Quotes...The Third Thousand
From The Whole List
Start at 2001Start at 2101 Start at 2201Start at 2301 Start at 2401
Start at 2501Start at 2601 Start at 2701Start at 2801 Start at 2901

2001

I've learned....

that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

-- Andy Rooney

2002

I've learned....

that I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

-- Andy Rooney

2003

I've learned....

that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

-- Andy Rooney

2004

I've learned....

that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

-- Andy Rooney

2005

I've learned....

that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

-- Andy Rooney

2006

I've learned....

that when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

-- Andy Rooney

2007

I've learned....

that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

-- Andy Rooney

2008

I've learned....

that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.

-- Andy Rooney

2009

I've learned....

that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

-- Andy Rooney

2010
Ship hauling Red Paint crashes into ship hauling Blue Paint; Sailors Marooned

-- Unknown

2011
But you can't let her drive! She's legally blonde!

-- Unknown

2012
Almost had a Psychic Girlfriend-
She left me before we met.

-- Unknown

2013
Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted this mustard before.

-- Unknown

2014
Alexander the Grape - He concord the world.

-- Unknown

2015
Ah My Favorite!! Cream Of Spotted Owl Soup.

-- Unknown

2016
Blonde in a leather jacket, ..... Rebel Without A Clue.

-- Unknown

2017
Be thankful you don't get all the government you pay for.

-- Unknown

2018
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.

-- Unknown

2019
Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

-- Unknown

2020
I let my mind wander once...it never came back.

-- Unknown

2021
I joined a bridge club.
My wife has my jump scheduled for next Tuesday.

-- Unknown

2022
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.

-- Unknown

2023
I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

-- Unknown

2024
Welcome to last year's meeting of the Procrastinators Club.

-- Unknown

2025
Welcome to Hell - Here's your copy of Windows.

-- Unknown

2026
Birth-control pills are tax deductible, but only if they don't work.

-- Unknown

2027
I'm surrounded by idiots.

-- Unknown

2028
I'm unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.

-- Unknown

2029
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2030
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2031
You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2032
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2033
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2034
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2035
You cannot further brotherhood of men by inciting class hatred.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2036
You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2037
You cannot really help men by having the government tax them to do what they can and should do for themselves.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2038

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.

-- Unknown

2039

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

-- Unknown

2040

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

-- Unknown

2041

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

-- Unknown

2042

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

-- Unknown

2043

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

-- Unknown

2044

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

-- Unknown

2045

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

-- Unknown

2046

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

-- Unknown

2047

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.

-- Unknown

2048

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

-- Unknown

2049

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

-- Unknown

2050

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.

-- Unknown

2051

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

-- Unknown

2052

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.

-- Unknown

2053

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

-- Unknown

2054

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

-- Unknown

2055

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

-- Unknown

2056

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

-- Unknown

2057

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

-- Unknown

2058

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

-- Unknown

2059

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Liter: A nest of young puppies.

-- Unknown

2060

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

-- Unknown

2061

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

-- Unknown

2062

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

-- Unknown

2063

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

-- Unknown

2064

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.

-- Unknown

2065

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

-- Unknown

2066

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

-- Unknown

2067

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.

-- Unknown

2068

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration.

-- Unknown

2069

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.

-- Unknown

2070

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

-- Unknown

2071

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

-- Unknown

2072

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it
drops in your throat.

-- Unknown

2073

From junior high, high, and college test papers and essays
(all errors preserved)...

To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.

-- Unknown

2074

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE...

If you're going to kill each other, do it outside;
I just finished cleaning!

-- Unknown

2075

My mother taught me RELIGION...

You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

-- Unknown

2076

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL...

If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock
you into the middle of next week!

-- Unknown

2077

My mother taught me LOGIC...

Because I said so, that's why.

-- Unknown

2078

My mother taught me FORESIGHT...

Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident.

-- Unknown

2079

My mother taught me IRONY...

Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about.

-- Unknown

2080

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS...

Shut your mouth and eat your supper!

-- Unknown

2081

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM...

Will you look at the dirt
on the back of your neck!

-- Unknown

2082

My mother taught me about STAMINA...

You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished.

-- Unknown

2083

My mother taught me about WEATHER...

It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.

-- Unknown

2084

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS...

If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming
toward you, would you listen then?

-- Unknown

2085

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY...

If I've told you once, I've told you a
million times...Don't exaggerate!!!

-- Unknown

2086

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE...

I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.

-- Unknown

2087

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION...

Stop acting like your father!

-- Unknown

2088

My mother taught me about ENVY...

There are millions of less fortunate children in this
world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!

-- Unknown

2089

GENERAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS...

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

-- Unknown

2090

GENERAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS...

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

-- Unknown

2091

GENERAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS...

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

-- Unknown

2092

GENERAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS...

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time
to change the sheets.

-- Unknown

2093

GENERAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS...

5. Even if you're certain that you are included
in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul
to the funeral home.

-- Unknown

2094

TIPS FOR REDNECKS DINING OUT...

1. When decanting wine from the box,
make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour
slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.

-- Unknown

2095

TIPS FOR REDNECKS DINING OUT...

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always
hold it with your hands.

-- Unknown

2096

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME...

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be
anything prepared by a taxidermist.

-- Unknown

2097

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME...

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no
matter how good his manners are.

-- Unknown

2098

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON PERSONAL HYGIENE...

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

-- Unknown

2099

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON PERSONAL HYGIENE...

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.

-- Unknown

2100

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON PERSONAL HYGIENE...

3. Use of proper toiletries can delay bathing for only a few days.

-- Unknown

To top of page

2101

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON PERSONAL HYGIENE...

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no,
as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter
the taste of finger foods.

-- Unknown

2102

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DATING (Outside the Family)...

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook,
especially on the first date.

-- Unknown

2103

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DATING (Outside the Family)...

2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested:
"I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that
stuff on the bathroom wall a year ago."

-- Unknown

2104

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DATING (Outside the Family)...

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.
Some will say "10:00 PM". Others might say "Monday."
If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get
her to school on time.

-- Unknown

2105

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON THEATER ETIQUETTE...

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.

-- Unknown

2106

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON THEATER ETIQUETTE...

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen.
Tests have proven they can't hear you.

-- Unknown

2107

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON WEDDINGS...

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

-- Unknown

2108

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON WEDDINGS...

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

-- Unknown

2109

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON WEDDINGS...

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

-- Unknown

2110

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON WEDDINGS...

4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

-- Unknown

2111

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DRIVING ETIQUETTE...

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even
if the gun is loaded and the deer is in your sights.

-- Unknown

2112

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DRIVING ETIQUETTE...

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires does not always have the right of way.

-- Unknown

2113

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DRIVING ETIQUETTE...

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

-- Unknown

2114

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DRIVING ETIQUETTE...

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

-- Unknown

2115

TIPS FOR REDNECKS ON DRIVING ETIQUETTE...

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

-- Unknown

2116
The news story said someone had overcome a fatal disease. WOW!

-- George Carlin

2117
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act but a habit.

-- Aristotle

2118
If you cut Alaska in half, Texas would become the third largest state.

-- On a menu in Anchorage.

2119
We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.

-- Goethe

2120
The future is like the present, only longer.

-- Unknown

2121
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

-- Unknown

2122
Intel has announced its next chip: the Repentium.

-- Unknown

2123
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

-- Unknown

2124
Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window.

-- Steve Wozniak

2125
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.

-- Unknown

2126
When you are content to be simply yourself and don't
compare or compete, everybody will respect you.

-- Lao-Tzu

2127
If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art
or music, then in that respect you can call me that ... I believe
in what I do, and I'll say it.

-- John Lennon

2128
Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got
where he is had to begin where he was.

-- Richard L. Evans

2129
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
Live the life you have imagined.

-- Henry David Thoreau

2130
A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want
of a little courage. Every day sends to their graves obscure
men whose timidity prevented them from making a first effort.

-- Sydney Smith

2131
Speak what you think to-day in words as hard as cannon-balls
and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again,
though it contradict every thing you said to-day.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2132
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
"The Peter Principle"

-- Laurence J. Peter

2133
Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says
nothing. Nobody listens -- and then everybody disagrees.

-- Boris Marshalov

2134
He who angers you conquers you.

-- Elizabeth Kenny

2135
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger
than the causes of it.

-- Marcus Aurelius

2136
Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of
their objects than love.

-- George Eliot, The Mill on the Floss

2137
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape
a hundred days of sorrow.

-- Chinese Proverb

2138
The world needs anger. The world often continues to
allow evil because it isn't angry enough.

-- Bede Jarrett, The House of Gold

2139
One should not lose one's temper unless one is certain of
getting more and more angry to the end.

-- William Butler Yeats, W. B. Yeats Memoirs

2140
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

-- William Congreve, "The Mourning Bride"

2141
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

-- Milton Friedman

2142
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to
be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

-- Robert Frost

2143
The lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for him and seek him.
N.B.: From this quote is derived the proverb, "Good things come to those who wait."

-- Lamentations 3:25

2144
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

2145
Our patience will achieve more than our force.

-- Edmund Burke, Reflections on the Revolution in France, 1790

2146
Beware the fury of a patient man.

-- John Dryden, Absalom and Achitophel, 1681

2147
All commend patience, but none can endure to suffer.

-- Thomas Fuller, Gnomologia, 1732

2148
Let him that hath no power of patience retire within himself,
though even there he will have to put up with himself.

-- Baltasar Gracian, The Art of Worldy Wisdom, 1647

2149
Patience makes lighter what sorrow may not heal.

-- Horace, Odes, B.C. 15

2150
Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than spending
the rest of the week debuging Monday's code.

-- Dan Salomon

2151
It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex
system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist
peacefully.

-- Doug Vargas

2152
Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live.

-- Margaret Fuller

2153
Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.

-- Pablo Picasso

2154
Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train.
Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going
sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?

-- J. Paul Getty

2155
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.
Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.

-- Fats Domino

2156
The better work men do is always done under stress and at great personal cost.

-- William Carlos Williams

2157
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.

-- H. Jackson Browne

2158
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their
sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

-- Sam Ewig

2159
Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love
but only with distaste, it is better tha you should leave your
work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those
who work with joy.

-- Kahlil Gibran

2160
The Devil finds work for idle hands.

-- First Appeared in 1721 Proverb

2161
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

-- Mark Twain

2162
There is a vast world of work out there in this country, where
at least 111 million people are employed in this country alone--many
of whom are bored outof their minds. All day long. Not for nothing is
their motto TGIF -- "Thank God It's Friday." They live for
the weekends, when they can go do what they really want to do.

-- Richard Nelson Bolles, What Color is Your Parachute?, 1970

2163
Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with reluctance,
and bragged about forever.

-- Unknown

2164
Wisdom begins in wonder.

-- Socrates

2165
It is astonishing with how little wisdom mankind can be
governed, when that little wisdom is its own.

-- W. R. Inge

2166
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.

-- Naguib, Mahfouz

2167
It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.

-- Walter Lippman

2168
Wisdom stands at the turn in the road and calls upon us publicly,
but we consider it false and despise its adherents.

-- Kahlil Gibran, "Between Reality and Fantasy"

2169
The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life,
the clearer we should see through it.

-- Jean Paul

2170
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

-- Socrates

2171
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.

-- Rich Kulawiec

2172
He that always gives way to others will end in having no
principles of his own.

-- Aesop

2173
There is someone willing to argue about any point.

-- Unknown

2174
Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week.
The rest doesn't count.

-- Neil Simon

2175
In its famous paradox, the equation of money and excrement,
psychoanalysis becomes the first science to state what common
sense and the poets have longknown -- that the essence of money
is in its absolute worthlessness.

-- Norman O. Brown

2176
Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells.

-- J. Paul Getty

2177
Money is the barometer of a society's virtue.

-- Ayn Rand

2178
The buck stops with the guy who signs the checks.

-- Rupert Murdoch

2179
The entire essence of America is the hope to first make money --
then make money with money --
then make lots of money with lots of money.

-- Paul Erdman

2180
All currency is neurotic currency.

-- Norman O. Brown

2181
So you think that money is the root of all evil.
Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

-- Ayn Rand

2182
Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand
until it finally disappears.

-- Robert W. Sarnoff

2183
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

-- A Libertarian Movement slogan

2184
Sooner or later I'm going to die, but I'm not going to retire.

-- Margaret Mead

2185
Every man has his follies --
and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

-- Josh Billings

2186
There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are
blessings given to us to learn from.

-- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

2187
The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.

-- John Powell

2188
No one is listening until you make a mistake.

-- Unknown

2189
Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets,
trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything
to git attention we do, except walk?

-- Alice Walker, The Color Purple, 1982

2190
Perhaps even these things, one day, will be pleasing to remember.

-- Virgil, Aenid

2191
As memory may be a paradise from which we cannot be driven,
it may also be a hell from which we cannot escape.

-- John Lancaster Spalding, Aphorisms and Reflections

2192
A great memory is never made synonymous with wisdom, any more
than a dictionary would be called a treatise.

-- John Henry Cardinal Newman, Oxford University Sermons

2193
Do not trust your memory; it is a net full of holes;
the most beautiful prizes slip through it.

-- Georges Duhamel, The Heart's Domain

2194
We do not know the true value of our moments until they
have undergone the test of memory.

-- Georges Duhamel, The Heart's Domain

2195
Some memories are realities, and are better than anything
that can ever happen to one again.

-- Willa Cather, My Antonia

2196
I think it is all a matter of love:
the more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it is.

-- Vladimir Nabokov, Strong Opinions

2197
If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were
worrying about one year ago today.

-- Rotarian

2198
They may forget what you said, but they will never
forget how you made them feel.

-- Carl W. Buechner

2199
The great leaders are like the best conductors -
they reach beyond the notes to reach the magic in the players.

-- Blaine Lee, The Power Principle

2200
The leader who exercises power with honor will work
from the inside out, starting with himself.

-- Blaine Lee, The Power Principle

To top of page

2201
Money is the most egalitarian force in society.
It confers power on whoever holds it.

-- Roger Starr

2202
Money may kindle, but it cannot by itself, and for very long, burn.

-- Igor Stravinski

2203
Money, the root of all evil...but the cure for all sadness.

-- Mike Gill

2204
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.

-- Carl Sagan

2205
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.

-- Albert Einstein

2206
As I make my slow pilgrimage through the world, a certain sense
of beautiful mystery seems to gather and grow.

-- A. C. Benson, From a College Window

2207
The mysterious is always attractive. People will always follow a vail.

-- Bede Jarrett, The House of Gold

2208
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous.
When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

-- George Burns

2209
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

-- Confucius

2210
Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength.

-- Ralph W. Sockman

2211
I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness
is to be expected only from the strong.

-- Leo Rosten

2212
We deceive ourselves when we fancy that only weakness
needs support. Strength needs it far more.

-- Madame Swetchine, The Writings of Madame Swetchine

2213
I felt invincible. My strength was that of a giant.
God was certainly standing by me. I smashed five saloons
with rocks before I ever took a hatchet.

-- Carry Nation

2214
For many are called, but few are chosen.

-- Matthew 22:14

2215
Everything that can be invented, has been invented.

-- Charles H. Duell, 1899

2216
Footfalls echo in the memory Down the passage which we did not
take Towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden. My
words echo Thus, in your mind.

-- T. S. Eliot, Four Quartets

2217
Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young
to hope, to love - and to put its trust in life.

-- Joseph Conrad

2218
There is no disguise which can hide love for long where
it exists, or simulate it where it does not.

-- La Rochefoucauld

2219
A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.

-- Stendhal

2220
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

-- Mother Theresa

2221
Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort
of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other,
and both together make up one whole.

-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

2222
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.

-- Charles Caleb Colton

2223
I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant,
and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.

-- Kahlil Gibran

2224
Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress
requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

-- Russell Baker

2225
The ends must justify the means.

-- Matthew Prior

2226
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

-- Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathusra

2227
Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.

-- Kahlil Gibran, The Vision

2228
The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the
crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love.' It is the
divine vitality that everywhereproduces and restores life.

-- Lydia Maria Child

2229
Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends
and preserves. Its eternal goal is life.

-- Smiley Blanton

2230
We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.

-- Benjamin Disraeli

2231
Do all things with love.

-- Og Mandino

2232
Where there is love there is life.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

2233
Treasure the love you receive above all.
It will survive long after your good health has vanished.

-- Og Mandino

2234
Absence is to love what wind is to fire;
it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

-- Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

2235
Nunc scio quit sit amor.
Lat., Now I know what love is.

-- Virgil

2236
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

-- Judy Garland

2237
Love builds bridges where there are none.

-- R. H. Delaney

2238
All mankind love a lover.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2239
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength;
loving someone deeply gives you courage.

-- Lao-Tzu

2240
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.

-- Plato

2241
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.

-- James Baldwin

2242
Love means never having to say you're sorry.

-- Erich Segal

2243
In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.

-- Erich Fromm

2244
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life
are already three parts dead.

-- Bertrand Russell

2245
The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.

-- Anais Nin

2246
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'

-- Erich Fromm

2247
We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists...
in the loved one, perfection.

-- Sidney Poitier

2248
There is only one terminal dignity -- love.

-- Helen Hayes

2249
The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence.

-- Albert Ellis

2250
The best proof of love is trust.

-- Joyce Brothers

2251
Real riches are the riches possessed inside.

-- B. C. Forbes

2252
What difference does it make how much you have?
What you do not have amounts to much more.

-- Seneca

2253
The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be
worth if you lost all your money.

-- Unknown

2254
There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery.
You can't do any business from there.

-- Colonel Sanders

2255
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

-- J. Paul Getty

2256
The more money an American accumulates, the less interesting he becomes.

-- Gore Vidal

2257
The rich are different from you and me because they have more credit.

-- John Leonard

2258
Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think.

-- Ayn Rand

2259
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.

-- Willem de Kooning

2260
I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money.

-- Pablo Picasso

2261
The world at large does not judge us by who we are and what we know; it judges us by what we have.

-- Joyce Brothers

2262
My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions, but in the fewness of my wants.

-- J. Brotherton

2263
Would that I were a dry well, and that the people tossed stones into me, for that would be easier than to be a spring of flowing water that the thirsty pass by, and from which they avoid drinking.

-- Kahlil Gibran, My Soul Is Heavy Laden with its Fruits

2264
Poverty is a veil that obscures the face of greatness. An appeal is a mask covering the face of tribulation.

-- Kahlil Gibran, A Handful of Sand on the Shore

2265
A fool and his money are soon parted.

-- Thomas Tusser, Five Hundred Points of Good Husbandry

2266
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

-- Dorothy Parker

2267
A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can let alone.

-- Henry David Thoreau, Walden

2268
It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.

-- Jeseph Joubert

2269
Well, I'm not a crook.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2270
I hereby resign this office of president of the United States.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2271
A man is not finished when he's defeated; he's finished when he quits.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2272
Once you get into this great stream of history, you can't get out.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2273
I have impeached myself by resigning.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2274
Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.

-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

2275
Yesterday, December seventh, 1941, a date which will live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

2276
We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

-- Sir Winston Churchill

2277
I have not yet begun to fight!

-- John Paul Jones

2278
People generally quarrel because they cannot argue.

-- Gilbert K. Chesterton

2279
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

-- Josh Billings

2280
When the president does it, that means it is not illegal.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2281
I can take it... The tougher it gets, the cooler I get...

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2282
You must pursue this investigation of Watergate even if it leads to the president. I'm innocent. You've got to believe I'm innocent. If you don't, take my job.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2283
I gave 'em a sword. And they stuck it in, and they twisted it with relish. And I guess if I had been in their position, I'd have done the same thing.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2284
I can see clearly now ... that I was wrong in not acting more decisively and more forthrightly in dealing with Watergate...

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2285
As President Nixon says, presidents can do almost anything, and President Nixon has done many things that nobody would have thought of doing.

-- Golda Meir

2286
The President seems to extend executive privilege way out past the atmosphere. What he says is executive privilege is nothing but executive poppycock.

-- Sam Ervin

2287
We are all in it together. This is a war. We take a few shots and it will be over. We will give them a few shots and it will be over.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2288
I've analyzed the best I can ... and I have not found an impeachable offense, and therefore resignation is not an acceptable course.

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2289
This is, I say, the time for all good men not to go to the aid of their party, but to come to the aid of their country.

-- Eugene McCarthy

2290
When you're a lawyer, you expect your client to lie to you, but not when he is the president.

-- Dick Houser

2291
The genius of impeachment lay in the fact that it could punish the man without punishing the office.

-- Arthur Schlesinger, Jr.

2292
I argue very well.
Ask any of my remaining friends.
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent.
People know this, and steer clear of me at parties.
Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

-- Dave Barry

2293
I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me.

-- Dudley Field Malone

2294
The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

-- Kin Hubbard

2295
The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.

-- Edward W. Howe

2296
Up men to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from old Virginia.

-- Gen. George Pickett Gettysburg, July 3, 1863

2297
Don't one of you fire until you see the whites of their eyes.

-- Colonel Samuel Prescott Battle of Bunker Hill, 1775

2298
Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

-- David G. Farragut Battle of Mobile Bay, August 5, 1864

2299
Safeguarding the rights of others is the most noble and beautiful end of a human being.

-- Kahlil Gibran, The Voice of the Poet

2300
War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

-- Bertrand Russell

To top of page

2301
Wars have never hurt anybody except the people who die.

-- Salvador Dali

2302
The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars.

-- William Westmoreland

2303
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

-- George McGovern

2304
Sour, sweet, bitter, pungent, all must be tasted.

-- Chinese Proverb

2305
If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.

-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

2306
You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note.

-- Doug Floyd

2307
He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak.

-- Michel de Montaigne

2308
Virtue herself is her own fairest reward.

-- Silius Italicus, Punica

2309
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.

-- Theodore Roosevelt, 1901

2310
The glory that goes with wealth is fleeting and fragile; virtue is a possession glorious and eternal.

-- Sallust

2311
Man cannot be uplifted; he must be seduced into virtue.

-- Don Marquis, The Almost Perfect State

2312
Nature does not loathe virtue: it is unaware of its existence.

-- Françoise Mallet-Joris, A Letter to Myself

2313
Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.

-- John Kenneth Galbraith

2314
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

-- Oscar Wilde

2315
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!

-- H.R. Haldeman

2316
No one is entitled to the truth.

-- E. Howard Hunt

2317
It is error alone which needs the support of government. Truth can stand by itself.

-- Thomas Jefferson

2318
All great truths begin as blasphemies.

-- George Bernard Shaw

2319
Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.

-- Henry David Thoreau

2320
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

-- Josh Billings

2321
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.

-- Aldous Huxley

2322
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.

-- H. L. Mencken

2323
Pretty much all the honest truth-telling there is in the world is done by children.

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

2324
It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

-- Conan Doyle, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, The Beryl Coronet

2325
A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.

-- Ge

2326
You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.

-- John Morley

2327
There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.

-- Michel de Montaigne

2328
The longer one lives, the more one realizes that nothing is a dish for every day.

-- Norman Douglas, The Oracle

2329
It is good to vary in order that you may frustrate the curious, especially those who envy you.

-- Baltasar Gracian, The Oracle

2330
Time is the fire in which we burn.

-- Gene Roddenberry

2331
Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

-- M Scott Peck

2332
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

-- Paul Valery

2333
Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.

-- Roger Babson

2334
You can never plan the future by the past.

-- Edmund Burke

2335
Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.

-- Cheers

2336
With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.

-- Chinese Proverb

2337
You may delay, but time will not.

-- Benjamin Franklin

2338
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

-- Unknown

2339
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

-- Albert Einstein

2340
We never know the worth of water 'til the well is dry.

-- English Proverb

2341
A lie told often enough becomes truth.

-- Lenin (Vladimir Ulyanov)

2342
The object of the superior man is truth.

-- Confucius

2343
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts.

-- John Locke

2344
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.

-- Plutarch

2345
Nurture your mind with great thoughts.

-- Benjamin Disraeli

2346
Minds are like parachutes; they work best when open.

-- Lord Thomas Dewar

2347
What a peculiar privilege has this little agitation of the brain which we call 'thought'.

-- Hume

2348
When all men think alike, no one thinks very much.

-- Walter Lippmann

2349
Great minds think alike.

-- Unknown

2350
Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself.

-- Plato

2351
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.

-- Buddha

2352
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.

-- John Donne, Devotions, 1624

2353
If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters, they might write all the books in the British Museum.

-- Sir Arthur Eddington, In the Nature of the Physical World, 1928

2354
Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

-- George Bernard Shaw

2355
Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.

-- Aldous Huxley

2356
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.

-- Frank Lloyd Wright

2357
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.

-- William Feather

2358
Diamonds are nothing more than chunks of coal that stuck to their jobs.

-- Malcolm Forbes

2359
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

2360
Confronted with the choice, the American people would choose the policeman's truncheon over the anarchist's bomb.

-- Spiro T. Agnew

2361
Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns.

-- Unknown

2362
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

-- Jerry Seinfeld

2363
The mind has exactly the same power as the hands; not merely to grasp the world, but to change it.

-- Colin Wilson

2364
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

-- Robert Frost

2365
The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.

-- Sir Winston Churchill

2366
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.

-- Albert Einstein

2367
Take away paradox from the thinker and you have a professor.

-- Søren Kierkegaard

2368
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

-- Arthur C. Clarke

2369
Our Age of Anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today's jobs with yesterday's tools.

-- Marshall McLuhan

2370
The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty, and all forms of human life.

-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy Inaugural Address

2371
I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds. N.B.: This is a paraphrase from the ancient Hindu text, the Bhagavad Gita.

-- J. Robert Oppenheimer On the invention of the atom bomb

2372
The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.

-- Anatole France

2373
Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either.

-- Gerald Barzan

2374

Only in America...

...can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.

-- Unknown

2375

Only in America...

...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

-- Unknown

2376

Only in America...

...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

-- Unknown

2377

Only in America...

...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

-- Unknown

2378

Only in America...

...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

-- Unknown

2379

Only in America...

...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

-- Unknown

2380

Only in America...

...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

-- Unknown

2381

Only in America...

...do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

-- Unknown

2382

Only in America...

...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

-- Unknown

2383

Only in America...

...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

-- Unknown

2384

Only in America...

...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

-- Unknown

2385

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus

-- Unknown

2386

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You know the 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Road Construction.

-- Unknown

2387

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

-- Unknown

2388
If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance.

-- Abraham Lincon

2389

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You can play road hockey on skates.

-- Unknown

2390

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.

-- Unknown

2391

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

-- Unknown

2392

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You find -20F a little chilly.

-- Unknown

2393

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

There is only one shopping plaza in town.

-- Unknown

2394

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.

-- Unknown

2395

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You've ever kept food cold by putting it on the back porch.

-- Unknown

2396

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

-- Unknown

2397

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

-- Unknown

2398

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You head south to go to your cottage.

-- Unknown

2399

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

-- Unknown

2400

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

-- Unknown

To top of page

2401

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.

-- Unknown

2402

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

-- Unknown

2403

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

-- Unknown

2404

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

-- Unknown

2405

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

The mosquitoes have landing lights.

-- Unknown

2406

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

-- Unknown

2407

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

-- Unknown

2408

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

-- Unknown

2409

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

-- Unknown

2410

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You've gone trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

-- Unknown

2411

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

-- Unknown

2412

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You think everyone from the city has an accent.

-- Unknown

2413

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

-- Unknown

2414

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK WHEN...

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only eight buttons.

-- Unknown

2415
This life is worth living, we can say, since it is what we make it.

-- William James

2416
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

-- Robert Frost

2417
Never be bullied into silence.
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

-- Harvey Fierstein

2418
The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live.

-- Joan Borysenko

2419
The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

-- Robert Byrne

2420
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

-- Buddha

2421
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

-- Unknown

2422
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

-- Jean-Paul Sartre

2423
May you live every day of your life.

-- Jonathan Swift

2424
Some people weave burlap into the fabric of our lives, and some weave gold thread.
Both contribute to make the whole picture beautiful and unique.

-- Unknown

2425
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.

-- Unknown

2426
I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.

-- John Burrough

2427
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

-- W. M. Lewis

2428
The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.

-- William James

2429
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

-- Josh Billings

2430
It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.

-- Millard Fuller

2431
Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued.

-- Socrates

2432
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

2433
Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.

-- Jeremy Schwartz

2434
For some life lasts a short while, but the memories it holds last forever.

-- Laura Swenson

2435
It takes a great man to be a good listener.

-- Calvin Coolidge

2436
I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.

-- Ernest Hemingway

2437
Sometimes it is a great joy just to listen to someone we love talking.

-- Vincent McNabb, God's Way of Mercy

2438
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

-- Brendan Francis

2439
To talk to someone who does not listen is enough to tense the devil.

-- Pearl Bailey, Talking to Myself

2440
Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater.

-- William Hazlitt

2441
Where there is great love, there are always wishes.

-- Willa Cather

2442
The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved.

-- Victor Hugo

2443
Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.

-- H. Jackson Brown Jr.

2444
You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.

-- Unknown

2445
Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion.

-- Javan

2446
Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.

-- Unknown

2447
Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.

-- David Grayson

2448
Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

-- Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve

2449
Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.

-- Gandhi

2450
All life is an experiment.

-- Richard Bach

2451
Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2452
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

-- William James

2453
It is not length of life, but depth of life.

-- William James

2454
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.

-- James Baldwin

2455
Life is wasted on the living.

-- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

2456
Don't take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive.

-- Warren Miller

2457
Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. And moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.

-- Barry Goldwater

2458
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
N. B.: This quote is commonly attributed to Voltaire, but it is not found in his writing.

-- S. G. Tallentyre, The Friends of Voltaire

2459
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit.

-- Kahlil Gibran, The Vision

2460
The right to be heard does not autmatically include the right to be taken seriously.

-- Hubert Humphrey

2461
We must remember that a right lost to one is lost to all.

-- William Reece Smith, Jr.

2462
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

-- George Bernard Shaw

2463
He who has done his best for his own time has lived for all times.

-- Johann von Schiller

2464
Coming generations will learn equality from poverty, and love from woes.

-- Kahlil Gibran, A Handful of Sand on the Shore

2465
The only thing you take with you when you're gone is what you leave behind.

-- John Allston

2466
I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

-- Confucius

2467
Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.

-- E. M. Forster

2468
Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf.

-- American Indian Proverb

2469
The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

-- Don Herold

2470
The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on.

-- Walter Lippmann

2471
The difference between a boss and a leader: a boss says, 'Go!' - a leader says, 'Let's go!'

-- E. M. Kelly, Growing Disciples, 1995

2472
Leadership is a combination of strategy and character. If you must be without one, be without the strategy.

-- Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf

2473
Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out.

-- Stephen Covey

2474

Things to think about...

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

-- Unknown

2475

Things to think about...

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

-- Unknown

2476

Things to think about...

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does it wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

-- Unknown

2477

Things to think about...

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

-- Unknown

2478

Things to think about...

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

-- Unknown

2479

Things to think about...

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

-- Unknown

2480

Things to think about...

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

-- Unknown

2481

Things to think about...

Where are Preparations A through G?

-- Unknown

2482

Things to think about...

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

-- Unknown

2483

Things to think about...

How can there be self-help groups?

-- Unknown

2484

Things to think about...

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

-- Unknown

2485

Things to think about...

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

-- Unknown

2486

Things to think about...

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

-- Unknown

2487

Things to think about...

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

-- Unknown

2488

Things to think about...

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

-- Unknown

2489

Things to think about...

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

-- Unknown

2490

Things to think about...

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

-- Unknown

2491

Things to think about...

How come you never hear about gruntled employees? (By the way, gruntle IS a legitimate word.)

-- Unknown

2492

Things to think about...

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

-- Unknown

2493

Things to think about...

What is the speed of dark?

-- Unknown

2494
A scent is not to be announced, but to be discovered.

-- Unknown

2495
It's not enough that I should succeed -- others should fail.

-- David Merrick

2496
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.

-- Robert Francis Kennedy

2497
Success is that old ABC -- ability, breaks, and courage.

-- Charles Luckman

2498
The important thing to recognize is that it takes a team, and the team ought to get credit for the wins and the losses. Successes have many fathers, failures have none.

-- Philip Caldwell

2499
If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded.

-- Maya Angelou

2500
Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.

-- George E. Woodberry

To top of page

2501
The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything -- and it works.

-- William Strong

2502
You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.

-- Beverly Sills

2503
But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated.

-- Ernest Hemingway

2504
Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it.

-- Josephus Daniels

2505
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

-- Bill Cosby

2506
They never fail who die in a great cause.

-- George Gordon Byron

2507
Men are born to succeed, not to fail.

-- Henry David Thoreau

2508
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

-- Unknown

2509
It's not failure, but low aim is crime.

-- Lowell

2510
The taxpayer -- that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.

-- Ronald Reagan

2511

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

-- Unknown

2512

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside". (Evidently, the shoplifter special).

-- Unknown

2513

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?).

-- Unknown

2514

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion!).

-- Unknown

2515

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down". (Oops, too late!).

-- Unknown

2516

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (As sure as night follows the day!

-- Unknown

2517

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". (But wouldn't this save even more time?).

-- Unknown

2518

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.).

-- Unknown

2519

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (One would hope so!3.

-- Unknown

2520
It's not easy being perfect, but somebody has to do it.

-- Unknown

2521

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". (As opposed to what?).

-- Unknown

2522

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". (I gotta admit, I'm curious).

-- Unknown

2523

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". (NEWS FLASH).

-- Unknown

2524

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta).

-- Unknown

2525

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!).

-- Unknown

2526

Proof the human race is doomed through stupidity (instructions on consumer goods)...

On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?!).

-- Unknown

2527
Many candles can be kindled from one candle without diminishing it.

-- The Midrash

2528

Thought for Today:

Abdominos -- sit-ups & pizza

-- Unknown

2529

Advice for the day:

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.

-- Unknown

2530

Thought for Today:

The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

-- Unknown

2531

Thought for Today:

The ability to speak distinguishes us from the lower animals. What we say frequently doesn't.

-- Unknown

2532
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.

-- Richard Bach

2533

Men know...

that if she looks like your mother, run.

-- Unknown

2534

Men know...

that there are at least three sides to every story: His, hers, and the truth.

-- Unknown

2535

Men know...

never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.

-- Unknown

2536

Men know...

how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.

-- Unknown

2537

Men know...

exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.

-- Unknown

2538

Men know...

that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.

-- Unknown

2539

Men know...

that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.

-- Unknown

2540

Men know...

that men are from here, and women are from way the h*** over there.

-- Unknown

2541
The first person who has to believe in you is you.

-- Unknown

2542

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair...

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

-- Unknown

2543

Beach's Law...

Identical parts aren't.

-- Unknown

2544

Anthony's Law of the Workshop...

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

-- Unknown

2545

Tussman's Law...

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

-- Unknown

2546

Lowery's Law...

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

-- Unknown

2547

Peer's Law...

The solution to a problem changes the problem.

-- Unknown

2548

William's Law...

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

-- Unknown

2549

IBM's Pollyanna Principle...

Machines should work. People should think.

-- Unknown

2550

The Dilbert Principle...

The most ineffective workers shall be moved systematically to the place where they can do the least damage.

-- Unknown

2551

Ehrlich's Law...

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

-- Unknown

2552

Ralph's Observation...

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.

-- Unknown

2553

Cannon's Comment...

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

-- Unknown

2554

Law of inevitable consequences...

The newer the carpet the greater the likelihood that the bread will land jelly side down.

-- Unknown

2555

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000per month.

-- Unknown

2556

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where she is.

-- Unknown

2557

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

-- Unknown

2558

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

-- Unknown

2559

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

-- Unknown

2560

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.

-- Unknown

2561

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

-- Unknown

2562

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

-- Unknown

2563

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

-- Unknown

2564

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

-- Unknown

2565

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

-- Unknown

2566

EXERCISE -- IS IT WORTH IT?

I had to give up jogging because it was bad for my health.....my thighs rubbed together so much my underwear caught on fire.

-- Unknown

2567

Thought for Today:

The Man That Invented The Door Knocker was awarded the No-Bell Prize.

-- Unknown

2568

Men know...

...that if she looks like your mother, run.

-- Unknown

2569

Men know...

...that there are at least three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth.

-- Unknown

2570

Men know...

...never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.

-- Unknown

2571

Men know...

...how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.

-- Unknown

2572

Men know...

...exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.

-- Unknown

2573

Men know...

...that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.

-- Unknown

2574

Advice from kids...

Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.

-- Stephanie, age 8

2575

Advice from kids...

Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower.

-- Lamar, age 10

2576

Advice from kids...

Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes.

-- Carrol, age 9

2577

Advice from kids...

Never bug a pregnant mom.

-- Nicholas, age 11

2578

Advice from kids...

Don't ever be too full for dessert.

-- Kelly, age 10

2579

Advice from kids...

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

-- Heather, age 16

2580

Advice from kids...

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

-- Michael, age 14

2581

Advice from kids...

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

-- Joel, age 12

2582

Advice from kids...

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.

-- Alyesha, age 13

2583

Advice from kids...

Never try to baptize a cat.

-- Laura, age 13

2584

Advice from kids...

Never spit when on a roller coaster.

-- Scott, age 11

2585

Advice from kids...

Never do pranks at a police station.

-- Sam, age 10

2586

Advice from kids...

Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.

-- Rob, age 10

2587

Advice from kids...

Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do.

-- Hank, age 12

2588

Advice from kids...

Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.

-- Molly, age 11

2589

Advice from kids...

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.

-- Chelsey, age 7

2590

Advice from kids...

Stay away from prunes.

-- Randy, age 9

2591

Advice from kids...

The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.

-- Albert Einstein

2592
95% of thinking is mental.

-- Unknown

2593
The politicians don't just want your money. They want your soul. They want you to be worn down by taxes until you are dependent and helpless. When you subsidize poverty and failure, you get more of both.

-- James Dale Davidson

2594
Tax reform means, "Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree."

-- Russell Long

2595
Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.

-- Henry Van Dyke

2596
Everyone has a talent. What is rare is the courage to nurture it in solitude and to follow the talent to the dark places where it leads.

-- Erica Jong

2597
Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that are easily snapped off.

-- C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections

2598
Everyone has a talent, what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.

-- Erica Jong, The Craft of Poetry

2599
The buried talent is the sunken rock on which most lives strike and founder.

-- Frederick W. Faber, Notes on Doctrinal and Spiritual Subjects

2600
No man can discover his own talents.

-- Brendan Francis

To top of page

2601
A dwarf standing on the shoulders of a giant may see farther than a giant himself.

-- Robert Burton

2602
Eighty percent of success is showing up.

-- Woody Allen

2603
I concede!

-- Richard Milhouse Nixon

2604
Nothing recedes like success.

-- Walter Winchell

2605
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.

-- Albert Einstein

2606
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

-- Lily Tomlin

2607
The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malcontents.

-- Salvador Dali

2608
Success in almost any field depends more on energy and drive than it does on intelligence. This explains why we have so many stupid leaders.

-- Sloan Wilson

2609
The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail.

-- Napoleon Hill

2610
No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.

-- Harold MacMillan

2611
To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.

-- Stephen Hawking

2612
That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

-- Neil Armstrong On the first moonwalk, July 20, 1969

2613
I don't know what you could say about a day in which you have seen four beautiful sunsets.

-- John Glenn

2614
It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.

-- Neil Armstrong

2615
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

-- Mark Russell

2616
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.

-- Woody Allen

2617
Civilization is unbearable, but it is less unbearable at the top.

-- Timothy Leary

2618
Society has always seemed to demand a little more from human beings than it will get in practice.

-- George Orwell, A Collection of Essays

2619
Our individual lives cannot, generally, be works of art unless the social order is also.

-- Charles Horton Cooley, Life and the Student

2620
The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy: neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.

-- John W. Gardner

2621
Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

-- Robert Frost

2622
I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world.

-- Russell Baker

2623
A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.

-- Unknown

2624
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.

-- Don Marquis

2625
Poetry is an orphan of silence. The words never quite equal the experience behind them.

-- Charles Simic

2626
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

-- Unknown

2627
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

-- P. J. O'Rourke

2628
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

-- Plato

2629
The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

-- H. L. Mencken

2630
My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government -- he promised Dad he'd go straight.

-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

2631
The incestuous relationship between government and big business thrives in the dark.

-- Jack Anderson

2632
If nominated, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve.

-- Gen. William Sherman On the request that he accept the Republican presidential nomination

2633
A camel is a horse designed by committee.

-- Sir Alec Issigonis, The Guardian

2634
Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

-- Lord Acton

2635
Power (n): The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.

-- Unknown

2636
He who controls the past commands the future. He who commands the future conquers the past.

-- George Orwell

2637
Power always has to be kept in check; power exercised in secret, especially under the cloak of national security, is doubly dangerous.

-- William Proxmire

2638
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.

-- Sir Winston Churchill

2639
Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

-- Henry Kissinger

2640
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

-- Confucius

2641
'We must do something' is the unanimous refrain. 'You begin' is the deadening refrain.

-- Walter Dwight, The Saving Sense

2642
The office of president is a bastardized thing, half royalty and half democracy, that nobody knows whether to genuflect or spit.

-- Jimmy Breslin

2643
Anyone that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

-- David Broder

2644
Oh, that lovely title, ex-president.

-- Dwight D Eisenhower

2645
Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There's nothing to do but to stand there and take it.

-- Lyndon B. Johnson

2646
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.

-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

2647
All the president is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing, and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway.

-- Harry S Truman

2648
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.

-- Bernard Bailey

2649
Never look down on anybody unless you are helping him up.

-- Jesse Jackson

2650
Many a man is praised for his reserve and so-called shyness when he is simply too proud to risk making a fool of himself.

-- J. B. Priestley, All About Ourselves and Other Essays

2651
It ain't braggin' if you can back it up.

-- Dizzy Dean

2652
The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.

-- Alan Saporta

2653
The real problem is what to do with the problem-solvers after the problems are solved.

-- Gay Talese

2654
The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.

-- Theodore Rubin

2655
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

-- Albert Einstein

2656
The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the person who is doing it.

-- Unknown

2657
The universe is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

-- Eden Phillpotts

2658
Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

2659
There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.

-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

2660
Progress lies not in enhancing what is, but in advancing toward what will be.

-- Kahlil Gibran, A Handful of Sand on the Shore

2661
Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. Thse who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

-- George Santayana

2662
Practice is everything
(This is often misquoted as Practice makes perfect.)

-- Periander

2663
There is no such thing as a long piece of work, except one that you dare not start.

-- Charles Baudelaire, Intimate Journals

2664
Good questions outrank easy answers.

-- Paul A. Samuelson

2665
He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.

-- Chinese Proverb

2666
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

-- Mark Twain

2667
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

-- Jonathan Larson

2668
For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'

-- John Greenleaf Whittier, Maud Muller

2669
Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

-- Sydney J. Harris, Strictly Personal

2670
Regrets are idle; yet history is one long regret. Everything might have turned out so differently.

-- Charles Dudley Warner, My Summer in a Garden

2671
Wear the old coat and buy the new book.

-- Austin Phelps

2672
I am a student. Please do not fold, spindle, or mutilate me.

-- Slogan of the Free Speech Movement, 1964.

2673
One should not stand at the foot of a sick person's bed, because that place is reserved for the guardian angel.

-- Jewish Folk Saying

2674
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Buying a stronger whip.

-- Unknown

2675
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Changing riders.

-- Unknown

2676
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."

-- Unknown

2677
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Appointing a committee to study the horse.

-- Unknown

2678
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

-- Unknown

2679
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.

-- Unknown

2680
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.

-- Unknown

2681
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.

-- Unknown

2682
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.

-- Unknown

2683
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead."

-- Unknown

2684
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.

-- Unknown

2685
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.

-- Unknown

2686
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."

-- Unknown

2687
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.

-- Unknown

2688
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.

-- Unknown

2689
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.

-- Unknown

2690
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.

-- Unknown

2691
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.

-- Unknown

2692
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Revisit the performance requirements for horses.

-- Unknown

2693
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.

-- Unknown

2694
Modern business approaches to riding dead horses...

Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

-- Unknown

2695
Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand.

--Frederick the Great

2696
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

-- Galileo Galilei

2697
Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.

-- Thomas Jefferson

2698
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love on another.

-- Jonathan Swift

2699
We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether they was made or just happened.

-- Mark Twain

2700
The Lord is my light, and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

-- Psalm 27

To top of page

2701
This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.

-- Dalai Lama

2702
I still say a church steeple with a lightening rod on top shows a lack of confidence.

-- Doug McLeod

2703
If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him.

-- Voltaire

2704
If you want a symbolic gesture, don't burn the flag; wash it.

-- Norman Thomas

2705
You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

-- Abraham Lincoln

2706
The reason people blame things on the previous generations is that there's only one other choice.

-- Doug Larson

2707
Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him.

-- Booker T. Washington, Up from Slavery

2708
I was taught very early that I would have to depend entirely upon myself; that my future lay in my own hands.

-- Darius Ogden Mills

2709
There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.

-- Peter Drucker

2710

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

-- Joyce Kilmer, Trees

2711
Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven.

-- Rabindranath Tagore, Fireflies, 1928

2712
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune.

-- Unknown

2713
The very essence of leadership is that you have to have a vision.

-- Theodore Hesburgh

2714
No amount of study or learning will make a man a leader unless he has the natural qualities of one.

-- Archibald Wavell, London Times, February 17, 1941

2715
To command is to serve, nothing more and nothing less.

-- André Malraux, Man's Hope

2716
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

-- Unknown

2717
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

-- Unknown

2718
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

-- Unknown

2719
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

-- Unknown

2720
The hardness of the butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

-- Unknown

2721
The severity of the itch is proportional to your reach.

-- Unknown

2722
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism - to steal from many is research.

-- Unknown

2723
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

-- Unknown

2724
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

-- Unknown

2725
A fool and his money are soon partying.

-- Unknown

2726
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least its the scenic route.

-- Unknown

2727
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

-- Unknown

2728
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

-- Unknown

2729
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

-- Unknown

2730
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

-- Unknown

2731
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

-- Unknown

2732
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

-- Unknown

2733
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

-- Unknown

2734
The leader of genius must have the ability to make different opponents appear as if they belonged to one category.

-- Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

2735
I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod.

-- Sir Winston Churchill

2736
The most important quality in a leader is that of being acknowledged as such. All leaders whose fitness is questioned are clearly lacking in force.

-- André Maurois, The Art of Living

2737
In simplest terms, a leader is one who knows where he wants to go, and gets up, and goes.

-- John Erksine, The Complete Life

2738
One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.

-- Arnold Glasgow

2739
The ultimate leader is one who is willing to develop people to the point that they eventually surpass him or her in knowledge and ability.

-- Fred A. Manske, Jr.

2740
Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
Left

-- Unknown

2741

On Marriage and Divorce...

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

-- Unknown

2742

On Marriage and Divorce...

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffe-ring.

-- Unknown

2743

On Marriage and Divorce...

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"...I >said, "Dust!".

-- Unknown

2744

On Marriage and Divorce...

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

-- Unknown

2745

On Marriage and Divorce...

Why do men die before their wives? Cause they want to.

-- Unknown

2746

On Marriage and Divorce...

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

-- Unknown

2747

On Marriage and Divorce...

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

-- Unknown

2748

On Marriage and Divorce...

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

-- Unknown

2749

On Marriage and Divorce...

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

-- Unknown

2750

On Marriage and Divorce...

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

-- Unknown

2751

On Marriage and Divorce...

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

-- Unknown

2752

On Marriage and Divorce...

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

-- Unknown

2753

On Marriage and Divorce...

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

-- Unknown

2754

On Marriage and Divorce...

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through thinking they had no faults at all.

-- Unknown

2755

On Marriage and Divorce...

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

-- Unknown

2756

On Marriage and Divorce...

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.

-- Unknown

2757
On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
Bottom

-- Unknown

2758
In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
Right.

-- Unknown

2759
What 6 colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
Blue, red, white, yellow, black, and gold.

-- Unknown

2760
What 2 letters don't appear on the telephone dial? (No cheating!)
Q,Z.

-- Unknown

2761
What 2 numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
1,0.

-- Unknown

2762
When you walk does your left arm swing w/your right or left leg?
Right.

-- Unknown

2763
How many matches are in a standard pack?
20.

-- Unknown

2764
On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
Red.

-- Unknown

2765
What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
88.

-- Unknown

2766
Which way does water go down the drain, counterclockwise or clockwise?
Counterclockwise (unless you happen to be south of the equator).

-- Unknown

2767
Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
Towards bottom right.

-- Unknown

2768
How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
12 (no #1).

-- Unknown

2769
Which side of a women's blouse are the buttons on?
Left.

-- Unknown

2770
On a NY license plate, is New York on the top or bottom?
Top.

-- Unknown

2771
Which way does a fan rotate?
Clockwise as you look at it.

-- Unknown

2772
Whose face is on a dime?
Roosevelt.

-- Unknown

2773
How many sides does a stop sign have?
8.

-- Unknown

2774
Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
Bashful.

-- Unknown

2775
How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
8.

-- Unknown

2776
On which playing card is the cardmaker's trademark?
Ace of spades.

-- Unknown

2777
On which side of a venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
Left.

-- Unknown

2778
How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
5.

-- Unknown

2779
How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
6.

-- Unknown

2780
On the back of a $1 bill, what is in the center?
ONE.

-- Unknown

2781
There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
*, #.

-- Unknown

2782
How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
3.

-- Unknown

2783
Does a merry-go-round turn counter clockwise or clockwise?
Counter.

-- Unknown

2784
If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.

-- Unknown

2785
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing. (and then they marry him.)

-- Unknown

2786
I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

-- Unknown

2787

How Hot is it in Texas?

The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

-- Unknown

2788

How Hot is it in Texas?

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

-- Unknown

2789

How Hot is it in Texas?

The cows are giving powdered milk.

-- Unknown

2790

How Hot is it in Texas?

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

-- Unknown

2791

How Hot is it in Texas?

A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain -- not so much for me, 'cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."

-- Unknown

2792

How Hot is it in Texas?

A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, "we got about two and a half inches of that."

-- Unknown

2793

How Hot is it in Texas?

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

-- Unknown

2794

How Hot is it in Texas?

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

-- Unknown

2795

How Hot is it in Texas?

You can make instant sun tea.

-- Unknown

2796

How Hot is it in Texas?

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

-- Unknown

2797

How Hot is it in Texas?

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

-- Unknown

2798

How Hot is it in Texas?

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

-- Unknown

2799

How Hot is it in Texas?

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

-- Unknown

2800

How Hot is it in Texas?

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

-- Unknown

To top of page

2801

From a wall hanging...

Mirror mirror on the wall;
I have become my mother after all.

-- Unknown

2802

How Hot is it in Texas?

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

-- Unknown

2803

How Hot is it in Texas?

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

-- Unknown

2804

How Hot is it in Texas?

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

-- Unknown

2805

How Hot is it in Texas?

You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

-- Unknown

2806

How Hot is it in Texas?

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.

-- Unknown

2807

How Hot is it in Texas?

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

-- Unknown

2808

How Hot is it in Texas?

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

-- Unknown

2809

What does love mean?

Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.

-- Unknown

2810

What does love mean?

When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.

-- Unknown

2811

What does love mean?

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

-- Unknown

2812

What does love mean?

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.

-- Unknown

2813

What does love mean?

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.

-- Unknown

2814

What does love mean?

Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings.

-- Unknown

2815

What does love mean?

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.

-- Unknown

2816

What does love mean?

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.

-- Unknown

2817

What does love mean?

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.

-- Unknown

2818

What does love mean?

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.

-- Unknown

2819

What does love mean?

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.

-- Unknown

2820

What does love mean?

Love is hugging. Love is kissing. Love is saying no.

-- Unknown

2821

What does love mean?

When you tell someone something bad about yourself and you're scared they won't love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, they love you even more.

-- Unknown

2822

What does love mean?

There are two kinds of love Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them.

-- Unknown

2823

What does love mean?

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.

-- Unknown

2824

What does love mean?

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.

-- Unknown

2825

What does love mean?

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.

-- Unknown

2826

What does love mean?

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.

-- Unknown

2827

What does love mean?

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.

-- Unknown

2828

What does love mean?

I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.

-- Unknown

2829

What does love mean?

Love cards like Valentine's cards say stuff on them that we'd like to say ourselves, but we wouldn't be caught dead saying.

-- Unknown

2830

What does love mean?

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.

-- Unknown

2831

What does love mean?

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.

-- Unknown

2832

What does love mean?

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.

-- Unknown

2833

What does love mean?

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.

-- Unknown

2834

What does love mean?

Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.

-- Unknown

2835

What does love mean?

You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.

-- Unknown

2836

What does love mean?

God could have said magic words to make the Nails fall off the cross, but He didn't. That's love.

-- Unknown

2837
How far is the east from the west?

-- Unknown

2838
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?

-- Unknown

2839
How come we have an "outrage" but not an "inrage"?

-- Unknown

2840
Is it possible to be totally partial?

-- Unknown

2841
Wouldn't shiny army boots be more noticeable by the enemy?

-- Unknown

2842
How can anyone be racist if we're all a part of the one human race?

-- Unknown

2843
Do vegetarians love animals or hate plants?

-- Unknown

2844

Bumper stickers for women...

So many men, so few who can afford me.

-- Unknown

2845

Bumper stickers for women...

God made us sisters, prozac made us friends.

-- Unknown

2846

Bumper stickers for women...

If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

-- Unknown

2847

Bumper stickers for women...

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

-- Unknown

2848

Bumper stickers for women...

Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.

-- Unknown

2849

Bumper stickers for women...

Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.

-- Unknown

2850

Bumper stickers for women...

Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.

-- Unknown

2851

Bumper stickers for women...

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

-- Unknown

2852

Bumper stickers for women...

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

-- Unknown

2853

Bumper stickers for women...

I'm out of oestrogen - and I have a gun.

-- Unknown

2854

Bumper stickers for women...

Guys have feelings too. but like...who cares?

-- Unknown

2855

Bumper stickers for women...

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

-- Unknown

2856

Bumper stickers for women...

And your point is?

-- Unknown

2857

Bumper stickers for women...

WARNING: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

-- Unknown

2858

Bumper stickers for women...

EOf course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.

-- Unknown

2859

Bumper stickers for women...

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

-- Unknown

2860

Bumper stickers for women...

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

-- Unknown

2861

Bumper stickers for women...

All stressed out and no one to choke.

-- Unknown

2862

Bumper stickers for women...

You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up.

-- Unknown

2863

Bumper stickers for women...

Do not start with me. you will not win.

-- Unknown

2864

Bumper stickers for women...

If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

-- Unknown

2865

Bumper stickers for women...

Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

-- Unknown

2866
The American Medical Association just announced the two main ingredients in Viagra:
Miracle Grow and Fix-A-Flat

-- Unknown

2867
The best things in life aren't things.

-- Unknown

2868
Tell the truth. It is easier on your memory.

-- Unknown

2869
Speak softly and wear a loud shirt.

-- Unknown

2870
Goals are deceptive. The unaimed arrow never misses.

-- Unknown

2871
He who dies with the most toys still dies.

-- Unknown

2872
Age is relative. When you're over the hill, you pick up speed.

-- Unknown

2873
There are two ways to be rich, make more or desire less.

-- Unknown

2874
Beauty is internal, looks mean nothing.

-- Unknown

2875
No rain, no rainbows.

-- Unknown

2876
Never state the problem to yourself in the same terms it was presented to you.

-- Unknown

2877
The dog who stays on the porch will find no bones.

-- Unknown

2878
If you do not expect the unexpected, you will not find it.

-- Unknown

2879
Don't get too serious. Learn to laugh at yourself.

-- Unknown

2880
If you hit the bull's eye every time, the target is too near. Or too large.

-- Unknown

2881
It is difficult to see the whole picture when you are inside the frame.

-- Unknown

2882
Cast your burden upon on the Lord and he will sustain you.

-- Unknown

2883
The fellow that is a good sport has to lose to prove it.

-- Unknown

2884
If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.

-- Unknown

2885
Everyone complains of memory, no one of his judgement.

-- Unknown

2886
Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game.

-- God

2887
C'mon Over And Bring The Kids.

-- God

2888
What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You Understand?

-- God

2889
We Need To Talk.

-- God

2890
Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer.

-- God

2891
Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage.

-- God

2892
That "Love Thy Neighbor" Thing, I Meant It.

-- God

2893
I Love You...I Love You...I Love You...

-- God

2894
Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place?

-- God

2895
Follow Me.

-- God

2896
Big Bang Theory? You've Got To Be Kidding.

-- God

2897
My Way Is The Highway.

-- God

2898
Need Directions?

-- God

2899
You Think It's Hot Here?

-- God

2900
Tell The Kids I Love Them.

-- God

To top of page

2901
Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available.

-- God

2902
Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test.

-- God

2903
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

-- Mark Twain

2904
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

-- Unknown

2905
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

-- Unknown

2906
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

-- Unknown

2907
When there's a will, I want to be in it!

-- Unknown

2908
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

-- Unknown

2909
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

-- Unknown

2910
Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

-- Unknown

2911
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

-- Unknown

2912
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

-- Unknown

2913
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

-- Unknown

2914
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

-- Unknown

2915
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

-- Unknown

2916
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

-- Unknown

2917
Hukdt on foniks workd for me.

-- Unknown

2918

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Microsoft Works.

-- Unknown

2919

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Religious tolerance.

-- Unknown

2920

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Exact estimate.

-- Unknown

2921

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Working vacation.

-- Unknown

2922

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Rap music.

-- Unknown

2923

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Diet ice cream.

-- Unknown

2924

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Twelve-ounce pound cake.

-- Unknown

2925

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Pretty ugly.

-- Unknown

2926

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Definite maybe.

-- Unknown

2927

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Tight slacks.

-- Unknown

2928

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Political science.

-- Unknown

2929

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Computer security.

-- Unknown

2930

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Terribly pleased.

-- Unknown

2931

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Plastic glasses.

-- Unknown

2932

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Italian Army.

-- Unknown

2933

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Temporary tax increase.

-- Unknown

2934

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

New classic.

-- Unknown

2935

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Peace force.

-- Unknown

2936

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Clearly misunderstood.

-- Unknown

2937

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Taped live.

-- Unknown

2938

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Passive aggression.

-- Unknown

2939

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Christian scientists.

-- Unknown

2940

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Synthetic natural gas.

-- Unknown

2941

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Business ethics.

-- Unknown

2942

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

New York culture.

-- Unknown

2943

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Extinct life.

-- Unknown

2944

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Sweet sorrow.

-- Unknown

2945

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Now, then....

-- Unknown

2946

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Childproof.

-- Unknown

2947

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Act naturally.

-- Unknown

2948

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Found missing.

-- Unknown

2949

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Resident alien.

-- Unknown

2950

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Advanced BASIC.

-- Unknown

2951

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Airline food.

-- Unknown

2952

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Good grief.

-- Unknown

2953

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Almost exactly.

-- Unknown

2954

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Same difference.

-- Unknown

2955

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Genuine imitation.

-- Unknown

2956

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Government organization.

-- Unknown

2957

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Legally drunk.

-- Unknown

2958

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Sanitary landfill.

-- Unknown

2959

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Alone together.

-- Unknown

2960

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Silent scream.

-- Unknown

2961

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

British fashion.

-- Unknown

2962

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Living dead.

-- Unknown

2963

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Small crowd.

-- Unknown

2964

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Software documentation.

-- Unknown

2965

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Military intelligence.

-- Unknown

2966

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Butt head.

-- Unknown

2967

An oxymoron to brighten your day...

Soft rock.

-- Unknown

2968

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

-- Unknown

2969

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better..

-- Unknown

2970

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

-- Unknown

2971

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

You see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.

-- Unknown

2972

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

-- Unknown

2973

You know it's going to be a bad day when...

Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.

-- Unknown

2974

A Thought For Today...

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

-- Unknown

2975

A Thought For Today...

Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.

-- Unknown

2976

A Thought For Today...

BIGOT: someone winning an argument with a liberal.

-- Unknown

2977

A Thought For Today...

I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on the last one.

-- Unknown

2978

A Thought For Today...

To women, men are like big dogs that talk.

-- Unknown

2979

A Thought For Today...

Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

-- Unknown

2980

A Thought For Today...

I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact.

-- Unknown

2981

A Thought For Today...

I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.

-- Unknown

2982

A Thought For Today...

Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.

-- Unknown

2983

A Thought For Today...

Guns don't kill people, it's those little holes.

-- Unknown

2984

A Thought For Today...

Feel free to hurt my feelings. All you risk is my insane rage.

-- Unknown

2985

A Thought For Today...

I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.

-- Unknown

2986

A Thought For Today...

Famous last words: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

-- Unknown

2987

A Thought For Today...

If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!

-- Unknown

2988

A Thought For Today...

Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy!

-- Unknown

2989

A Thought For Today...

I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.

-- Unknown

2990

A Thought For Today...

To err is human. To moo bovine.

-- Unknown

2991

A Thought For Today...

Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?

-- Unknown

2992

A Thought For Today...

All the world's a stage, and I missed rehearsal.

-- Unknown

2993

A Thought For Today...

Why did Kamakazie pilots wear helmets?

-- Unknown

2994

A Thought For Today...

Almost went crazy. Would have been a real short trip.

-- Unknown

2995

A Thought For Today...

If all the world's a stage, I sure got lousy seats.

-- Unknown

2996

A Thought For Today...

If ninety percent of your intelligence came back you'd be almost normal.

-- Unknown

2997

A Thought For Today...

A new restaurant just opened up. It serves Mexican and Soul food. It's called "Nacho Mama".

-- Unknown

2998

A Thought For Today...

Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.

-- Unknown

2999

12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

Step 1: I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

-- Unknown

3000

12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

Step 2: I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

-- Unknown

To top of page

Go to the "Random Quotes" display

<