogi I think we're lost."
Yogi - "Ya, but we're making great time!"
5004
"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."
5005
" I couldn't tell if the streaker was a man or a woman because it had a bag on it's head."
5006
"You can observe a lot just by watchin'."
5007
"How can you think and hit at the same time?"
5008
"In baseball, you don't know nothin'."
5009
On seeing a Steve McQueen movie: - "He must have made that before he died"
5010
"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."
5011
"Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical"
5012
Mrs. Lindsay - "You certainly look cool." - Yogi - "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."
5013
"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
5014
"I want to thank all those who made this night necessary."
5015
"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."
5016
Interviewer - "Why, you're a fatalist !" - Yogi Berra - "You mean I save postage stamps ? Not me."
5017
"You got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
5018
"Slump ? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin."
5019
"It's pretty far, but it doesn't seem like it."
5020
"It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much."
5021
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it!"
5022
Capitalism is the unequal distribution of wealth.
Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
5023
Lawlessness is the condition in which your adversary refers you to a law he made.
5024
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
5025
It isn't that Liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so much that isn't so.
5026
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges, even where there are no rivers.
5027
I won't say he flew a lot. But he won't start a cabinet meeting until the seat backs and tray tables are locked into the upright position.
5028
The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"
5029
It's the responsibility of the media to look at the president with a microscope, but they go too far when they use a proctoscope.
5030
Do you want to trace your family tree? Run for public office.
5031
I do the very best I know how. The very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end.
5032
In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
5033
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of governement except all the others that have been tried.
5034
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
5035
An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie for his country.
5036
I love my job, it's the work I hate.
5037
Give us the tools and we will finish the job.
5038
We work not only to produce but to give value to time.
5039
I never did a day's work in my life, it was all fun.
5040
Work is a four letter word!
5041
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?
5042
A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind.
5043
Few great men could pass Personnel.
5044
Hardly a competent workman can be found who does not devote a considerable amount of time to studying just how slowly he can work and still convince his employer that he is going at a good pace.
5045
WARNING TO ALL PERSONNEL Firings will continue until moral improves.
5046
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
5047
The secret of acting is sincerity. Once you have learnt to fake that, you're made.
5048
Have a drink. Just a little one to lessen the differences in our characters.
5049
Here's looking at you, kid.
5050
Bad table manners have broken up more households than infidelity.
5051
This is the way I look when I'm sober. It's enough to make a person drink, don't you say?
5052
A man needs a little madness or else...he never dares to cut the rope and be free.
5053
All Battles are fought by scared men who would have rather have been somewhere else.
5054
What's the going price on integrity this week?
5055
Killing is an excellent way of dealing with a hostility problem.
5056
Well, I'll tell you the truth. I ain't no real cowboy, but I'm a hell of a stud.
5057
Nothing wrong with shooting as long as the right people get shot.
5058
What is essential is invisible to the eye. It's only with the heart that one can see clearly.
5059
Use the force, Luke.
5060
You're not too bright. I like that in a man.
5061
No No, I'm not his friend. I'm his wife.
5062
Go ahead, make my day.
5063
It's better to burn out than to fade away!
5064
They say time is the fire, in which we burn.
5065
The world is a beautiful place, and it is worth fighting for.
5066
If it was so, it might and if it were so it would be, but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
5067
From birth to age 18 A girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35 she needs good looks. From 35 to 55 she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.
5068
The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.
5069
Love is like a flower. It shortly dies.
5070
A woman's love is a man's privilege, not his right.
5071
I believe in dragons, good men and other fantasy creatures.
5072
Those who say they can see through women are missing a lot.
5073
I have yet not been able to answer...the great question that has never been answered : What does a woman want?
5074
I'm not happy, I'm cheerful. There's a difference. A happy woman has no cares at all. A cheerful woman has cares but has learned how to deal with them.
5075
The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.
5076
You see an awful lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
5077
Women like the simple things in life, like men.
5078
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
5079
There is no such thing as a totally objective person, except Almighty God if she exists.
5080
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
5081
I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals.
5082
My advice to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias.
5083
A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.
5084
A company is known by the people it keeps.
5085
All organized systems move towards chaos.
5086
Simply pushing harder within the old boundaries will not do.
5087
Many people find it reassuring to think that someone else has the answer; others believe they have it and take control; CEO's frequently benefit from the realization that there is not one answer.
5088
Why is it that if you kill a man in war your are a hero, but if you kill a man outside of war you are called a murderer?
5089
About the military :
If it moves, salute it. If it does not move pick it up. If you can not pick it up,paint it!
5090
Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
5091
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
5092
While your saving your face, you're losing your ass.
5093
There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity.
5094
War is based on deception.
5095
To secure peace is to prepare for war.
5096
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
5097
When the effective leader is finished with his work, the people say it happened naturally.
5098
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
5099
Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.
5100
Life is like a grindstone - whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you're made of.
5101
Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man. (Speaking of Albert Einstein)
5102
A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
5103
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
5104
Advertising Anachronism: 'Fresh Frozen'.
5105
ADVERTISING MAJORS do it with style.
5106
A farmer is always going to be rich next year.
5107
After a certain number of years, our faces become our biographies.
5108
Absence of Evidence is not Evidence of Absence.
5109
A gentleman can disagree without being disagreeable.
5110
It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
5111
Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before anyone else is creativeness.
5112
The only real training for leadership is leadership.
5113
Just cross your hearts, and wait till you die.
5114
Only the shallow know themselves.
5115
Putting a family member in jail is a good sign there is something seriously wrong in the home.
5116
Sometimes when you hit the trail, the trail hits back.
5117
It's not how many times you get thrown, it's how many times you get back on.
5118
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
5119
It's easy to play any musical instrument: all you have to do is touch the right key at the right time and the instrument will play itself.
5120
The aim of every authentic artist is not to conform to the history of art but to release himself from it in order to replace it with his own history.
5121
Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that has.
5122
He who laughs last, hasn't passed out yet.
5123
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to death your right to say it.
5124
My dear child, you must believe in God despite what the clergy tells you.
5125
The Color of the World is changing day by day.
5126
A lot of things change and alot of things stay the same, they mostly stay the same.
5127
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
5128
Impossible only means that you haven't found the solution yet.
5129
We have done so much with so little, for so long that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
5130
People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
5131
One hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time.
5132
It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
5133
When a married man had an affair with a woman twice his age, it could be true love; but when he did so with a woman half his age, it is just pure lust.
5134
Nothing fails like success.
5135
If it ain't fixed continuously, it's broke.
5136
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.
5137
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
5138
Kill 'em all. Let God sort 'em out.
5139
This generation may be the one that will face Armageddon.
5140
And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning.
5141
The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.
5142
It is not the end, it is even not the beginning of the end. It is perhaps the end of the beginning.
5143
I will venture to lay it down for an infallible rule, that, if two persons equal in judgement play for a considerable sum, he that loves money the most shall lose; his anxiety for the success of the game confounds him.
5144
History is a lie agreed upon.
5145
I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.
5146
Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I'm the only person standing between Nixon and the White House.
5147
I would not like to be a political leader in Russia. They never know when they're being taped.
5148
I ain't ever had a job. I just always played baseball.
5149
Individual commitment to a group effort, that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.
5150
I don't know what I am doing here. I can't sing, I can't dance, but just to be sociable I'll fight the best man in the house.
5151
I don't like it, and I'm sorry I ever had anything to do with it.
5152
A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.
5153
Door meten tot weten. (To knowledge by measurement).
5154
It is the business of the future to be dangerous.... The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck the societies in which they occur.
5155 5156
Experience has shown that science frequently develops most fruitfully once we learn to examine the things that seem the simplest, instead of those that seem the most mysterious. Marvin Minsky
5157
There is no gravity, the earth just sucks.
5158
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
5159
If I have seen farther than other men, it is because I stood on the shoulders of giants.
5160
Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe.
5161
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
5162
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
5163
The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the 'social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
5164
Never express yourself more clearly than you think.
5165
In the pure and physical sciences each generation inherits the consequences made by its predecessors, but in the moral sciences, particularly the arts of administration, the ground seems never to be incontestably won.
5166
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it) but "That's funny..."
5167
There is more to life than increasing speed.
5168
It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
5169
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
5170
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
5171
Not to know the past is to be in bondage to it, while to remember, to know, is to be set free.
5172
Consider the past and you shall know the future.
5173
Whether we will philosophize or we won't philosophize, we must philosophize.
5174
I think therefore I am (Ergo Cogito Sum).
5175
I need a prison in order to dream of being free.
5176
Life is what happens to us while we're making other plans.
5177
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, when?
5178
A wise man that walks in the dark with a blindfold on, is not much of a wise man.
5179
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.
5180
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
5181
Live in today because your past is not your potential.
5182
You can't get where you want to go if you don't know where you are.
5183
If you keep doing things like you've always done them, what you'll get is what you've already got.
5184
Fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.
5185
Toleration is the greatest gift of the mind.
5186
Happiness is the meaning and purpose of Life, the whole aim and end of Human exsistence.
5187
No one can make you inferior without your consent.
5188
If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain.
5189
To many time we confuse motion with progress.
5190
The best way to predict your future is to create it.
5191
I would willingly stand on street corners, hat in hand, begging passersby to drop their unused minutes into it.
5192
Not just passing time and place, but living the experience of being anytime, anyplace.
5193
Philosophy, like Medicine, has many drugs, very few good remedies, and almost no specifics.
5194
If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by philosophers.
5195
The past is history,
The future is a mystery
and now is a gift.
That's why we call it the present.
5196
The taller the bamboo grows, the lower it bends.
5197
If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.
5198
Know from whence you came. If you know whence you came, there are absolutely no limitations to where you can go.
5199
No one feels another's grief, no one understands another's joy. People imagine they can reach one another. In reality they only pass each other by.
5200
One who condones evils is just as guilty as the one who perpetrates it.
5201
Is this question relevant?
5202
Is anyone going anywhere?
5203
Is almost always nearly enough?
5204
Who would win in a fight: Mick Jagger or all four Beatles?
5205
Why is blue considered a color of sadness if most people find happiness in a blue sky?
5206
How many people know me?
5207
How probable is it that we can go through life seeing every stranger only once? Surely we must see some of these "strangers" many times more than we are aware of.
5208
In the end, are people really good at heart?
5209
Are you sure?
5210
When will people run out of questions to ask and boundaries to break?
5211
What is the most common color on Earth?
5212
If everything that is illegal now, were made legal, would anyone still do any of these things?
5213
Why do you sneeze if you look right at the sun?
5214
Who invented complicated algebra and geometry? Did they have a use for it at the time it was invented?
5215
Why do people say, when something is lost, "it's always in the last place you look"? Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5216
Why do some people say, "can I ask you a question?" You didn't really give me a choice there, did you, buddy?
5217
When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
5218
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
5219
Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understanding and misunderstanding.
5220
Who needs sight when you've got vision.
5221
Everything is relative to nothing.
5222
God was having so much fun creating His Creation that He created Mankind to help Him create.
5223
We can't run from what we are, our destiny chooses us.
5224
Wisdom is a greater prize than pride.
5225
We all want love to come along, yet we put all these restrictions on how it should arrive...
5226
It doesn't do to leave a dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.
5227
Love is like a wet cement, the more you stay the harder you live and it is hard to live without leaving your print behind.
5228
How glorious it is, and also how painful, to be an exception.
5229
Life is like a bowl of punch. Every now and then its okay to spike it.
5230
Math is the alphabet of the universe.
5231
You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
5232
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, it never was.
5233
Behind the desire lies the beast.
5234
The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
5235
The hardest fight is against your own demons.
5236
If you spend your life looking back at what could have been, you are bound to trip over opportunities that lie ahead.
5237
You didn't go to school to learn that life is taught on the streets.
5238
The doers and undoers give each other purpose.
5239
When I feel no one understands, no one will, for I then become no one myself.
5240
The simplest answers are the hardest believed and easiest found.
5241
A period must come to an end in order to have begun.
5242
Our life is not what we are "Our life" is not what "we are".
5243
It's as easy to lose as hard as it is to gain.
5244
Existence exists in the mind and the minds of others.
5245
I put it my way till I find someone who understands that then "it" is our way.
5246
When we truly realize that we are all alone is when we need others the most.
5247
A point of reference is the most sought after point in life.
5248
It hurts to know on the outside we feel inside.
5249
We need so much to love and only so little to hate.
5250
Don't let traditions, dictate your decisions.
5251
A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one would find fault.
5252
The universe begins to look like a great thought, rather than a great machine.
5253
What's life without a crisis every now and then? Bor-ing. So I guess I've had a pretty exiting life up to now.
5254
Why wait for the window of oppurtunity to open? Break it open!
5255
There is enough for everyone's need, there is never enough for everyone's greed.
5256
If ever in doubt, the answer's always no. Because where there is doubt, there is no faith.
5257
It is nice to be important. But more important to be nice.
5258
Time is relative to experience.
5259
He who walks the line never experiences the path.
5260
Nothing is what it seems, and everything is what it isn't.
5261
There are two ways to live life: One as though nothing is a blessing, one as though everything is a blessing.
5262
Be what you want to be, not what others want you to be, thats the only way you'll find true happiness.
5263
Before I can know anything I must believe.
5264
They can send you to college, but they can't make you think.
5265
Love and Life are like two flowing rivers, they will have to meet in the ocean.
5266
Today said thanks for the fun, but tommorrow says the best is yet to come.
5267
The truth hurts.
5268
Living is a life long process.
5269
There is a dream dreaming us.
5270
Nothing is either good nor bad, thinking makes it so.
5271
Some people may not like me, but, if I changed me, I wouldn't like me.
5272
You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
5273
Live life knowing that in the end, the only race is with yourself.
5274
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, and for every door thats closed I hope one opens, promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance ... I hope you dance.
5275
Secrets are the swords and trust is the shield... only one will win! Honestly, the good guy can't always cut it.
5276
You've got to dance like no one is watching and love like it's never going to hurt.
5277
I know who I am, and who I may be, if I choose.
5278
Men live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies into which they can never enter, and with their hand on the doorlatch they die outside.
5279
And the day came when the risk to remain closed in the bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
5280
Knowing and not doing is the same as not knowing at all.
5281
Two men look through the same bars; one sees mud, the other stars.
5282
When two friends part they should lock up each others secrets and exchange keys.
5283
Life is as beautiful as you make it.
5284
The power to express yourself is the power to be yourself and that is the greatest power of all.
5285
Excellence is an attitude, not an inheritance.
5286
A teacher plants learning seeds.
5287
Children are always the only future the human race has. Teach them well.
5288
I seek for my ultimate considerations, but like all men past, I too will be conquered.
5289
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
5290
Smile, you never know who's falling in love with it.
5291
A child without courage is like the sky without stars.
5292
Do or do not, there is no try.
5293
The greatest pain that comes from love, is loving someone you can never have.
5294
I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.
5295
If you write someones name in the sand the waves will wash it away, but if you write it in your heart it will remain.
5296
To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world.
5297
Don't go after the person you can picture spending the rest of your life with, go after the person you can't imagine spending the rest of your life without.
5298
Amongst democratic nations, men easily attain a certain equality of condition, but they can never attain as much as they desire.
5299
Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence.
5300
True love is when your need for someone exceeds your love for someone.
5301 Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Word power...
5302 Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Word power...
5303 Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Word power...
5304 Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
Word power...
5305 Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Word power...
5306 Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Word power...
5307 Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Word power...
5308 Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Word power...
5309 Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Word power...
5310 Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Word power...
5311 Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Word power...
5312 Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Word power...
5313 Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Word power...
5314 Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Word power...
5315 Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
Word power...
5316 Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
Word power...
5317 Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Word power...
5318 Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
Word power...
5319 Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Word power...
5320 Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Word power...
5321 Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Word power...
5322 Glibido: All talk and no action.
Word power...
5323 Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Word power...
5324 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Word power...
5325 Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and a jerk.
Word power...
5326 Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5327 Put M&M's on layaway.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5328 Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5329 Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5330 Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5331 Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5332 Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5333 Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5334 When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5335 Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you floss your teeth.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5336 Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5337 Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5338 While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5339 Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5340 Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5341 Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5342 Sit on a chair and read a book for hours.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5343 Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5344 When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5345 If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5346 Go into the dressing room and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
Things to do at Wal-Mart...
5347 My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5348 Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5349 All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5350 If all is not lost, where is it?
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5351 It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5352 Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5353 Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
5354 It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5355 Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5356 If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5357 When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5358 It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5359 The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5360 These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter....I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
5361
The greatest risk is not taking one.
5362
The average American works 24.5 years before earning a million dollars.
5363
Life is not so short that there is no time for courtesy.
5364
People exit our lives as quickly as they came in.
5365
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches
5366
You can't love others until you love yourself.
5367
If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you teach a man how to fish he will eat forever.
5368
No one is normal, for if every boy and girl in the world is different, then no one is normal.
5369
All too often we find ourselves expanding outward to further our lives, when in fact we can further them beyond human fathom if we look within ourselves
5370
Never, ever quit. By quitting, you admit defeat, and then your are trully beaten. And it is no one's fault but your own for stopping
5371
Not only has humankind disregarded the need of love in the family, but we overlook our environment as well, and with these two omissions, we cannot survive
5372
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life, God gave me life that I might enjoy all things.
5373
Do not walk behind me because I will not lead. Do not walk in front of me because I will not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend
5374
You're smart enought to raise your kids until they get old enough to tell you how stupid you are.
5375
Don't hate the player ... hate the game.
5376
People are like pieces of a puzzle, we all fit together, but not all of us connect.
5377
You gotta dream like you're going to live forever and live like you're going to die tomorrow.
5378
If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be
5379
Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
5380
To dream of the person you long to be is a waste of the person you are.
5381
Sometimes you really can't, even when you say you can, but that doesn't mean you should ever give up on your hopes and dreams
5382
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
5383
The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today's work superbly well.
5384
Keep your face towards the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you.
5385
Accept, don't expect.
5386
It's not just the eyes that give us sight.
5387
He who said money isn't everything ... doesn't have any.
5388
Money can't buy me love.
5389
Prejudice and racism is like a plague that can win over people's hearts and indulge their souls, but those who can grow aware of every culture can learn to become immune.
5390
Don't blind me of the evils of the world, I ask you God, just let me see and learn.
5391
Of thy heart, thy will's defined.
5392
All that we see or have seen is nothing but a dream within a dream.
5393
If you stop yourself from learning, you are already dead.
5394
A true friend is someone who knows everything about you, and likes you anyway.
5395
Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven't learned how to ask.
5396
Don't let worrying about tomorrow steal the joy from today. Today may be all that we have.
5397
Everything happens for a reason.
5398
Turns out not where, but who you're with that really matters.
5399
It is not the past that matters but the future.
5400
What I want is what I've not got, but what I need is all around me.
5401 The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5402 Every day more money is printed for monopoly than the US Treasury.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5403 Men can read smaller print than women, women can hear better than men.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5404 Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5405 Cost of raising a medium sized dog to the age of 11: $6,400.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5406 Average number of people airborne over the US during any given hour: 61,000.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5407 The world's youngest parents were 8 & 9 and lived in China in 1910.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5408 The youngest Pope was 11 years old.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5409 First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5410 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5411 The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile national monuments.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5412 Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
5413 Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on 4 JULY, John Hancock and Charles Thomson.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
Most of the rest signed on 2 AUG., but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
5414 "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5415 The term "whole 9 yards" came from W.W.II fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the 50-caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got the "whole 9 yards".
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5416 The Interstate system was designed so that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of War or other emergencies. The Intestate's official name is "The National Defense Highway System."
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5417 The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only 6" for each gallon of fuel that it burns.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5418 The nursery rhyme Ring Around the Rosey is a rhyme about the bubonic plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores (Ring around the Rosey). These sores would smell very bad so people would hide flowers on their bodies in an attempt to mask the smell ("pocket full of posies"). People who died from the plague would be burned to reduce the spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall Down").
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
5419 Q: What separates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show?
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
A: No theme song.
5420 Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
A: Their birthplace.
5421 Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and printers all have in common?
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
A: All were invented by women.
5422 Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
A: Honey.
5423 Q: There are more collect calls made on this day than any other.
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
A: Fathers Day.
5424 Q: What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic?
Things You Probably Didn't Learn In School!
A: He was allergic to carrots.
5425
It's through the pain that we find the truth of who we are.
5426
Live the life you love and love the life you live.
5427
True love is rare and it's the only thing that gives life real meaning.
5428
Sometimes the only way to stay sane is to go a little crazy.
5429
After climbing a great hill, one only finds there are many more hills to climb.
5430
The difference between genius and stupidity, is genius has its limits.
5431
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
5432
O wad some Power the giftie gie us. To see oursels as ithers see us.
5433
Prove the impossible really exists.
5434
It's never to late to be what you might have been.
5435
We become strong at the broken places.
5436
The intuitive mind is a gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
5437
Know where you are going, how you plan to get there and what you plan to do when you arrive.
5438
Love is not blind; it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it chooses to see less.
5439
A dream is like a river, everchanging as it flows. And the dreamer's just a vessel that much follows where it goes. So don't you sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied- choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tides.
5440
You can fall from a mountain. You can fall from above. But the best way to fall, is to fall in love.
5441
Do not doubt your powers, or else you give power to your doubts.
5442
I wish I could be your tear drops, for what more could anyone ask for then to be concieved in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
5443
A fruit can only be enjoyed when it's ripe.
5444
Once a person reaches a certain point of intellect he goes one of two ways: towards humanity or towards egomania. Thankfully, there are those who recognize their place and find a warm, comfortable spot in the middle of the two.
5445
Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.
5446
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
5447
Remember ... there's a little kid inside all of us. Once in a while, let the kid out to play.
5448
God is Himself, apart from all the religions.
5449
Letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means accepting that some things can't be.
5450
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
5451
If you don't take a chance, you don't stand a chance.
5452
You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.
5453
Don't you be thinking, you be knowing.
5454
The glass is not half full, it is broken.
5455
Guys give love to get sex, girls give sex to get love.
5456
Imagination is the preview of life's coming attractions.
5457
Our lives are better left to chance, I could've missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance.
5458
People look strange, when you're a stranger.
5459
All you need is love.
5460
Do not doubt your powers, or else they will disappear.
5461
Don't run away from the things you're scared of, cause you won't get anywhere.
5462
One cannot call oneself one, if one is not one with oneself.
5463
I'd rather be a failure at somthing I love, than a success at something I hate.
5464
Dont just be a reactionary... be a revolutionary.
5465
People have two feelings: fear and love, all others come from the imagination.
5466
The funny thing about dreams is they come true if you work on them long enough.
5467
A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want.
5468
Tommorrow's not yours for sure, but today you can do anything.
5469
Craziness is freedom, freedom is not craziness.
5470
The touch of someone that cares for you can make a world of difference.
5471
Everyone's purpose in life is to live life to their fullest.
5472
Some people give excuses, some people give explanations, then there are the people who give results.
5473
Keep a smile on your face and a rainbow in your heart.
5474
No matter how high you are in life always stay humble, for at any moment it can all be taken from you.
5475
I play with the cards life deals me, I'm a good player, so watch how you play your cards...
5476
With great power, comes great responsibillity.
5477
Do what you think is right.
5478
Hoping that someone will change will only change yourself.
5479
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have forgotten how to fly.
5480
Our technology has surpassed our humanity, someday I hope our humanity will surpass our technology.
5481
The less you open your heart to others the more you suffer, you never loose by loving, you always lose by holding back.
5482
The road of life is rocky and you may stumble too, so while you point your finger, someone else is judging you.
5483
After all I have lived through I have learned but one thing: Not everything counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
5484
Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
5485
The best realization that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
5486
Love is when you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.
5487
Life is not about the destination, it is the journey.
5488
Say what you feel and do what you want, for those who mind don't matter, and for those who matter don't mind.
5489
The past is a present to the future.
5490
It is better to remain silent and thought of as a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
5491
Never believe that you are better than anyone else, and never believe that anyone else is better than you.
5492
The wind blows, the light flows, earth and the grass stay put, one must learn the difference of a time to change and a time to resist.
5493
Practice makes perfect so be careful what you practice.
5494
You can't turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again.
5495
Remember in any situation where you feel nervous: It's ok to be nervous, but confidence wins.
5496
Can you go back in time, to a place in your mind, to the one who knew, a part of you, that you just couldn't find?
5497
Friendship has many faces, but we all forget sometimes that the most familiar of them is found right in the mirror.
5498
Words are seductive and dangerous material, to be used with caution.
5499
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
5500
Waiting for love is asking for a heartache. It's kinda like eating candy and not brushing your teeth ... you wait for a toothache.
5501
A little well-gotten will do us more good, than lordships and sceptres by Rapine and Blood.
5502
Many a long dispute among Divines may be thus abridged: It is so: It is not so; It is so: It is not so.
5503
Ill Customs and Bad Advice are seldom forgotten.
5504
He that riseth late, must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business at night.
5505
He that speaks ill of the Mare, will buy her.
5506
Fish and Visitors stink after three days.
5507
How few there are who have courage enough to own their Faults, or resolution enough to mend them!
5508
He that can compose himself, is wiser than he that composes books.
5509
A country man between two lawyers, is like a Fish between two Cats.
5510
After crosses and losses, men grow humbler and wiser.
5511
The worst wheel of the cart makes the most noise.
5512
Well done is better than well said.
5513
There are three faithful Friends - an old Wife, an old Dog, and ready Money.
5514
He that can travel well afoot, keeps a good horse.
5515
Who has deceiv'd thee so oft as thy self?
5516
A traveller should have a Hog's nose, a Deer's legs, and an Ass's back.
5517
No better relation than a prudent and faithful Friend.
5518
An honest Man will receive neither Money nor Praise that is not his due.
5519
Avoid dishonest gain: no price Can recompense the pangs of vice.
5520
There are more old Drunkards than old Doctors.
5521
Harry Smatter, has a Mouth for every Matter.
5522
'Tis a well spent penny that saves a groat.
5523
Many Foxes grow grey, but few grow good.
5524
Content makes poor Men rich Discontent makes rich Men poor.
5525
If your head is wax, don't walk in the Sun.
5526
Genius without Education is like Silver in the Mine.
5527
You can bear your own F'aults, why not a Fault in your Wife?
5528
Doing an Injury puts you below your Enemy; Revenging one makes you but even with him; Forgiving it sets you above him.
5529
Great Good-nature, without Prudence, is a great Misfortune.
5530
An infallible Remedy for Tooth-ache, viz. - Wash the root of an aching Tooth, in Elder vinegar, and let it dry half an hour in the Sun; after which it will never ache more.
5531
A Pair of good Ears will wring dry an hundred Tongues.
5532
A penny saved is two pence clear. A pin a-day is a groat a-year. Save and have.
5533
Every little makes a mickle.
5534
Keep thy shop, and thy shop will keep thee.
5535
Beware, beware; he'll cheat without scruple, who can without fear.
5536
If you would have Guests merry with cheer, be so yourself, or so at least appear.
5537
The poor Man must walk to get meat for his stomach, the rich man to get a stomach for his meat.
5538
Avarice and Happiness never saw each other, how then should they become acquainted?
5539
The family of Fools is ancient.
5540
The King's cheese is half wasted in parings; but no matter, 'tis made of the People's milk.
5541
There's many witty Men whose brains can't fill their bellies.
5542
He that would live in peace and at ease, must not speak all he knows, nor judge all he sees.
5543 1970: Long Hair
Times change...
2000: Longing for hair
5544 1970: The perfect high
Times change...
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund
5545 1970: Keg
Times change...
2000: EKG
5546 1970: Acid Rock
Times change...
2000: Acid Reflux
5547 1970: Moving to California because it's cool
Times change...
2000: Moving to California because it's warm
5548 1970: Growing pot
Times change...
2000: Growing pot belly.
5549 1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents
Times change...
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children
5550 1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
Times change...
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
5551 1970: Seeds and stems
Times change...
2000: Roughage
5552 1970: Popping pills, smoking joints
Times change...
2000: Popping joints
5553 1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel
Times change...
2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity
5554 1970: Paar
Times change...
2000: AARP
5555 1970: Killer weed
Times change...
2000: Weed killer
5556 1970: Hoping for a BMW
Times change...
2000: Hoping for a BM
5557 1970: The Grateful Dead
Times change...
2000: Dr. Kevorkian
5558 1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint
Times change...
2000: Getting a new hip joint
5559 1970: Rolling Stones
Times change...
2000: Kidney stones
5560 1970: Being called into the principal's office
Times change...
2000: Calling the principal's office
5561 1970: Up the system!
Times change...
2000: Upgrade the system
5562 1970: Peace sign
Times change...
2000: Mercedes logo
5563 1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
Times change...
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
5564 970: acid
Times change...
2000: antacid
5565 1970: Passing the driver's test
Times change...
2000: Passing the vision test
5566 1970: "Whatever"
Times change...
2000: "Depends"
5567
Be slow in chusing a Friend, slower in changing.
5568
Let all Men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly: Men freely ford that see the shallows.
5569
When Knaves fall out, honest men get their goods: When Priests dispute, we come at the Truth.
5570
Experience keeps a dear school, yet Fools will learn in no other.
5571
How many observe Christ's Birthday; How few his Precepts! 0! 'tis easier to keep Holidays than Commandments.
5572
He that drinks his Cyder alone, let him catch his Horse alone.
5573
Who is rich? He that rejoices in his Portion.
5574
The Devil wipes his Breech with poor Folks' Pride.
5575
A ship under sail and a big-bellied Woman, are the handsomest two things that can be seen common.
5576
Industry pays Debts, Despair encreases them.
5577
They who have nothing to trouble them, will be troubled at nothing.
5578
There is much difference between imitating a good man, and counterfeiting him.
5579
Monkeys, warm with envious spite, their most obliging friends will bite.
5580
Half Wits talk much but say little.
5581
Let thy maid-servant be faithful, strong, and homely.
5582
Declaiming against Pride, is not always a Sign of Humility.
5583
An open Foe may prove a curse; But a pretended Friend is worse.
5584
Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.
5585
'Tis easy to see, hard to foresee.
5586
Those who in Quarrels interpose, Must often wipe a bloody Nose.
5587
Where yet was ever found the mother, who'd change her booby for another?
5588
In a discreet man's mouth a publick thing is private.
5589
He that buys by the penny, maintains not only himself, but other people.
5590
Here comes Courage! that seized the Lion absent, and ran away from the present Mouse.
5591
Caesar did not merit the triumphal car more than he that conquers himself.
5592
He that hath a Trade, hath an Estate.
5593
There are no fools so troublesome as those that have wit.
5594
Late Children, early Orphans.
5595
Quarrels never could last long, If on one side only lay the wrong.
5596
You will be careful, if you are wise, how you touch men's Religion, or Credit, or Eyes.
5597
Subtract the time you spend on hold and waiting in line...and suddenly you have a life.
5598
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned
...couldn't concentrate.
5599
I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so
...they gave me the ax.
5600
I tried working in a muffler factory but that
...was exhausting.
5600
I tried working in a muffler factory but that
...was exhausting.
5601 You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You're a Redneck if...
5602 You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You're a Redneck if...
5603 Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
You're a Redneck if...
5604 Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You're a Redneck if...
5605 You burn your yard rather than mow it.
You're a Redneck if...
5606 The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You're a Redneck if...
5607 Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You're a Redneck if...
5608 You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
You're a Redneck if...
5609 You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
You're a Redneck if...
5610 You come back from the dump with more than you took.
You're a Redneck if...
5611 You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You're a Redneck if...
5612 Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You're a Redneck if...
5613 Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You're a Redneck if...
5614 You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You're a Redneck if...
5615 You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You're a Redneck if...
5616 You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
You're a Redneck if...
5617 You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You're a Redneck if...
5618 Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
You're a Redneck if...
5619 You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
You're a Redneck if...
5620 You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
You're a Redneck if...
5621 You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
You're a Redneck if...
5622 You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You're a Redneck if...
5623 You have a rag for a gas cap.
You're a Redneck if...
5624 You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
You're a Redneck if...
5625 You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
You're a Redneck if...
5626 Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You're a Redneck if...
5627 You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
You're a Redneck if...
5628 Your richest relative buys a new house and calls you up to help him take the wheels off.
You're a Redneck if...
5629 You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
You're a Redneck if...
5630 The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
You're a Redneck if...
5631 Your working TV sits on top of your non working TV.
You're a Redneck if...
5632 You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.
You're a Redneck if...
5633 You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
You're a Redneck if...
5634 You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
You're a Redneck if...
5635 Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
You're a Redneck if...
5636 A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.
You're a Redneck if...
5637 You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
You're a Redneck if...
5638 You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
You're a Redneck if...
5639 You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.
You're a Redneck if...
5640 Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.
You're a Redneck if...
5641 You've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate.
You're a Redneck if...
5642 The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5643 Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5644 What general direction cattywumpus is.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5645 That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5646 When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5647 The difference between Yankees and damn Yankees.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5648 How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5649 Knows what "Well I Suwannee !!" means.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5650 Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits!!
Things a true Southerner knows:
5651 A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5652 Real gravy don't come from the store.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5653 When "by and by" is.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5654 How to handle their "pot likker".
Things a true Southerner knows:
5655 The difference between "pert' near" and "a right fer piece".
Things a true Southerner knows:
5656 The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and trailer trash.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5657 Never to go snipe hunting twice.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5658 At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5659 Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5660 You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5661 You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5662 A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5663 Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5664 Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.
Things a true Southerner knows:
5665
The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast.
5666
Ideas are great provided they don't degenerate into work.
5667
If you're not yourself today, enjoy it while ya can.
5668
Maybe he/she doesn't act stupid; it might be the real thing.
5669
If life isn't worth living, what else can you do with it?
5670
Some people not only have bad luck... they're carriers.
5671
If a man's Captain of his ship, his wife's likely the Admiral.
5672
Give some women an inch, and they'll rearrange or redecorate it.
5673
There're still incurable romantics -- we need better antibiotics.
5674
Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation raps for years .
5675
Ever notice how ignorance picks-up confidence as it goes along.
5676
A billion's the current number of foods made with types of bran.
5677
These days, an underprivileged kid only has one set of parents.
5678
People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it`s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
5679
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don`t.
5680
Today is the last day of your life, so far.
5681
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.
5682
If you can dream it, you can become it.
5683 SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5684 GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5685 IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5686 MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5687 PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5688 COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5689 DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5690 IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5691 DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5692 I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5693 GUYS HAVE FEELINGS TOO. BUT LIKE...WHO CARES?
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5694 NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5695 AND YOUR POINT IS?
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5696 Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5697 Men aren't pigs...pigs are gentle, cute creatures!
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5698 Few women admit their age, few men act it.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5699 Never fight ugly people--they have nothing to lose.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5700 Grow your own dope, plant a man.
WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS...
5701
The Facts of Life...
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
5702
The Facts of Life...
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
5703
The Facts of Life...
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
5704
The Facts of Life...
Don't worry about the world ending today...
It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)
5705
The Facts of Life...
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
5706
The Facts of Life...
Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.
5707
The Facts of Life...
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
5708
The Facts of Life...
A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work..
5709
The Facts of Life...
A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.
5710
The Facts of Life...
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
5711
The Facts of Life...
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
5712
The Facts of Life...
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
At least one.
5713
The Facts of Life...
If at first you don't succeed ... well, so much for sky diving.
5714
The Facts of Life...
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions
5715
Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are enough.
5716
I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
5717
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
5718
Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
5719
If God had intended for man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples!
5720
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
5721
Sign in Asian pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
5722
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
5723
I don't have a big ego...I'm way too cool for that.
5724
Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros.
5725
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?
5726
I see your IQ test results were negative.
5727
Regular naps prevent old age...especially if you take them while driving.
5728
When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.
5729
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
5730
I've learned there is little difference in husbands...you might as well keep the first one.
5731
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
5732
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
5733
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
5734
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
5735
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
5736
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
5737
No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
5738
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18".
5739
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
5740
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
5741
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
5742
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
5743
The next time you feel like complaining, remember:
Your garbage can probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
5744
"I'd rather know some of the questions than all of the answers."
5745
"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end."
5746
"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything."
5747
"The time to be happy is now; the place to be happy is here."
5748
"Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way."
5749
"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
5750
"Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love."
5751
"Depravity is its own reward."
5752
"It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English - up to fifty words used in correct context - no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese."
5753
"The Messiah will only come when he is no longer needed."
5754
"Having vision means seeing with the heart."
5755
"I knew that if I lived long enough, something like this would happen."
5756
"If I don't see you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one; & don't be late.
5757
"God does not play dice with the universe"
5758
"For in the end, we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught."
5759
"Many of the things you can count don't count. Many of the things you can't count really count."
5760
"Man exists in a twilight zone between beast and Buddha"
5761
"Don’t be afraid of mistakes; there are none."
5762
"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up."
5763
"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
5764
"The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people."
5765
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
5766
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides."
5767
"Between truth and the search for truth, I opt for the second."
5768
"Errors, like Straws, upon the surface flow; He who would search for Pearls must dive below."
5769
"If we do not find anything pleasant, at least we shall find something new."
5770
"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions"
5771
"We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give."
5772
"Never forget that those who bring happiness to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
5773
"It is only those who never do anything who never make mistakes."
5774
"An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure."
5775
"Don't just stammer...DO something!"
5776
Savor the warmth of every sun filled day, the chill wind of every raging storm, weeds as much as flowers, the bitter and the sweet."
5777
"Loving someone deeply gives you strength; while being deeply loved gives you courage."
5778
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done."
5779
"I don't like work- no man does- but I like what is in work- the chance to find yourself."
5780
"Never eat anything bigger than your head."
5781
"Wine is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy"
5782
"Nothing's more dangerous than an idea when it's the only one you have."
5783
"People who are resting on their laurels are wearing them on the wrong end."
5784
"Try? There is no try. There is only do or not do."
5785
"The artist is not a different kind of person, but every person is a different kind of artist."
5786
"Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun."
5787
"If you do not expect the unexpected you will not find it, for it is not to be reached by search or trail."
5788
"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong"
5789
"The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love."
5790
"One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well."
5791
"Whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you're right."
5792
"I am not a crook!"
5793
"I just can't imagine what happened to the tape."
5794
"The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf."
5795
"I shut my eyes in order to see."
5796
A reporter asked jazz musician, Johnny Hodges if he could read music and he replied,"not enough to hurt me"
5797
"I merely took the energy it takes to pout, and wrote some blues."
5798
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."
5799
"Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown."
5800
"The Devil craps on the big pile"
5801
Lend money to an Enemy, and thou'lt gain him; to a Friend, and thou'lt lose him.
5802
Strange! that a Man who has wit enough to write a Satyr, should have folly enough to publish it.
5803
The heart of the Fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of the wise man is in his heart.
5804
Visit your Aunt, but not every Day; and call at your Brother's, but not every night.
5805
What you would seem to be, be really.
5806
Prayers and Provender hinder no journey.
5807
Half-Hospitality opens his Door and shuts up his Countenance.
5808
Hear Reason, or she'll make you feel her.
5809
At the working man's house Hunger looks in, but dares not enter.
5810
Where there is Hunger, Law is not regarded; and where Law is not regarded, there will be Hunger.
5811
An empty Bag cannot stand upright.
5812
There's none deceived but he that trusts.
5813
Tricks and treachery are the practice of Fools that have not wit enough to be honest.
5814
Death; for the sooner we die, the longer shall we be immortal.
5815
There are lazy Minds as well as lazy Bodies.
5816
When you speak to a man, look on his eyes; when he speaks to thee, look on his mouth.
5817
Tart Words make no Friends: a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a Gallon of Vinegar.
5818
Sloth (like Rust) consumes faster than Labour wears: the used Key is always bright.
5819
The Way to see by Faith is to shut the Eye of Reason.
5820
As Pride increases, Fortune declines.
5821
Drive thy Business, or it will drive thee.
5822
A rich rogue is like a fat hog, who never does good till as dead as a log.
5823
Observe all men; thyself most.
5824
Wish not so much to live long, as to live well.
5825
The Morning Daylight appears plainer when you put out your Candle.
5826
If you have time, don't wait for Time.
5827
The most exquisite Folly is made of Wisdom spun too fine.
5828
Search others for their Virtues, thyself for thy Vices.
5829
Hunger is the best Pickle.
5830
Little Strokes fell great Oaks.
5831
Clean your Finger, before you point at my Spots.
5832
Life with Fools consists in Drinking; with the wise Man, living's Thinking.
5833
Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad Habits.
5834
A man in a Passion rides a mad Horse.
5835
To-morrow I'll reform,
The fool does say;
To-day itself's too late -
The wise did yesterday.
5836
Dine with little, sup with less:
Do better still; sleep supperless.
5837
If you'd lose a troublesome Visitor, lend him money.
5838
The wise Man draws more Advantage from his Enemies, than the Fool from his Friends.
5839
Each year one vicious habit rooted out, in time might make the worst man good throughout.
5840
None but the well-bred Man knows how to confess a fault, or acknowledge himself in an error.
5841
He that has not got a Wife, is not yet a compleat Man.
5842
Industry, Perseverance, & Frugality, make Fortune yield.
5843
Fear to do ill, and you need fear nought else.
5844
Seven wealthy towns contend for Homer dead,
Thro' which the living Homer beg'd his bread.
5845
Marry above thy match, thou'lt get a master.
5846
Seek Virtue, and of that possest,
To Providence resign the rest.
5847
Promises may get thee friends, but non-performance will turn them into enemies.
5848
Tho' Modesty is a Virtue, Bashfulness is a Vice.
5849
Many would live by their Wits, but break for want of Stock.
5850
Enjoy the present hour, be mindful of the past; & neither fear nor wish the approaches of the last.
5851
Hide not your Talents, they for Use were made: "What's a Sun-Dial in the Shade?"
5852
If evils come not, Then our fears are vain;
And if they do, Fear but augments the pain.
5853
Learn of the skillful: He that teaches himself, hath a fool for his master.
5854
Death takes no Bribes.
5855
E'er you remark another's sin, bid your own conscience look within.
5856
Anger and Folly walk cheek by jowl; Repentance treads on both their heels.
5857
Be not niggardly of what costs thee nothing, as courtesy, counsel, and countenance.
5858
Proclaim not all thou knowest, all thou owest, all thou hast, nor all thou can'st.
5859
Man's tongue is soft,
And bone doth lack;
Yet a stroke therewith
May break a man's back.
5860
Lazy bones! Dost thou think God would have given thee arms and legs, if he had not design'd thou should'st use them?
5861
No Gains without Pains.
5862
Beware of little Expenses: a small leak will sink a great Ship.
5863
There are no ugly loves, nor handsome prisons.
5864
He that would have a short Lent, let him borrow money to be repaid at Easter.
5865
Eat few Suppers, and you'll need few Medicines.
5866
If Passion drives, let Reason hold the Reins.
5867
Money and Man
A mutual Friendship show:
Man makes false Money,
Money makes Man so.
5868
To err is human, to repent divine; to persist devilish.
5869
Here comes Glib-Tongue: who can out-flatter a Dedication; and lie, like ten Epitaphs.
5870
In Marriage Without love, there be love without Marriage.
5871
A Lie stands on one leg, Truth on two.
5872
Grief often treads
Upon the heels of pleasure,
Marry'd in haste,
We oft repent at leisure;
Some by experience
Find these words misplaced,
Marry'd at leisure,
They repent in haste.
5873
The Tongue offends, and the Ears get the cuffing.
5874
Ceremony is not Civility; nor is Civility Ceremony.
5875
Mankind are very odd Creatures:
One half censure what they practise, the other half practise what they censure;
the rest always say and do as they ought.
5876
An undutiful Daughter will prove an unmanageable Wife.
5877
Glass, China, and Reputation, are easily crack'd, and never well mended.
5878
He is not well bred, that cannot bear Ill-Breeding in others.
5879
Kings and Bears often Worry their keepers.
5880
Light Purse, heavy Heart.
5881
He's a fool that makes his Doctor his Heir.
5882
A Brother may not be a Friend, but a Friend will always be a Brother.
5883
Ne'er take a Wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.
5884
He that lieth down with Dogs, shall rise up with Fleas.
5885
Beware of the young Doctor and the old Barber.
5886
The Creditors are a superstitious sect, great observers of set Days and Times.
5887
Duty is not beneficial because it is commanded, but is commanded because it is beneficial.
5888
Fools make feasts and Wise Men eat them.
5889
Great beauty, great strength, and great riches are really and truly of no great use; a right Heart exceeds all.
5890
To bear other people's afflictions, every one has courage and enough to spare.
5891
Epitaph on a Scolding Wife by her Husband:
Here my poor Bridget's Corps doth lie,
she is at rest, and so am I.
5892
He's a Fool that cannot conceal his Wisdom.
5893
All Blood is alike ancient.
5894
Tim was so learned, that he could name a Horse in nine Languages. So ignorant, that he bought a Cow to ride on.
5895
A true Friend is the best Possession.
5896
Great Spenders are bad Lenders.
5897
Many complain of their Memory, few of their Judgment.
5898
You may talk too much on the best of Subjects.
5899
The same man cannot be both Friend and Flatterer.
5900
He who multiplies Riches multiplies Cares.
5901
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man who run in front of car get tired.
5902
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
5903
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
5904
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails.
5905
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
5906
"Chinese" Proverb...
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
5907
"Chinese" Proverb...
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
5908
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
5909
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
5910
"Chinese" Proverb...
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
5911
"Chinese" Proverb...
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
5912
The poor have little,
Beggars none;
The rich too much
Enough not one.
5913
Hear no ill of a Friend, nor speak any of an Enemy.
5914
Pay what you owe, and you'll know what is your own.
5915
An old man in a House is a good Sign.
5916
Those who are fear'd, are hated.
5917
Be always ashamed to catch thy-self idle.
5918
At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment.
5919
If you would keep your secret from an Enemy, tell it not to a Friend.
5920
The Traveller that is struck by Lightning, seldom gets home to tell his Widow.
5921
The Things which hurt, instruct.
5922
The Eye of a Master will do more Work than his Hand.
5923
Let thy discontents be thy secrets; if the World knows them 'twill despise thee and increase them.
5924
"Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one’s bath like a lump of sugar!"
5925
"God is the shortest distance between zero and infinity...in either direction."
5926
"God is a practical joker with unlimited resources."
5927
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment."
5928
"In creating, the only hard thing is to begin; A grass blade’s no easier to make than an oak."
5929
"Reality is that which, when you quit believing in it, doesn't go away."
5930
"The map is not the territory."
5931
"An awful lot of people can't see the trees for the forest."
5932
"The future ain't what it used to be."
5933
"The neurotic has problems; the psychotic has solutions."
5934
"Every form correctly seen is beautiful"
5935
"They've said all they can say about me, except that I'm dead"
5936
"Oh, lonesome’s a bad place to get crowded into."
5937
"Love and death are the two great gifts that we pass on, and we usually pass them on unopened"
5938
"Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things."
5939
"A drawing is the nervous system made visible."
5940
"Civilization is a transient sickness."
5941
"Few people have the imagination for reality."
5942
"We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents."
5943
"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
5944
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world. "
5945
"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm."
5946
"Holy War is a contradiction of terms..."
5947
"What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind..."
5948
"Opposites are a product of fragmentary understanding."
5949
"It has been demonstrated that some amphibians are able to use celestial bodies for navigation"
5950
"The world is a comedy to those who think; a tragedy to those who feel."
5951
"Progress is the victory of laughter over dogma."
5952
"Rats is like sausages only they got fur an' stuff."
5953
"Always strive not to bleed on your work."
5954
"Don’t ever let something as mundane as gravity keep you down."
5955
"A life well-spent is indeed long."
5956
"Adventure is not outside a man; it is within"
5957
"Against boredom, even the gods contend in vain."
5958
"Someone’s got to talk about accountability, someone’s got to raise some Hell, it might as well be me."
5959
"I have made this letter somewhat longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short."
5960
"In art, economy is always beauty."
5961
"A word spoken in due season; how good it is!"
5962
Samson, for all his strong Body, had a weak Head, or he would not have laid it in a Harlot's lap.
5963
He that waits upon Fortune, is never sure of a dinner.
5964
Drink water, put the Money in your pocket, and leave the dry-bellyache in the punch-bowl.
5965
Full of Courtesie, full of Craft.
5966
Approve not of him who commends all you say.
5967
You cannot pluck roses
Without fear of thorns,
Nor enjoy a fair wife
Without danger of horns.
5968
A Slip of the Foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the Tongue you may never get over.
5969
It is wise not to seek a Secret and honest not to reveal it.
5970
Neither a Fortress nor a Maidenhead will hold out long after they begin to parley.
5971
Field well till'd and a little Wife well will'd, are great riches.
5972
Nothing humbler than Ambition, when it is about to climb.
5973
The discontented Man finds no easy Chair.
5974
Virtue and a Trade, are a Child's best Portion.
5975
Take heed of the Vinegar of sweet Wine, and the Anger of Good-nature
5976
The Bell calls others to Church, but itself never minds the Sermon.
5977
The good or ill hap of a good or ill Life, is the good or ill choice of a good or ill Wife.
5978
What one relishes, nourishes.
5979
Don't think to hunt two Hares with one Dog.
5980
All things are easy to Industry, all things difficult to Sloth.
5981
He that cannot obey, cannot command.
5982
A house without woman and firelight, is like a Body without soul or sprite.
5983
You may delay, but Time will not.
5984
Have you somewhat to do tomorrow, do it today.
5985
Love and Tooth-ache have many Cures, but none infallible, except Possession and Dispossession.
5986
Do good to thy friend to keep him, to thy enemy to gain him.
5987
Teach your Child to hold his tongue, he'll learn fast enough to speak.
5988
In Rivers and bad Governments, the lightest things swim at top.
5989
"The subtlety of nature is greater many times over than the subtlety of the senses and understanding."
5990
"Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the entire world."
5991
"Pleasure is the carrot dangled to lead the ass to market; or to the precipice."
5992
"The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim."
5993
"There is a pleasure sure, in being mad, which none but madmen know."
5994
"I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."
5995
"Truth; n. An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance."
5996
"If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants."
5997
"Some lies are so well disguised to resemble truth, that we should be poor judges of the truth not to believe them ."
5998
"That which has been believed by everyone, always and everywhere, has every chance of being false."
5999
"It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it."
6000
"The fantastic advances in the field of communication constitute a grave danger to the privacy of the individual."