101
Mistakes live in the neighborhood of truth
and therefore delude us.

102
Be the master of your will and the slave of your conscience.

103
It's not a matter of where you stand
but in what direction you're headed.

104
Forbidden fruit is responsible for many a bad jam.

105
Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.

106
A good example is the best sermon.

107
Man is by nature an artist.

108
You cannot depend on your eyes
when your imagination is out of focus.

109
Success is a journey, not a destination.

110
The worst old age is that of the mind.

111
Liberty means responsibility.
That is why most men dread it.

112
Despise not a small wound, a poor kinsman, or a humble enemy.

113
Genius is patience.

114
Resentment is one burden that is
incompatible with your success.

115
Wealth is not his that has it, but his who enjoys it.

116
Truth is generally the best vindication against slander.

117
If everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

118
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.

119
At first we hope too much, later on, not enough.

120
I do whatever the voices in my head tell me.

121
If you always tell the truth, you don't have anything to remember.

122
The hardest lesson in life we have to learn is
which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.

123
You can't have too many Barbies,
but you only need one Ken.

124
Maybe if we fire someone we can
throw another going-away party.

125
He looks just like that guy over there...only different.

126
Take off your seatbelt before you get out.

127
Two roads diverged in the woods
..so I came back here.

128
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

129
Do what you can,
with what you have,
where you are.

130
Success is counted sweetest ~ By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar ~ Requires sorest need.

131
The toughest thing about being a success
is that you've got to keep on being a success.

132
Good luck needs no explanation.

133
The secret of success is to know
something nobody else knows.

134
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

135
When you are aspiring to the highest place,
it is honorable to reach the second or even the third rank.

136
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never
to have tried to succeed.

137
They can conquer who believe they can.

138
I have the simplest tastes.
I am always satisfied with the best.

139
I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest.

140
Confucious say -
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in desert.

141
Failure is not an option.

142
Only those who risk going too far can possibly
find out how far one can go.

143
Well done is better than well said.

144
He has achieved success who has worked well,
laughed often, and loved much.

145
Die when I may, I want it said of me by those who knew me best
that I always plucked a thistle and planted
a flower where I thought a flower would grow.

146
That best portion of a man's life, his little, nameless,
unremembered acts of kindness and love.

147
You gain strength, experience, and confidence by every
experience where you really stop to look fear in the face...
You must do the thing you cannot do.

148
Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve.
You don't have to have a college degree to serve.
You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve.
You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.

149
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret;
it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.

150
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret;
it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.

151
Failure? I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.

152
Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off your goal.

153
Hide not your talents, they for use were made.
What's a sundial in the shade?

154
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
the saddest are those -It might have been-.

155
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
the saddest are those -It might have been-.

156
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years.

157
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

158
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight;
it's the size of the fight in the dog.

159
The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better
than those who try to do nothing and succeed.

160
You see things and say, Why?, but I dream things and say, Why not?

161
It is not what they take away from you that counts.
It's what you do with what you have left.

162
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

163
Men do less than they ought,
unless they do all that they can.

164
Take the first step in faith.
You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

165
All you need in life is ignorance and confidence,
and then success is sure.

166
Never let inexperience get in the way of ambition.

167
What we focus on determines what we miss -
and what we become.

168
We can't become what we need
to be by remaining what we are.

169
I demand more of myself than anyone else could ever expect.

170
A minute's success pays the failure of years.

171
First say to yourself what you would be;
and then do what you have to do.

172
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of
others cannot keep it from themselves.

173
Are we having fun yet?

174
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

175
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

176
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

177
What's another word for Thesaurus?

178
Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?

179
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations
when smoking is prohibited there?

180
Why are there locks on the doors to the convenience
store that is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year?

181
Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

182
Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you cannot drink and drive?
And why do bars have parking lots?

183
Why does TEFLON stick to the frying pan,
since nothing ever sticks to TEFLON?

184
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

185
Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii?

186
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats,
instead of parachutes?

187
Why do hot dogs come ten to a package
and hot dog buns only eight?

188
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad
of the drive-up ATM?

189
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law,
will something keep going wrong?

190
Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

191
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic ?

192
If all accidents happen within 5 miles of home,
why not move 10 miles away?

193
Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

194
Does a fish get cramps after eating?

195
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is
called a near miss ? Shouldn't it be called a near hit ?

196
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

197
You know that little indestructible black box
that is used on planes? Why can't they make
the whole plane out of the same material?

198
Why isn't palindrome spelled the same way backwards?

199
If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?

200
Why does sour cream have a ..best if used-by.. date?
Does it turn sweet?

201
How does the guy who drives the snowplow
get to work in the mornings?

202
Why is it called TOOTHbrush
when you brush all of your teeth?

203
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

204
If someone invented instant water,
what would they mix it with?

205
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

206
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

207
Why isn't ..phonetic.. spelled the way it sounds?

208
The object of war is not to die for your country
but to make the other bastard die for his.

209
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

210
I have given two cousins to war and
I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.

211
Wars teach us not to love our enemies,
but to hate our allies.

212
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

213
It is well that war is so terrible,
or we should get too fond of it.

214
War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.

215
All war is deception.

216
Diplomats are just as essential in starting
a war as soldiers are in finishing it.

217
A riot is a spontaneous outburst. A war is subject to advance planning.

218
War is the science of destruction.

219
The tragedy of war is that it uses man's best to do man's worst.

220
War is hell.

221
War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

222
I don't know whether war is an interlude during peace,
or peace is an interlude during war.

223
When people speak to you about a preventive war,
you tell them to go and fight it.
After my experience, I have come to hate war.
War settles nothing.

224
When war is declared, Truth is the first casualty.

225
Nations have recently been led to borrow billions for war;
no nation has ever borrowed largely for education.
Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war
and civilization. We must make our choice;
we cannot have both.

226
I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only,
to give everybody chance to get sore at everybody else.
Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war,
but generally one will do it.

227
I venture to say no war can be long carried
on against the will of the people.

228
Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.

229
The Civil War is not ended:
I question whether any serious civil war ever does end.

230
Be convinced that to be happy means to be free
and that to be free means to be brave.
Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war.

231
The grim fact is that we prepare for war like precocious giants,
and for peace like retarded pygmies.

232
Stand your ground.
Don't fire unless fired upon,
but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here.

233
In order for a war to be just, three things are necessary.
First, the authority of the sovereign..
Secondly, a just cause..
Thirdly, a rightful intention.

234
There is a time for all things,
a time to preach and a time to pray,
but those times have passed away.
There is a time to fight,
and that time has now come.

235
War is not merely a political act but a real political instrument,
a continuation of political intercourse, a carrying out of the same by other means.

236
War challenges virtually every other institution of society
-- the justice and equity of its economy,
the adequacy of its political systems,
the energy of its productive plant,
the bases, wisdom and purposes of its foreign policy.

237
We have to go along a road covered with blood.
We have no other alternative.
For us it is a matter of life or death, a matter of living or existing.
We have to be ready to face the challenges that await us.

238
All of us who served in one war or another know
very well that all wars are the glory
and the agony of the young.

239
Soldiers usually win the battles
and generals get the credit for them.

240
The essence of war is violence.
Moderation in war is imbecility.

241
Only two great groups of animals,
men and ants, indulge in highly organized mass warfare.

242
There was never a good war, or a bad peace.

243
I have never advocated war except as a means of peace.

244
There is no such thing as an inevitable war.
If war comes it will be from failure of human wisdom.

245
No one can guarantee success in war, but only deserve it.

246
The secret to staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly, and lie about your age.

247
Age - that period of life in which we compound
for the vices that we still cherish
by reviling those that we no longer have
the enterprise to commit.

248
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.

249
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

250
At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgement.

251
You know you are getting old
when the candles cost more than the cake.

252
My only fear is that I may live too long. This would be a subject of dread to me.

253
I have everything I had twenty years ago -
except that it is now all lower.

254
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you
are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.

255
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine
that age brings wisdom.

256
First you forget names, then you forget faces,
then you forget to pull your zipper up,
and then you forget to pull your zipper down.

257
The longer I live, the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

258
Being over seventy is like being engaged in a war.
All our friends are going or gone and
we survive amoungst the dead and dying on a battlefield.

259
When you are young, women tell you, ..Look but do not touch... As you get older you hear just the opposite.

260
Gray hairs are death's blossoms.

261
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

262
A man of words and not of deeds
is like a garden full of weeds.

263
God helps them that help themselves.

264
It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives.

265
I think, therefore I am.

266
Climb high Climb far Your goal the sku Your aim the star

267
It's not that I am afraid to die.
I just don't want to be there when it happens.

268
Where there is life, there's hope.

269
When the elephants fight it is the grass that suffers.

270
There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.

271
To know happiness, one first must know sadness.

272
If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

273
Appetite comes with eating...
but the thirst goes away with drinking.

274
All is well that ends well.

275
Two heads are better than one.

276
The truth shall make you free.

277
Nothing will come of nothing.

278
Life is a battle, but by smiling I have already won.

279
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift, That's why it's called ..The Present..

280
Search your heart And see The way to do Is to be.

281
The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand
as in playing a poor hand well.

282
Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change.

283
Do you love life? Then do not squander time;
for that's the stuff life is made of.

284

Winners form the habit of concentrating on what they want to happen;

losers concentrate on what they don't want to happen.

In a pressure situation, winners call up past wins;

losers recall past losses.

Both are self-fulfilling.

285
If you're looking for a big opportunity,
seek out a big problem.

286
A man is not finished when he is defeated.
He is finished when he quits.

287
Genius is the gold in the mine;
talent is the miner who works and brings it out.

288
Obstacles don't have to stop you.
If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

289
Much that I sought, I could not find;
Much that I found, I could not keep;
Much that I kept, I could not free;
Much that I freed, returned to me.

290
The key to happiness is having dreams.
The key to success is making your dreams come true.

291
Two men looked out from prison bars,
one saw mud, the other stars.

292
A strong man and a waterfall always
channel their own path.

293
The heights by great men reached and kept were not obtained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.

294
The toughest part of getting to the top of the ladder,
is getting through the crowd at the bottom.

295
Commit yourself to a dream . . .
Nobody who tries to do something great but fails is a total failure.
Why? Because he can always rest assured that he succeeded in life's most important battle - he defeated the fear of trying.

296
I should have no objection to go over the same life from its beginning to the end: requesting only the advantage authors have, of correcting in a second edition the faults of the first.

297
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

298
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

299
Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

300
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
Other times I let him (her) sleep.

301
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

302
Employ teenagers-while they know everything.

303
You've had too much of the 90's when..
you try to enter you password on the microwave.

304
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

305
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

306
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You EMail your son in his room that dinner is ready, and he EMails you back-What are we having for dinner?

307
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor this year.

308
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your EMail buddies via a web page.

309
Recreational drugs..
a term that was invented to make what privileged people do sound less depraved than it would if it were done by poor people.

310
Horn broken. Watch for finger.

311
Your kid may be an honors student,
but you're still an idiot.

312
All generalizations are false.

313
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

314
I brake for no apparent reason.

315
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

316
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

317
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

318
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

319
He who laughs last thinks slowest.

320
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

321
It IS as bad as you think,
and they ARE out to get you.

322
Auntie Em...Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

323
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

324
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

325
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

326
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

327
Forget the Joneses,
I keep us up with the Simpsons.

328
Born free...Taxed to death.

329
The more people I meet,
the more I like my dog.

330
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

331
Rehab is for quitters.

332
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

333
All men are idiots, and I married their King.

334
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

335
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

336
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

337
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food
chain to be a vegetarian.

338
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

339
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

340
When you do a good deed, get a receipt--
in case heaven is like the IRS.

341
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

342
No radio - Already stolen.

343
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

344
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

345
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

346
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

347
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

348
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

349
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

350
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

351
Read between the lines.

352
Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

353
Be gentle with the earth.

354
Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.

355
Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

356
Mind your own business.

357
Don't trust a person who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss.

358
Once a year, go some place you've never been before.

359
If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.

360
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.

361
Learn the rules then break some.

362
Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

363
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

364
Remember that your character is your destiny.

365
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

366
Wisdom of the years at age 6..
I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing 'Silent Night'..

367
Wisdom of the years at age 7..
I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.

368
Wisdom of the years at age 9..
I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.

369
Wisdom of the years at age 12..
I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.

370
Wisdom of the years at age 14..
I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

371
Wisdom of the years at age 1.. I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

372
Wisdom of the years at age 24..
I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.

373
Wisdom of the years at age 26..
I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.

374
Wisdom of the years at age 29..
I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.

375
Wisdom of the years at age 39..
I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

376
Wisdom of the years at age 42..
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

377
Wisdom of the years at age 44..
I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note.

378
Wisdom of the years at age 46..
I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.

379
Wisdom of the years at age 47..
I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

380
Wisdom of the years at age 48..
I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

381
Wisdom of the years at age 49..
I've learned that singing 'Amazing Grace' can lift my spirits for hours.

382
Wisdom of the years at age 58..
I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

383
Wisdom of the years at age 52..
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

384
Wisdom of the years at age 52..
I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

385
Wisdom of the years at age 53..
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

386
Wisdom of the years at age 58..
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

387
Wisdom of the years at age 61..
I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.

388
Wisdom of the years at age 62..
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

389
Wisdom of the years at age 64..
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

390
Wisdom of the years at age 6..
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

391
Wisdom of the years at age 66..
I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

392
Wisdom of the years at age 72..
I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.

393
Wisdom of the years at age 75..
I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several.

394
Wisdom of the years at age 82..
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

395
Wisdom of the years at age 85..
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

396
Wisdom of the years at age 92..
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

397
A really bad double meaning headline...
March Planned For Next August

398
A really bad double meaning headline...
Blind Bishop Appointed To See

399
A really bad double meaning headline...
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked-Thief Gives Police The Slip

400
A really bad double meaning headline...
L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

401
A really bad double meaning headline...
Patient At Death's Door-Doctors Pull Him Through

402
A really bad double meaning headline...
Latin Course To Be Canceled-No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

403
A really bad double meaning headline...
Diaper Market Bottoms Out

404
A really bad double meaning headline...
Croupiers On Strike-Management: 'No Big Deal'

405
A really bad double meaning headline...
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails-Fans Protest

406
A really bad double meaning headline...
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

407
A really bad double meaning headline...
Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

408
A really bad double meaning headline...
Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

409
A really bad double meaning headline...
Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

410
A really bad double meaning headline...
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

411
A really bad double meaning headline...
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

412
A really bad double meaning headline...
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

413
A really bad double meaning headline...
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

414
A really bad double meaning headline...
Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

415
A really bad double meaning headline...
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

416
A really bad double meaning headline...
Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man

417
A really bad double meaning headline...
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

418
A really bad double meaning headline...
Autos Killing 110 a Day-Let's Resolve to Do Better

419
A really bad double meaning headline...
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar

420
A really bad double meaning headline...
War Dims Hope For Peace

421
A really bad double meaning headline...
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

422
A really bad double meaning headline...
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

423
A really bad double meaning headline...
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation

424
A really bad double meaning headline...
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

425
I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth.

426
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

427
When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

428
Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.

429
All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.

430
Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.

431
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.

432
Where facts are few, experts are many.

433
When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?

434
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend.

435
I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.

436
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

437
Sign on classroom clock: Time will pass, but will you?

438
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised it's burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

439
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

440
Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor.

441
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

442
You can't have everything, where would you put it?

443
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

444
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

445
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

446
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

447
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

448
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

449
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

450
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

451
When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

452
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

453
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

454
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

455
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

456
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

457
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

458
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that were not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

459
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

460
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers

461
The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.

462
I don't believe in intuition. When you get sudden flashes of perception, it is just the brain working faster than usual.

463
I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.

464
One man with courage makes a majority.

465
He who needs discipline shows the way of life, but whoever ignore correction leads other astray.

466
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever

467
If your ship STILL hasn't come in... take a lesson from Noah...and build it yourself.

468
To the world you might be one person; but to one person you might be the world.

469
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.

470
Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

471
A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain anonymous.

472
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

473
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

474
Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

475
People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross.

476
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.

477
Did it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?

478
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

479
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

480
There are two things I have learned... There is a God. And I'm not Him.

481
Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.

482
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you're beyond the need of God's grace.

483
The car has become a secular sanctuary for the individual, his shrine to himself, his mobile Walden Pond.

484
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

485
Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.

486
Reckless automobile driving arouses the suspicion that much of the horse sense of the good old days was possessed by the horse.

487
Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.

488
I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them.

489
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

490
If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

491
I try to get people to see what I have... When you run a computer company, you have to get people to buy into your dreams.

492
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.

493
Computers are useless, they can only give you answers.

494
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

495
People who buy Macs are the same people who said BETA is better than VHS 15 years ago.

496
Computers make it easy to do alot of things, but most of the things that they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

497
My favorite team:
Florida and whoever's playing Florida State.

498
Every hero becomes a bore at last.

499
Some people stay longer in an hour than others do in a month.

500
There are very few people who do not become more interesting when they stop talking.

501
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you will see why.

502
A bore is a man who when asked how he is, tells you.

503
A bore is a man who has nothing to say and says it anyway.

504
The Swartzberg Test:
The validity of a science is its ability to predict.

505
A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

506
Those who will play with cats must expect to be scratched.

507
My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her.

508
Cat: a pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

509
No man ever dared to manifest his boredom so insolently as does a Siamese tomcat when he yawns in the face of his amorously importunate wife.

510
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

511
Cats seem to go on the priciple that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

512
No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens.

513
All cats are grey in the dark.

514
Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes?

515
When I play with my cat, who knows whether I do not make her more sport than she makes me?

516
People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored.

517
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

518
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponisible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.

519
A baited cat may grow as fierce as a lion.

520
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

521
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

522
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

523
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

524
In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods, they have never forgotten this.

525
Curiosity did not kill the cat. I got him with the lawnmower.

526
You make the beds, you do the dishes...
six months later you have to start all over again.

527
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours
every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get
anything done in the morning: We're government workers!

528
My mom said the only reason men are alive is
for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

529
I am not the boss of my house.
I don't know when I lost it.
I don't know if I ever had it.
But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it.

530
You can say any foolish thing to a dog,
and the dog will give you his look that says,
'My God, you're right!
I never would've thought of that!'

531
If you want to say it with flowers,
a single rose says: 'I'm cheap!'

532
PARKINSON'S LAW:
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

533
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

534
What can you say about a society that
says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?

535
He who hesitates is not only lost,
but miles from the next exit.

536
Television - a medium.
So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.

537
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

538
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

539
By the time we've made it, we've had it.

540
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.

541
So far I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

542
All technology should be assumed guilty until proven innocent.

543
We do not inherit this land from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.

544
In the beginning, the universe was created.
This made a lot of people very angry,
and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

545
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.

546
It wasn't until late in life that I discovered
how easy it is to say 'I don't know'.

547
If it ain't broke, dont fix it.

548
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

549
The conventional view serves to protect us
from the painful job of thinking.

550
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands
in moments of comfort and convenience, but
where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

551
Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.

552
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

553
Time is the best teacher;
Unfortunately it kills all its students.

554
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

555
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

556
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

557
Pride is what we have.
Vanity is what others have.

558
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

559
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?

560
How can I miss you if you won't go away?

561
Warning:
Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

562
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

563
We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
Then things get worse.

564
Make it idiot-proof and someone
will make a better idiot.

565
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

566
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

567
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

568
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone,
somewhere may be happy.

569
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

570
i souport publik edekashun.

571
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

572
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

573
There are 3 kinds of people:
those who can count & those who can't.

574
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

575
Keep honking...I'm reloading.

576
Caution: I drive like you do.

577
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

578
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

579
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

580
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.

581
Support bacteria -
they're the only culture some people have.

582
When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

583
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

584
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

585
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

586
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo

587
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

588
I poured Spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.

589
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

590
For Sale: Parachute.
Only used once, never opened, small stain.

591
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

592
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

593
If you think nobody cares about you,
try missing a couple of payments.

594
Everybody repeat after me.....We are all individuals.

595
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

596
Death to all fanatics!

597
Are we there yet?

598
...I've learned people are the same the world over!
That's why you should always keep your guard up!

599
Murphy's Technology Law #1:
You can never tell which way the train
went by looking at the track.

600
Murphy's Technology Law #2:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the
wrong conclusion with confidence.

601
Murphy's Technology Law #3:
Technology is dominated by those who manage
what they do not understand.

602
Murphy's Technology Law #4:
If builders built buildings the way programmers
wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along
would destroy civilization.

603
Murphy's Technology Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more
about less and less until he/she knows
absolutely everything about nothing.

604
Murphy's Technology Law #6:
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe,
and he'll believe you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint on it,
and he'll have to touch to be sure.

605
Murphy's Technology Law #7:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.

606
Murphy's Technology Law #8:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

607
Murphy's Technology Law #9:
All's well that ends... period.

608
Murphy's Technology Law #10:
A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.

609
Murphy's Technology Law #11:
The first myth of management is that it exists.

610
Murphy's Technology Law #12:
A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

611
Murphy's Technology Law #13:
New systems generate new problems.

612
Murphy's Technology Law #13:
New systems generate new problems.

613
Murphy's Technology Law #13:
New systems generate new problems.

614
Murphy's Technology Law #15:
We don't know one-millionth of one percent
about anything.

615
Murphy's Technology Law #16:
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

616
Murphy's Technology Law #17:
A computer makes as many mistakes in
two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

617
Procrastinator's Creed, #1:
I believe that if anything is worth doing,
it would have been done already.

618
Procrastinator's Creed, #2:
I shall never move quickly,
except to avoid more work or find excuses.

619
Procrastinator's Creed, #3:
I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

620
Procrastinator's Creed, #4:
I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of
bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

621
Procrastinator's Creed, #5:
I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new
technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

622
Procrastinator's Creed, #6:
I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable
regardless of the amount of time given.

623
Procrastinator's Creed, #7:
If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

624
Procrastinator's Creed, #8:
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I
decide to change my mind.

625
Procrastinator's Creed, #9:
I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step,
and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

626
Procrastinator's Creed, #10:
I will never put off until tomorrow,
what I can forget about forever.

627
Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

628
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

629
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

630
Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

631
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

632
Even if you are on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.

633
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

634
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true.

635
There is always death and taxes;
however death doesn't get worse every year.

636
People will accept your ideas much more readily
if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

637
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

638
I don't mind going anywhere as long as it's an interesting path.

639
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

640
Indecision is the key to flexibility.

641
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

642
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

643
I don't get even, I get odder.

644
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

645
I always wanted to be a procrastinator;
never got around to it.

646
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

647
I am a nutritional overachiever.

648
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

649
I am having an out of money experience.

650
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

651
I am in shape. Round is a shape.

652
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

653
Practice safe eating-always use condiments.

654
A day without sunshine is like night.

655
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

656
If marriage were outlawed,
only outlaws would have in-laws.

657
I am not a perfectionist.
My parents were, though.

658
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations
and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

659
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from
a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

660
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of
candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

661
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

662
The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

663
Time may be a great healer,
but it's also a lousy beautician.

664
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.

665
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes age comes alone.

666
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
you grow old because you stopped laughing.

667
I do not believe anything I have not said.

668
The path before me leads wherever I choose.

669
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

670
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish,
...and he'll learn to call in sick.

671
It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.

672
Hakuna matata

673
Give people more than they expect. Do so cheerfully.

674
Don't believe all you hear,
spend all you have or sleep all you want.

675
When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

676
When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

677
Believe in love at first sight.

678
Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
People who don't have dreams don't have much.

679
Love deeply and passionately.
You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

680
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.

681
Don't judge people by their relatives.

682
Talk slowly, think quickly.

683
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,
smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

684
Remember that great love and great achievements
involve great risk.

685
Call your mom.

686
Say, 'Bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

687
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

688
Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all our actions.

689
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

690
When you realise you've made a mistake,
take immediate steps to correct it.

691
Smile when picking up the phone.
The caller will hear it in your voice.

692
Marry someone you love to talk to.
As you get older, their conversational skills
will be as important as any other skill.

693
Spend some time alone.

694
Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

695
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

696
Read more books and watch less TV.

697
Live a good, honourable life.
Then when you get older and think back,
you'll get to enjoy it a second time.

698
Trust in God but lock your car.

699
A loving atmosphere in your home is so important.
Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.

700
In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation.
Don't bring up the past.

701
It is always the best policy to tell the truth,
unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

702
An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good
habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones.

703
Some people are born mediocre,
some people achieve mediocrity,
and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

704
In a mad world only the mad are sane.

705
Excess on occasion is exhilarating.
It prevents moderation from acquiring
the deadening effect of a habit.

706
The good man is the friend of all living things.

707
Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well.

708
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.

709
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone
discovers exactly what the Universe is for
and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

710
I think that maybe if women and children
were in charge we would get somewhere.

711
Every generation thinks it has the answers,
and every generation is humbled by nature.

712
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.

713
And so, my fellow Americans:
ask not what your country can do for you -
ask what you can do for your country.

714
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

715
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
1. Home is where you hang your @.

716
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

717
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

718
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

719
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
5. Great groups from little icons grow.

720
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

721
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
7. C:\\ is the root of all directories.

722
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
8. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

723
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.

724
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
10. The modem is the message.

725
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

726
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
12. The geeks shall inherit the earth.

727
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
13. There's no place like

728
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.

729
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.

730
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
16. What boots up must come down.

731
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
1. Windows will never cease.
...Unfortunately

732
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
18. Virtual reality is its own reward.

733
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
19. Modulation in all things.

734
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
20. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

735
The older you get, the better you realize you were.

736
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #25
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. J. Simpson

737
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #24
THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION

738
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #23
TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE-by Ellen DeGeneres

739
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #22
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT

740
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #21
HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA

741
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #20
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY-by Dennis Rodman

742
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #19
THE WILD YEARS-by Al Gore

743
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #18
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN

744
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #1
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

745
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #16
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS

746
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #15
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE

747
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #14
DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB

748
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #13
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES

749
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #12
EASY UNIX

750
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #11
ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE

751
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #10
EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

752
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #9
EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN

753
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #8
FRENCH HOSPITALITY

754
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #
GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES

755
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #6
HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER-by Art Garfunkel

756
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #5
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

757
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #4
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES- by the EPA

758
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #3
BOOK OF FRENCH WAR HEROES

759
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #2
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY<

760
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #1
THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton

761
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

762
Go as far as you can see, and when you get there you will see farther.

763
Anger manages everything badly.

764

Unless a man undertakes more that he possibly can do
he will never do all that he can.

765
The true art of memory is the art of attention.

766

Great talkers are little doers.

767
Character is made by what you stand for;
reputation by what you fall for.

768
If I cannot do great things,
I can do small things in a great way.

769
We cannot heal the wounds we do not feel.

770
There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.

771
Children have more need of models than critics.

772
If people speak ill of you,
live so that no one will believe them.

773
Those who follow the crowd are quickly lost in it.

774
When a man is wrapped up in himself,
he makes a pretty small package.

775
A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.
Before him, I may think aloud.

776
First keep the peace within yourself,
then you can also bring peace to others.

777
Who dares nothing, need hope for nothing.

778
Time is the most valuable coin in your life.
You and you alone will determine how that coin will be spent.
Be careful that you do not let other people spend it for you.

779
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

780
Don't be afraid your life will end;
be afraid it will never begin.

781
Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.

782
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen
and thinking what nobody has thought.

783
Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.

784
Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.

785
I long to accomplish a great and noble task;
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.

786
Women's work is always toward wholeness.

787
One loses many laughs by not laughing at oneself.

788
The dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.

789
One ought every day at least, to hear a little song,
read a good poem, see a fine picture, and,
it if were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.

790
The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice.

791
People who know little are usually great talkers,
while people who know much say little.

792
Character is much easier kept than recovered.

793
Be gentle to all, and stern with yourself.

794
It has long been an axiom of mine that
the little things are infinitely the most important.

795
Down in their hearts, wise men know this truth;
the only way to help yourself is to help other.

796
Hope it is a risk that must be run.

797
Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth or a wig.
How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?

798
One may be my very good friend, and not of my opinion.

799
Sad soul, take comfort,
nor forget that sunshine never failed us yet.

800
Imagination is more important than knowledge.

801
What is now proved was once only imagined.

802
It is not enough to have a good mind.
The main thing is to use it well.

803
We should not let grass grow on the path of friendship.

804
It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives.

805
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

806
After all is said and done,
a lot more has been said than done.

807
Hindsight is an exact science.

808
Be wary of strong drink.
It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.

809
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

810
If at first you don't succeed,
give up, no use being a damn fool.

811
If at first you don't succeed
you're running about average.

812
Even rats learn from experience.

813
Advertising may be described as the science
of arresting the human intelligence long
enough to get money from it.

814
We are all special cases.

815
Man is a social animal who dislikes his fellow beings.

816
Money is the root of all evil,
and man needs roots.

817
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.

818
All animals are created equal,
but some are more equal than others.

819
What attracts us in a woman rarely binds us to her.

820
Luxury is a necessity that begins where necessity ends.

821
It is only when they go wrong that machines
remind you how powerful they are.

822
Prophecy is the wit of a fool.

823
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.

824
There is no force so powerful as
an idea whose time has come.

825
The more times you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

826
When I am sad, I sing,
and then the world is sad with me.

827
A child of five would understand this.
Send someone to fetch a child of five.

828
How often I found where I should be going
only by setting out for somewhere else.

829
A component selected at random
from a group having 99% reliability,
will be a member of the 1% group.

830
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally
toward maximum difficulty of assembly.

831
A circuit protected by a fast acting fuse
will protect the fuse by blowing first.

832
A little help at the right time is better
than a lot of help at the wrong time.

833
Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as
taking candy from a baby' has never
tried taking candy from a baby.

834
Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned.

835
A woman, like a good piece of music,
should have a solid end.

836
A Woman is like a teabag --
you can't tell how strong she is
until you put her in hot water.

837
I'll worry about it tomorrow.

838
Although this sentence begins with
the word 'because', it is false.

839
If writers were bakers, this sentence
would be exactly a dozen words long.

840
The whole point of this sentence is to make clear
what the whole point of this sentence is.

841
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, obviously you have no conception
of the magnitude of the problem.

842
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, you must be at least a foot shorter than them.

843
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, you'll be the tallest person in the room.

844
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, obviously you must be the headsman.

845
This must be Thursday.
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

846
I'm sorry, sir, that line is busy till Monday.
Would you hold please?

847
How can they say my life isn't a success?

848
Have I not for more than sixty years
got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?

849
I find that a great part of the information I have was
acquired by looking up something and finding
something else on the way.

850
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of
expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

851
Be content with your lot;
one cannot be first in everything.

852
The paper burns, but the words fly away.

853
Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.

854
How can I prove that I'm not crazy to people who are?

855
Are we having a relationship,
Or just doing research on each other?

856
You have some of my favourite problems.

857
Our meetings are held to discuss many problems
which would never arise
if we held fewer meetings.

858
I'm not getting paid much for staying
alive but it's good experience.

859
Use your own judgement then do as I say.

860
Just when I was getting used to yesterday...
Along came today.

861
There's nothing wrong with growing older,
but where does it lead?

862
No wonder I feel so tired -
I'm older now than I've ever been before.

863
It's hard to face tomorrow, but it's
easier than facing no tomorrow.

864
Let's put the blame where it belongs:
On somebody else.

865
If only our great thinkers could learn to talk,
and our great talkers could learn to think!

866
I always know the right thing to say...
after the right time to say it has passed.

867
How can I fail when I have no purpose?

868
It's hard to remain true to a changing self.

869
When I find true wisdom, I'll let you know,
(if letting you know still seems important.)

870
I've learned to accept birth and death...
but sometimes I still worry about what lies between.

871
My life has a superb cast,
but I can't figure out the plot.

872
Can this really be my life?
or has there been some mistake?

873
I'm looking for freedom
- can you direct me?

874
It's easier to see how funny life is
when somebody else is living it.

875
It's easy to come and go...
The hard thing is to remain.

876
History records no more gallant struggle
than that of humanity against the truth.

877
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie'...
until you can find a rock.

878
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital,
had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better.

879
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

880
Politicians should read science fiction,
not westerns and detective stories.

881
Ketterling's Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.

882
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday,
Wednesday,and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum
theory on Tuesday,Thursday, and Saturday.

883
Not only is there no God,
but try getting a plumber on the weekend.

884
There are things that are so serious
that you can only joke about them.

885
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

886
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the,
intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness',
but it doesn't work.

887
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts
the job will take the longest and cost the most.

888
The trouble with the rat-race is that
even if you win you're still a rat.

889
Experience - a comb life gives
you after you lose your hair.

890
A liberal is a person whose inerests
aren't at stake, at the moment.

891
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults
by confessing our parents' shortcomings.

892
Education is a method whereby one acquires
a higher grade of prejudices.

893
Democracy is a process by which people are free
to choose the man who will get the blame.

894
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

895
Enough research will tend to support your theory.

896
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

897
Every society honours its live conformists
and its dead troublemakers.

898
God is dead, but fifty thousand social
workers have risen to take His place.

899
When smashing monuments, save the pedestals -
they always come in handy.

900
When you jump for joy, beware that no one
moves the ground from beneath your feet.

901
The telephone is a good way to talk to people
without having to offer them a drink.

902
The man who smiles when things go wrong
has thought of someone he can blame it on.

903
Experience enables you to recognise
a mistake when you make it again.

904
Boys will be boys and so will a lot of middle aged men.

905
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

906
God is not dead.
He is alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

907
The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that you've got it made.

908
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign,
four times, definitely will.

909
For most men life is a search for the proper manilla
envelope in which to get themselves filed.

910
Rowe's Rule: the odds are five to six that the light at the
end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train.

911
The only thing that stops God sending a second
Flood is that the first one was useless.

912
If Presidents don't do it to their wives,
they do it to the country.

913
If its good, they'll stop making it.

914
Buy old masters.
They fetch a better price than old mistresses.

915
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot
of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

916
When the lay public rallies round to an idea that is
denounced by distinguised but elderly scientists and
supports the idea with great fervour and emotion,
the distinguised but elderly scientists
are then, after all, right.

917
What passes for optimism is most often
the effect of intellectual error.

918
Experience is a good teacher,
but she sends in terrific bills.

919
A good family is one that used to be better.

920
A conference is a gathering of important people
who singly can do nothing but together can
decide that nothing can be done.

921
The most popular labour saving device
today is still a husband with money.

922
Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has
always been the systematic organization of hatreds.

923
Designed with your mind in mind by people who
have in mind what you should have in mind.

924
WEILER'S LAW: Nothing is impossible for
the man who does not have to do it himself.

925
FINAGLE'S LAW: Once a job is fouled up,
anything done to improve it makes it worse.

926
RUDIN'S LAW: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made
among alternative courses of action, most people will
choose the worst one possible.

927
UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible.

928
THE ULTIMATE PRINCIPLE: By definition, when
you are investigating the unknown - you do not
know what you will find.

929
One Galileo in two thousand years is enough.

930
QUIT is a four letter word!

931
It figures. If there is Artificial Intelligence,
then there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

932
Just because something doesn't do what you
planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.

933
Reality is for people who can't cope with fantasy.

934
Reality is for people who can't cope with science fiction.

935
The way to a man's heart is through his veins.

936
Katz' Law:
Man and nations will act rationally when all
other possibilities have been exhausted.

937
Rule 1: The boss is always right.
Rule 2: When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.

938
Cynicism -- the intellectual cripple's
substitute for intelligence.

939
If we could sell our experiences for what
they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.

940
After all is said and done, sit down.

941
Egotism is the drug that soothes the pain of stupidity.

942
A best-seller was a book which somehow sold
well simpliy because it was selling well.

943
Nobody can be exactly like me.
Even I have trouble doing it.

944
It takes a long time to understand nothing.

945
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Don't miss the boat.

946
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.

947
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

948
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Stay fit. When you're 600 years old,
someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.

949
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Don't listen to critics,
just get on with what has to be done.

950
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Build your future on high ground.

951
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

952
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Two heads are better than one.

953
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Speed isn't always an advantage; after all,
the snails were on the ark with the cheetahs!

954
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
When you're stressed, float a while.

955
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Remember that the ark was built by amateurs;
the Titanic was built by professionals.

956
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Remember that the woodpeckers inside are
a larger threat than the storm outside.

957
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
No matter the storm, when God is
with you, there's a rainbow waiting.

958
The world is full of willing people.
Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

959
Idealism is fine, but as it approaches
reality the cost becomes prohibitive.

960
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.

961
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

962
The first step towards knowledge is
to know that we are ignorant.

963
You cannot dream yourself into a character;
you must forge one for yourself.

964
The buck stops with the guy who signs the cheques.

965
Strong reasons make strong actions.

966
It isn't what they say about you,
it's what they whisper.

967
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.

968
Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers.

969
To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother.

970
Distance lends enhancement to the view.

971
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

972
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

973
Nostalgia is a seductive liar.

974
It often shows a fine command of a language to say nothing.

975
An intelligence test often shows how smart
one would have been not to take it.

976
Wealth buys leisure, but not wisdom.

977
A short saying contains much wisdom.

978
Amid a multitude of projects, no plan is devised.

979
I was young and foolish then;
now I am old and foolisher.

980
Women like silent men.
They think they're listening.

981
There is no time like the pleasant.

982
Willpower is the ability to eat one salted peanut.

983
The Atomic Age is here to stay - but are we?

984
Examine what is said, not who speaks.

985
We have too many high sounding words,
and too few actions that correspond with them.

986
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.

987
Marriage is give and take.
You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

988
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

989
If it were not for the presents,
an elopement would be preferable.

990
An infallible method of conciliating a
tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.

991
A house is not a home.

992
I don't think my parents liked me.
They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

993
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard-
let him worry about cutting it.

994
Life is not fair; get used to it.

995
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year
right out of high school. You won't be a
vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.

996
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you
get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

997
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping;
they called it opportunity.

998
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

999
Before you were born, your parents' weren't as boring as they are
now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes
and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you
save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation,
try "delousing" the closet in your own room.

1000
Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life has not. In some schools they have abolished
failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want
to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest
resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.