Quotes...The First Thousand
From The Whole List

Start at 1Start at 101 Start at 201Start at 301 Start at 401
Start at 501Start at 601 Start at 701Start at 801 Start at 901

1
In a world of copycats, be an original.

-- From a poster

2
Dare to be different.

-- From a poster

3
Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits.

-- From a poster

4
He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.

-- Abraham Lincoln

5
Expert: Avoids the small errors while sweeping
on to the grand fallacy.

-- Unknown

6
Why kill time when one can employ it.

-- French proverb

7
Actually, these are not old crummy jokes.
They're -new- crummy jokes! ;-)

-- Unknown

8
Dana: Don't try any of those old moves on me.
Peter: Oh No... I have a whole new set of old moves now...

-- Unknown

9
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.

-- Unknown

10
The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.

-- F. H. Bradley

11
I don't think you can have a clip level when it comes to customer satisfaction.

-- Tom Tobul

12
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots

-- Benny Hill

13
In most things success depends on knowing how long it takes to succeed.

-- Unknown

14
Diskspace...The final frontier.

-- Unknown

15
The world is full of suffering.
It is also full of overcoming it.

-- Unknown

16
If you can't beat 'em, buy 'em-- Unknown

17
This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.

-- Unknown

18
No, Macarena is not a third-world
country in South America...

-- Unknown

19
There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.

-- French Proverb

20
Success is getting what you want.
Happiness is liking what you get.

-- Unknown

21
People are just about as happy as
they make up their minds to be.

-- A. Lincoln

22
Be not simply good; be good for something.

-- Henry David Thoreau

23
Whenever you fall, pick something up.

-- Oswald Avery

24
One good turn gets most of the blanket.

-- Unknown

25
He hath riches sufficient, who hath enough to be charitable.

-- Sir Thomas Browne

26
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

-- Albert Einstein

27
Such folly smacks of genius!
A lesser mind would be incapable of it.

-- S Holmes

28
Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground.

-- Theodore Roosevelt

29
Well begun is half done.

-- Horace

30
The worst of all deceptions is self-deception.

-- Plato

31
Work to become, not to acquire.

-- Elbert Hubbard

32
If you think you can or think you can't,
either way you are right.

-- Henry Ford

33
The lust for comfort murders the passions of the soul.

-- Kahlil Gibran

34
Happiness consists of activity...
it is a running stream, not a stagnant pool.

-- Unknown

35
The worst old age is that of the mind.

-- William Hazlitt

36
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a Victorian eat?

-- Unknown

37
All human power is a compound of time and patience.

-- Honore De Balzac

38
When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

39
Do! Or do not. There is no 'try'.

-- Unknown

40
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

-- Unknown

41
Do not speak of your happiness
to one less fortunate than yourself.

-- Plutarch

42
Character is destiny.

-- Heraclitus

43
Someone exploded an H-bomb today,
but it wasn't anyone I knew.

-- Unknown

44
It usually takes more than three weeks
to prepare a good impromptu speech.

-- Mark Twain

45
Wealth is not his that has it, but his who enjoys it.

-- Benjamin Franklin

46
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.

-- Unknown

47
The world stands aside to let anyone pass
who knows where he is going.

-- D Jordan

48
Truth is generally the best vindication against slander.

-- Abraham Lincoln

49
He who is convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

-- Robert Burns

50
You can tell a real programmer by the
keyboard dents in his forehead.

-- Unknown

51
Analysis lets you stay ignorant, but with much more detail.

-- Unknown

52
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

53
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

-- Wilde

54
If bees were paid minimum wage,
would anyone be able to afford honey?

-- Unknown

55
People around here must think I'm the Messiah;
they expect miracles and when they don't get them I get crucified.

-- Unknown

56
Never cut what you can untie.

-- Joseph Joubert

57
The greatest homage to truth is to use it.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

58
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

-- Ingrid Bergman

59
A note of music gains significance
from the silence on either side.

-- Unknown

60
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.

-- Dutch Proverb

61
Do not condemn the judgement of another
because it differs from your own.
You may both be wrong.

-- Dandemis

62
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

-- Griffin's Thought

63
The lust for comfort murders the passions of the soul.

-- Kahlil Gibran

64
Man is by nature an artist.

-- Tagore

65
Well begun is half done.

-- Horace

66
The Truth is Out There

-- Unknown

67
If you don't take risks, you can't drink champagne.

-- Alexander Levitz(sp?)

68
The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter.

-- Unknown

69
Man is only truly great when he acts from the passions.

-- Benjamin Disraeli

70
A thick skin is a gift from God.

-- Konrad Adenauer

71
The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

-- Robert Byrne

72
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

-- Unknown

73
Action is eloquence.

-- Shakespeare

74
It's not the load that breaks you down;
its the way you carry it.

-- Unknown

75
In the long run men hit only what they aim at.

-- Henry David Thoreau

76
Experience is what you get
when you were expecting something else.

-- Unknown

77
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.

-- Maori proverb

78
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.

-- Unknown

79
A man's dreams are an index to his greatness.

-- Zadok Rabinwitz

80
The believer is happy; the doubter is wise.

-- Hungarian proverb

81
A people that values its privileges above its principles loses both.

-- DDE

82
Laughter has always seemed to me the most
civilised music in the world.

-- Ustinov

83
Imagination is the secret reservoir of the
riches of the human race.

-- Unknown

84
Quarrels would not last long if the fault were only on one side.

-- Rochefoucauld

85
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

86
All rising to great places is by a winding stair.

-- Francis Bacon

87
Whatever advice you give, be short.

-- Horace

88
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.

-- Seneca

89
He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened.

-- Unknown

90
It's not enough to be busy.
The question is: What are we busy about?

-- Thoreau

91
The business of life is to go forward.

-- Samuel Johnson

92
Hindsight is always a sure thing, but looking
ahead is frought with uncertainty.

-- Ann Landers

93
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

-- Henry David Thoreau

94
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

95
If you judge, investigate.

-- Seneca

96
Always be the first to forgive;
and forgive yourself first always.

-- Dan Zadra

97
The only way to compel men to speak good of us is to do it.

-- Voltaire

98
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

-- W.C. Fields

99
Education is not the filling of a pail
but the lighting of a fire.

-- Yeats

100
Experience is the name everyone gives for their mistakes.

-- Oscar Wilde

To top of page

101
Mistakes live in the neighborhood of truth
and therefore delude us.

-- Unknown

102
Be the master of your will and the slave of your conscience.

-- Hasidic saying

103
It's not a matter of where you stand
but in what direction you're headed.

-- Unknown

104
Forbidden fruit is responsible for many a bad jam.

-- Unknown

105
Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.

-- Henry J. Kaiser

106
A good example is the best sermon.

-- Herbert J. Taylor

107
Man is by nature an artist.

-- Tagore

108
You cannot depend on your eyes
when your imagination is out of focus.

-- Mark Twain

109
Success is a journey, not a destination.

-- H. Tom Collard

110
The worst old age is that of the mind.

-- William Hazlitt

111
Liberty means responsibility.
That is why most men dread it.

-- G. B. Shaw

112
Despise not a small wound, a poor kinsman, or a humble enemy.

-- English Proverb

113
Genius is patience.

-- George-Louis Leclerc De Buffon

114
Resentment is one burden that is
incompatible with your success.

-- Dan Zadra

115
Wealth is not his that has it, but his who enjoys it.

-- Benjamin Franklin

116
Truth is generally the best vindication against slander.

-- Abraham Lincoln

117
If everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

-- Unknown

118
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.

-- Dutch Proverb

119
At first we hope too much, later on, not enough.

-- Joseph Roux

120
I do whatever the voices in my head tell me.

-- Unknown

121
If you always tell the truth, you don't have anything to remember.

-- Unknown

122
The hardest lesson in life we have to learn is
which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.

-- Unknown

123
You can't have too many Barbies,
but you only need one Ken.

-- Magnolia's daughter

124
Maybe if we fire someone we can
throw another going-away party.

-- Jen

125
He looks just like that guy over there...only different.

-- Ally describing an old friend

126
Take off your seatbelt before you get out.

-- Mama Rea

127
Two roads diverged in the woods
..so I came back here.

-- Frank & Ernest comic

128
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

-- Thomas Jefferson

129
Do what you can,
with what you have,
where you are.

-- Theodore Roosevelt

130
Success is counted sweetest ~ By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar ~ Requires sorest need.

-- Emily Dickinson

131
The toughest thing about being a success
is that you've got to keep on being a success.

-- Irving Berlin

132
Good luck needs no explanation.

-- Shirley Temple Black

133
The secret of success is to know
something nobody else knows.

-- Aristotle Onassis

134
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

-- Sir Winston Churchill

135
When you are aspiring to the highest place,
it is honorable to reach the second or even the third rank.

-- Cicero

136
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never
to have tried to succeed.

-- Theodore Roosevelt

137
They can conquer who believe they can.

-- Vergil

138
I have the simplest tastes.
I am always satisfied with the best.

-- Oscar Wilde

139
I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest.

-- John Keats

140
Confucious say -
Even the greatest of whales is helpless in desert.

-- Unknown

141
Failure is not an option.

-- Gene Kranz, Apollo 13 Mission

142
Only those who risk going too far can possibly
find out how far one can go.

-- T. S. Eliot

143
Well done is better than well said.

-- Benjamin Franklin

144
He has achieved success who has worked well,
laughed often, and loved much.

-- Elbert Hubbard

145
Die when I may, I want it said of me by those who knew me best
that I always plucked a thistle and planted
a flower where I thought a flower would grow.

-- Abraham Lincoln

146
That best portion of a man's life, his little, nameless,
unremembered acts of kindness and love.

-- William Wordsworth

147
You gain strength, experience, and confidence by every
experience where you really stop to look fear in the face...
You must do the thing you cannot do.

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

148
Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve.
You don't have to have a college degree to serve.
You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve.
You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.

-- Martin Luther King

149
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret;
it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.

-- Saint-Exupery

150
And now here is my secret, a very simple secret;
it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.

-- Saint-Exupery

151
Failure? I never encountered it.
All I ever met were temporary setbacks.

-- Dottie Walters

152
Obstacles are those frightful things you see
when you take your eyes off your goal.

-- Henry Ford

153
Hide not your talents, they for use were made.
What's a sundial in the shade?

-- Benjamin Franklin

154
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
the saddest are those -It might have been-.

-- John Greenleaf Whittier

155
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
the saddest are those -It might have been-.

-- John Greenleaf Whittier

156
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.
It's the life in your years.

-- Abraham Lincoln

157
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

158
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight;
it's the size of the fight in the dog.

-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

159
The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better
than those who try to do nothing and succeed.

-- Lloyd Jones

160
You see things and say, Why?, but I dream things and say, Why not?

-- George Bernard Shaw

161
It is not what they take away from you that counts.
It's what you do with what you have left.

-- Hubert Humphrey

162
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

-- Elbert Hubbard

163
Men do less than they ought,
unless they do all that they can.

-- Thomas Carlyle

164
Take the first step in faith.
You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

-- Martin Luther King Jr.

165
All you need in life is ignorance and confidence,
and then success is sure.

-- Mark Twain

166
Never let inexperience get in the way of ambition.

-- Terry Josephson

167
What we focus on determines what we miss -
and what we become.

-- Unknown

168
We can't become what we need
to be by remaining what we are.

-- Oprah Winfrey

169
I demand more of myself than anyone else could ever expect.

-- Julius Irving

170
A minute's success pays the failure of years.

-- Robert Browning

171
First say to yourself what you would be;
and then do what you have to do.

-- Epictetus

172
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of
others cannot keep it from themselves.

-- James Barrie

173
Are we having fun yet?

-- Unknown

174
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

-- Unknown

175
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

-- Unknown

176
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

-- Unknown

177
What's another word for Thesaurus?

-- Unknown

178
Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?

-- Unknown

179
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations
when smoking is prohibited there?

-- Unknown

180
Why are there locks on the doors to the convenience
store that is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year?

-- Unknown

181
Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

-- Unknown

182
Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you cannot drink and drive?
And why do bars have parking lots?

-- Unknown

183
Why does TEFLON stick to the frying pan,
since nothing ever sticks to TEFLON?

-- Unknown

184
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

-- Unknown

185
Why are there Interstate Highways in Hawaii?

-- Unknown

186
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats,
instead of parachutes?

-- Unknown

187
Why do hot dogs come ten to a package
and hot dog buns only eight?

-- Unknown

188
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad
of the drive-up ATM?

-- Unknown

189
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law,
will something keep going wrong?

-- Unknown

190
Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

-- Unknown

191
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for monosyllabic ?

-- Unknown

192
If all accidents happen within 5 miles of home,
why not move 10 miles away?

-- Unknown

193
Why doesn't onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

-- Unknown

194
Does a fish get cramps after eating?

-- Unknown

195
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is
called a near miss ? Shouldn't it be called a near hit ?

-- Unknown

196
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

-- Unknown

197
You know that little indestructible black box
that is used on planes? Why can't they make
the whole plane out of the same material?

-- Unknown

198
Why isn't palindrome spelled the same way backwards?

-- Unknown

199
If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?

-- Unknown

200
Why does sour cream have a ..best if used-by.. date?
Does it turn sweet?

-- Unknown

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201
How does the guy who drives the snowplow
get to work in the mornings?

-- Unknown

202
Why is it called TOOTHbrush
when you brush all of your teeth?

-- Unknown

203
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

-- Unknown

204
If someone invented instant water,
what would they mix it with?

-- Unknown

205
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

-- Unknown

206
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

-- Unknown

207
Why isn't ..phonetic.. spelled the way it sounds?

-- Unknown

208
The object of war is not to die for your country
but to make the other bastard die for his.

-- George Patton

209
The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

-- Solomon Short

210
I have given two cousins to war and
I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.

-- Artemus Ward

211
Wars teach us not to love our enemies,
but to hate our allies.

-- W.L.George

212
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

-- Albert Einstein

213
It is well that war is so terrible,
or we should get too fond of it.

-- Robert E. Lee

214
War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.

-- Georges Clemenceau

215
All war is deception.

-- Sun Tzu

216
Diplomats are just as essential in starting
a war as soldiers are in finishing it.

-- Will Rogers

217
A riot is a spontaneous outburst. A war is subject to advance planning.

-- Richard M. Nixon

218
War is the science of destruction.

-- John Abbott

219
The tragedy of war is that it uses man's best to do man's worst.

-- Harry Emerson Fosdick

220
War is hell.

-- William Tecumseh Sherman

221
War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.

-- French Proverb

222
I don't know whether war is an interlude during peace,
or peace is an interlude during war.

-- Georges Clemenceau

223
When people speak to you about a preventive war,
you tell them to go and fight it.
After my experience, I have come to hate war.
War settles nothing.

-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

224
When war is declared, Truth is the first casualty.

-- Arthur Ponsonby

225
Nations have recently been led to borrow billions for war;
no nation has ever borrowed largely for education.
Probably, no nation is rich enough to pay for both war
and civilization. We must make our choice;
we cannot have both.

-- Abraham Flexner

226
I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only,
to give everybody chance to get sore at everybody else.
Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war,
but generally one will do it.

-- Will Rogers

227
I venture to say no war can be long carried
on against the will of the people.

-- Edmund Burke

228
Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.

-- Carl Sandburg

229
The Civil War is not ended:
I question whether any serious civil war ever does end.

-- T. S. Eliot

230
Be convinced that to be happy means to be free
and that to be free means to be brave.
Therefore do not take lightly the perils of war.

-- Thucydides

231
The grim fact is that we prepare for war like precocious giants,
and for peace like retarded pygmies.

-- Lester Bowles Pearson

232
Stand your ground.
Don't fire unless fired upon,
but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here.

-- John Parker

233
In order for a war to be just, three things are necessary.
First, the authority of the sovereign..
Secondly, a just cause..
Thirdly, a rightful intention.

-- Saint Thomas Aquinas

234
There is a time for all things,
a time to preach and a time to pray,
but those times have passed away.
There is a time to fight,
and that time has now come.

-- Peter Muhlenberg

235
War is not merely a political act but a real political instrument,
a continuation of political intercourse, a carrying out of the same by other means.

-- Karl von Clausewitz

236
War challenges virtually every other institution of society
-- the justice and equity of its economy,
the adequacy of its political systems,
the energy of its productive plant,
the bases, wisdom and purposes of its foreign policy.

-- Walter Millis

237
We have to go along a road covered with blood.
We have no other alternative.
For us it is a matter of life or death, a matter of living or existing.
We have to be ready to face the challenges that await us.

-- Gamel Abdel Nasser

238
All of us who served in one war or another know
very well that all wars are the glory
and the agony of the young.

-- Gerald R. Ford

239
Soldiers usually win the battles
and generals get the credit for them.

-- Napoleon Bonaparte

240
The essence of war is violence.
Moderation in war is imbecility.

-- John A. Fisher

241
Only two great groups of animals,
men and ants, indulge in highly organized mass warfare.

-- Charles H. Maskins

242
There was never a good war, or a bad peace.

-- Benjamin Franklin

243
I have never advocated war except as a means of peace.

-- Ulysses S. Grant

244
There is no such thing as an inevitable war.
If war comes it will be from failure of human wisdom.

-- Andrew B. Law

245
No one can guarantee success in war, but only deserve it.

-- Winston Churchill

246
The secret to staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly, and lie about your age.

-- Lucille Ball

247
Age - that period of life in which we compound
for the vices that we still cherish
by reviling those that we no longer have
the enterprise to commit.

-- Ambrose Bierce

248
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.

-- Maurice Chevalier

249
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

-- Phyllis Diller

250
At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgement.

-- Ben Franklin

251
You know you are getting old
when the candles cost more than the cake.

-- Bob Hope

252
My only fear is that I may live too long. This would be a subject of dread to me.

-- Thomas Jefferson

253
I have everything I had twenty years ago -
except that it is now all lower.

-- Gypsy Rose Lee

254
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you
are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.

-- Golda Meir

255
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine
that age brings wisdom.

-- H. L. Mencken

256
First you forget names, then you forget faces,
then you forget to pull your zipper up,
and then you forget to pull your zipper down.

-- Leo Rosenberg

257
The longer I live, the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

-- George Bernard Shaw

258
Being over seventy is like being engaged in a war.
All our friends are going or gone and
we survive amoungst the dead and dying on a battlefield.

-- Muriel Spark

259
When you are young, women tell you, ..Look but do not touch... As you get older you hear just the opposite.

-- Unknown

260
Gray hairs are death's blossoms.

-- Unknown

261
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

-- Anonymous

262
A man of words and not of deeds
is like a garden full of weeds.

-- Anonymous

263
God helps them that help themselves.

-- Ben Franklin

264
It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives.

-- Samuel Johnson

265
I think, therefore I am.

-- Rene Descartes

266
Climb high Climb far Your goal the sku Your aim the star

-- Inscription on Hopkins Memorial Steps, MASS.

267
It's not that I am afraid to die.
I just don't want to be there when it happens.

-- Woody Allen

268
Where there is life, there's hope.

-- Marcustullius Cicero

269
When the elephants fight it is the grass that suffers.

-- Anonymous

270
There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.

-- George Sand

271
To know happiness, one first must know sadness.

-- Anonymous

272
If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

-- Martin Luther King Jr.

273
Appetite comes with eating...
but the thirst goes away with drinking.

-- Francois Rabelais

274
All is well that ends well.

-- John Heywood

275
Two heads are better than one.

-- John Heywood

276
The truth shall make you free.

-- John 8: 32

277
Nothing will come of nothing.

-- William Shakespeare

278
Life is a battle, but by smiling I have already won.

-- Anonymous

279
Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift, That's why it's called ..The Present..

-- Anonymous

280
Search your heart And see The way to do Is to be.

-- Anonymous

281
The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand
as in playing a poor hand well.

-- H.T. Leslie

282
Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change.

-- Jesse Jackson

283
Do you love life? Then do not squander time;
for that's the stuff life is made of.

-- Ben Franklin

284
Winners form the habit of concentrating on what they want to happen;
losers concentrate on what they don't want to happen.
In a pressure situation, winners call up past wins;
losers recall past losses.
Both are self-fulfilling.

-- Thomas Edison

285
If you're looking for a big opportunity,
seek out a big problem.

-- Unknown

286
A man is not finished when he is defeated.
He is finished when he quits.

-- Richard M. Nixon

287
Genius is the gold in the mine;
talent is the miner who works and brings it out.

-- Marguerite Bessington

288
Obstacles don't have to stop you.
If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

-- Michael Jordan

289
Much that I sought, I could not find;
Much that I found, I could not keep;
Much that I kept, I could not free;
Much that I freed, returned to me.

-- Lord Byron

290
The key to happiness is having dreams.
The key to success is making your dreams come true.

-- Unknown

291
Two men looked out from prison bars,
one saw mud, the other stars.

-- Unknown

292
A strong man and a waterfall always
channel their own path.

-- Unknown

293
The heights by great men reached and kept were not obtained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.

-- Thomas S. Monson

294
The toughest part of getting to the top of the ladder,
is getting through the crowd at the bottom.

-- Unknown

295
Commit yourself to a dream . . .
Nobody who tries to do something great but fails is a total failure.
Why? Because he can always rest assured that he succeeded in life's most important battle - he defeated the fear of trying.

-- Robert H. Schuller

296
I should have no objection to go over the same life from its beginning to the end: requesting only the advantage authors have, of correcting in a second edition the faults of the first.

-- Benjamin Franklin

297
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

-- The Rotarian

298
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

-- The Rotarian

299
Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

-- The Rotarian

300
Sometimes I wake up grumpy.
Other times I let him (her) sleep.

-- The Rotarian

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301
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

-- The Rotarian

302
Employ teenagers-while they know everything.

-- The Rotarian

303
You've had too much of the 90's when..
you try to enter you password on the microwave.

-- The Rotarian

304
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.

-- The Rotarian

305
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

-- The Rotarian

306
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You EMail your son in his room that dinner is ready, and he EMails you back-What are we having for dinner?

-- The Rotarian

307
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor this year.

-- The Rotarian

308
You've had too much of the 90's when..
You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your EMail buddies via a web page.

-- The Rotarian

309
Recreational drugs..
a term that was invented to make what privileged people do sound less depraved than it would if it were done by poor people.

-- Calvin Trillin, Time

310
Horn broken. Watch for finger.

-- Unknown

311
Your kid may be an honors student,
but you're still an idiot.

-- Unknown

312
All generalizations are false.

-- Unknown

313
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

-- Unknown

314
I brake for no apparent reason.

-- Unknown

315
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

-- Unknown

316
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

-- Unknown

317
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

-- Unknown

318
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

-- Unknown

319
He who laughs last thinks slowest.

-- Unknown

320
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

-- Unknown

321
It IS as bad as you think,
and they ARE out to get you.

-- Unknown

322
Auntie Em...Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

-- Unknown

323
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

-- Unknown

324
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

-- Unknown

325
I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

-- Unknown

326
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

-- Unknown

327
Forget the Joneses,
I keep us up with the Simpsons.

-- Unknown

328
Born free...Taxed to death.

-- Unknown

329
The more people I meet,
the more I like my dog.

-- Unknown

330
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

-- Unknown

331
Rehab is for quitters.

-- Unknown

332
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

-- Unknown

333
All men are idiots, and I married their King.

-- Unknown

334
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.

-- Unknown

335
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!

-- Unknown

336
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

-- Unknown

337
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food
chain to be a vegetarian.

-- Unknown

338
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

-- Unknown

339
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

-- Unknown

340
When you do a good deed, get a receipt--
in case heaven is like the IRS.

-- Unknown

341
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

-- Unknown

342
No radio - Already stolen.

-- Unknown

343
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

-- Unknown

344
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

-- Unknown

345
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

-- Unknown

346
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

-- Unknown

347
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

-- Unknown

348
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

-- Unknown

349
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

-- Unknown

350
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

-- Unknown

351
Read between the lines.

-- Unknown

352
Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

-- Unknown

353
Be gentle with the earth.

-- Unknown

354
Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.

-- Unknown

355
Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

-- Unknown

356
Mind your own business.

-- Unknown

357
Don't trust a person who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss.

-- Unknown

358
Once a year, go some place you've never been before.

-- Unknown

359
If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.

-- Unknown

360
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.

-- Unknown

361
Learn the rules then break some.

-- Unknown

362
Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

-- Unknown

363
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

-- Unknown

364
Remember that your character is your destiny.

-- Unknown

365
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

-- Unknown

366
Wisdom of the years at age 6..
I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing 'Silent Night'..

-- Unknown

367
Wisdom of the years at age 7..
I've learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either.

-- Unknown

368
Wisdom of the years at age 9..
I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.

-- Unknown

369
Wisdom of the years at age 12..
I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again.

-- Unknown

370
Wisdom of the years at age 14..
I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.

-- Unknown

371
Wisdom of the years at age 1.. I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.

-- Unknown

372
Wisdom of the years at age 24..
I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.

-- Unknown

373
Wisdom of the years at age 26..
I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.

-- Unknown

374
Wisdom of the years at age 29..
I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.

-- Unknown

375
Wisdom of the years at age 39..
I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

-- Unknown

376
Wisdom of the years at age 42..
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.

-- Unknown

377
Wisdom of the years at age 44..
I've learned that you can make some one's day by simply sending them a little note.

-- Unknown

378
Wisdom of the years at age 46..
I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others.

-- Unknown

379
Wisdom of the years at age 47..
I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.

-- Unknown

380
Wisdom of the years at age 48..
I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

-- Unknown

381
Wisdom of the years at age 49..
I've learned that singing 'Amazing Grace' can lift my spirits for hours.

-- Unknown

382
Wisdom of the years at age 58..
I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.

-- Unknown

383
Wisdom of the years at age 52..
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

-- Unknown

384
Wisdom of the years at age 52..
I've learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills.

-- Unknown

385
Wisdom of the years at age 53..
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.

-- Unknown

386
Wisdom of the years at age 58..
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.

-- Unknown

387
Wisdom of the years at age 61..
I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage.

-- Unknown

388
Wisdom of the years at age 62..
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

-- Unknown

389
Wisdom of the years at age 64..
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

-- Unknown

390
Wisdom of the years at age 6..
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

-- Unknown

391
Wisdom of the years at age 66..
I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.

-- Unknown

392
Wisdom of the years at age 72..
I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.

-- Unknown

393
Wisdom of the years at age 75..
I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several.

-- Unknown

394
Wisdom of the years at age 82..
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

-- Unknown

395
Wisdom of the years at age 85..
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

-- Unknown

396
Wisdom of the years at age 92..
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

-- Unknown

397
A really bad double meaning headline...
March Planned For Next August

-- Unknown

398
A really bad double meaning headline...
Blind Bishop Appointed To See

-- Unknown

399
A really bad double meaning headline...
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked-Thief Gives Police The Slip

-- Unknown

400
A really bad double meaning headline...
L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

-- Unknown

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401
A really bad double meaning headline...
Patient At Death's Door-Doctors Pull Him Through

-- Unknown

402
A really bad double meaning headline...
Latin Course To Be Canceled-No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

-- Unknown

403
A really bad double meaning headline...
Diaper Market Bottoms Out

-- Unknown

404
A really bad double meaning headline...
Croupiers On Strike-Management: 'No Big Deal'

-- Unknown

405
A really bad double meaning headline...
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails-Fans Protest

-- Unknown

406
A really bad double meaning headline...
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

-- Unknown

407
A really bad double meaning headline...
Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

-- Unknown

408
A really bad double meaning headline...
Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

-- Unknown

409
A really bad double meaning headline...
Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

-- Unknown

410
A really bad double meaning headline...
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

-- Unknown

411
A really bad double meaning headline...
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

-- Unknown

412
A really bad double meaning headline...
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

-- Unknown

413
A really bad double meaning headline...
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

-- Unknown

414
A really bad double meaning headline...
Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

-- Unknown

415
A really bad double meaning headline...
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

-- Unknown

416
A really bad double meaning headline...
Cancer Society Honors Marlboro Man

-- Unknown

417
A really bad double meaning headline...
Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy

-- Unknown

418
A really bad double meaning headline...
Autos Killing 110 a Day-Let's Resolve to Do Better

-- Unknown

419
A really bad double meaning headline...
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar

-- Unknown

420
A really bad double meaning headline...
War Dims Hope For Peace

-- Unknown

421
A really bad double meaning headline...
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While

-- Unknown

422
A really bad double meaning headline...
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

-- Unknown

423
A really bad double meaning headline...
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation

-- Unknown

424
A really bad double meaning headline...
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years

-- Unknown

425
I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth.

-- Carl Sandburg

426
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

-- Ronald Reagan

427
When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

-- Lord Falkland

428
Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other.

-- Unknown

429
All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.

-- Galileo Galilei

430
Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.

-- Robert Byrne

431
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.

-- Unknown

432
Where facts are few, experts are many.

-- Donald R. Gannon

433
When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn't she behave like a nice man?

-- Edith Evans

434
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him of the entire weekend.

-- Zenna Schaffer

435
I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.

-- Lesley Boone

436
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

-- Mother Teresa

437
Sign on classroom clock: Time will pass, but will you?

-- Unknown

438
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised it's burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

-- Unknown

439
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

-- Unknown

440
Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor.

-- Unknown

441
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

-- Unknown

442
You can't have everything, where would you put it?

-- Unknown

443
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

-- Unknown

444
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

-- Unknown

445
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

-- Unknown

446
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

-- Unknown

447
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

-- Unknown

448
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

-- Unknown

449
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

-- Unknown

450
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

-- Unknown

451
When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

-- Unknown

452
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

-- Unknown

453
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

-- Unknown

454
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

-- Unknown

455
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

-- Unknown

456
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

-- Unknown

457
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

-- Unknown

458
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that were not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

-- Unknown

459
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

-- Unknown

460
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers

-- James Thurbor, humorist

461
The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.

-- Frank Herbert, novelist

462
I don't believe in intuition. When you get sudden flashes of perception, it is just the brain working faster than usual.

-- Katherine Anne Porter, novelist

463
I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.

-- Thomas Alva Edison, inventor

464
One man with courage makes a majority.

-- President Andrew Jackson

465
He who needs discipline shows the way of life, but whoever ignore correction leads other astray.

-- Proverbs 10:17 (niv)

466
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever

-- Chinese proverb

467
If your ship STILL hasn't come in... take a lesson from Noah...and build it yourself.

-- From a Ziggy comic

468
To the world you might be one person; but to one person you might be the world.

-- Unknown

469
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.

-- Unknown

470
Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

-- Unknown

471
A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain anonymous.

-- Unknown

472
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

-- Unknown

473
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

-- Unknown

474
Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

-- Unknown

475
People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross.

-- Unknown

476
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.

-- Unknown

477
Did it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?

-- Unknown

478
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.

-- Unknown

479
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

-- Unknown

480
There are two things I have learned... There is a God. And I'm not Him.

-- Unknown

481
Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.

-- Unknown

482
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you're beyond the need of God's grace.

-- Unknown

483
The car has become a secular sanctuary for the individual, his shrine to himself, his mobile Walden Pond.

-- Edward McDonagh

484
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

-- Lewis Mumford

485
Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.

-- E. B. White

486
Reckless automobile driving arouses the suspicion that much of the horse sense of the good old days was possessed by the horse.

-- Unknown

487
Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.

-- Scott Adams

488
I do not fear computers. I fear lack of them.

-- Isaac Asimov

489
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

-- Rich Cook

490
If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

-- Robert Cringely

491
I try to get people to see what I have... When you run a computer company, you have to get people to buy into your dreams.

-- Steve Jobs

492
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.

-- Porterfield

493
Computers are useless, they can only give you answers.

-- Pablo Picasso

494
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

-- Jeff Raskin

495
People who buy Macs are the same people who said BETA is better than VHS 15 years ago.

-- Unknown

496
Computers make it easy to do alot of things, but most of the things that they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

-- Andy Rooney

497
My favorite team:
Florida and whoever's playing Florida State.

-- Unknown

498
Every hero becomes a bore at last.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

499
Some people stay longer in an hour than others do in a month.

-- William Howells

500
There are very few people who do not become more interesting when they stop talking.

-- Mary Lowry

To top of page

501
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you will see why.

-- Mignon McLaughlin

502
A bore is a man who when asked how he is, tells you.

-- Bert Taylor

503
A bore is a man who has nothing to say and says it anyway.

-- Elaine Boosler

504
The Swartzberg Test:
The validity of a science is its ability to predict.

-- Unknown

505
A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

-- Unknown

506
Those who will play with cats must expect to be scratched.

-- Cervantes

507
My cat does not talk as respectfully to me as I do to her.

-- Colette

508
Cat: a pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

-- Oliver Herford

509
No man ever dared to manifest his boredom so insolently as does a Siamese tomcat when he yawns in the face of his amorously importunate wife.

-- Aldous Huxley

510
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

-- Garrison Keillor

511
Cats seem to go on the priciple that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

-- Joseph Wood Krutch

512
No matter how much cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens.

-- Abraham Lincoln

513
All cats are grey in the dark.

-- Thomas Lodge

514
Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes?

-- Fernand Mery

515
When I play with my cat, who knows whether I do not make her more sport than she makes me?

-- Montaigne

516
People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored.

-- Henry Morgan

517
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

-- Ogden Nash

518
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponisible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.

-- P.J. O'Rourke

519
A baited cat may grow as fierce as a lion.

-- Samuel Palmer

520
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

-- Mark Twain

521
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

-- Unknown

522
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

-- Jeff Valdez

523
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

-- Alfred North Whitehead

524
In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods, they have never forgotten this.

-- Unknown

525
Curiosity did not kill the cat. I got him with the lawnmower.

-- Unknown

526
You make the beds, you do the dishes...
six months later you have to start all over again.

-- Joan Rivers

527
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours
every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get
anything done in the morning: We're government workers!

-- Jay Leno

528
My mom said the only reason men are alive is
for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

-- Tim Allen

529
I am not the boss of my house.
I don't know when I lost it.
I don't know if I ever had it.
But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it.

-- Bill Cosby

530
You can say any foolish thing to a dog,
and the dog will give you his look that says,
'My God, you're right!
I never would've thought of that!'

-- Dave Barry

531
If you want to say it with flowers,
a single rose says: 'I'm cheap!'

-- Delta Burke

532
PARKINSON'S LAW:
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

-- Delta Burke

533
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

-- George Carlin

534
What can you say about a society that
says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?

-- Irv Kupcinet

535
He who hesitates is not only lost,
but miles from the next exit.

-- Unknown

536
Television - a medium.
So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.

-- Ernie Kovacs

537
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

-- Jay Leno

538
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

-- J. Danforth Quayle

539
By the time we've made it, we've had it.

-- Malcolm Forbes

540
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.

-- Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980)

541
So far I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

-- Frank McKinney Hubbard

542
All technology should be assumed guilty until proven innocent.

-- David Brower

543
We do not inherit this land from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.

-- Haida Indian saying

544
In the beginning, the universe was created.
This made a lot of people very angry,
and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.

-- Douglas Adams

545
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.

-- Stephen Hawking

546
It wasn't until late in life that I discovered
how easy it is to say 'I don't know'.

-- W. Somerset Maugham

547
If it ain't broke, dont fix it.

-- Bert Lance

548
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

-- Victor Borge

549
The conventional view serves to protect us
from the painful job of thinking.

-- John Kenneth Galbraith

550
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands
in moments of comfort and convenience, but
where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

-- Martin Luther King

551
Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.

-- Unknown

552
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

-- Unknown

553
Time is the best teacher;
Unfortunately it kills all its students.

-- Unknown

554
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

-- Unknown

555
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

-- Unknown

556
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

-- Unknown

557
Pride is what we have.
Vanity is what others have.

-- Unknown

558
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

-- Unknown

559
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?

-- Unknown

560
How can I miss you if you won't go away?

-- Unknown

561
Warning:
Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

-- Unknown

562
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

-- Unknown

563
We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
Then things get worse.

-- Unknown

564
Make it idiot-proof and someone
will make a better idiot.

-- Unknown

565
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

-- Unknown

566
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

-- Unknown

567
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

-- Unknown

568
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone,
somewhere may be happy.

-- Unknown

569
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

-- Unknown

570
i souport publik edekashun.

-- Unknown

571
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

-- Unknown

572
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

-- Unknown

573
There are 3 kinds of people:
those who can count & those who can't.

-- Unknown

574
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

-- Unknown

575
Keep honking...I'm reloading.

-- Unknown

576
Caution: I drive like you do.

-- Unknown

577
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

-- Unknown

578
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

-- Unknown

579
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

-- Unknown

580
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.

-- Unknown

581
Support bacteria -
they're the only culture some people have.

-- Unknown

582
When everything's coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.

-- Unknown

583
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

-- Unknown

584
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

-- Unknown

585
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

-- Unknown

586
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo

-- Unknown

587
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

-- Unknown

588
I poured Spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.

-- Unknown

589
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

-- Unknown

590
For Sale: Parachute.
Only used once, never opened, small stain.

-- Unknown

591
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

-- Unknown

592
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

-- Unknown

593
If you think nobody cares about you,
try missing a couple of payments.

-- Unknown

594
Everybody repeat after me.....We are all individuals.

-- Unknown

595
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

-- Unknown

596
Death to all fanatics!

-- Unknown

597
Are we there yet?

-- Unknown

598
...I've learned people are the same the world over!
That's why you should always keep your guard up!

-- Hagar The Horrible

599
Murphy's Technology Law #1:
You can never tell which way the train
went by looking at the track.

-- Unknown

600
Murphy's Technology Law #2:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the
wrong conclusion with confidence.

-- Unknown

To top of page

601
Murphy's Technology Law #3:
Technology is dominated by those who manage
what they do not understand.

-- Unknown

602
Murphy's Technology Law #4:
If builders built buildings the way programmers
wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along
would destroy civilization.

-- Unknown

603
Murphy's Technology Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more
about less and less until he/she knows
absolutely everything about nothing.

-- Unknown

604
Murphy's Technology Law #6:
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe,
and he'll believe you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint on it,
and he'll have to touch to be sure.

-- Unknown

605
Murphy's Technology Law #7:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.

-- Unknown

606
Murphy's Technology Law #8:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

-- Unknown

607
Murphy's Technology Law #9:
All's well that ends... period.

-- Unknown

608
Murphy's Technology Law #10:
A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.

-- Unknown

609
Murphy's Technology Law #11:
The first myth of management is that it exists.

-- Unknown

610
Murphy's Technology Law #12:
A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

-- Unknown

611
Murphy's Technology Law #13:
New systems generate new problems.

-- Unknown

612
Murphy's Technology Law #13:
New systems generate new problems.

-- Unknown

613
Murphy's Technology Law #13:
New systems generate new problems.

-- Unknown

614
Murphy's Technology Law #15:
We don't know one-millionth of one percent
about anything.

-- Unknown

615
Murphy's Technology Law #16:
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

-- Unknown

616
Murphy's Technology Law #17:
A computer makes as many mistakes in
two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

-- Unknown

617
Procrastinator's Creed, #1:
I believe that if anything is worth doing,
it would have been done already.

-- Unknown

618
Procrastinator's Creed, #2:
I shall never move quickly,
except to avoid more work or find excuses.

-- Unknown

619
Procrastinator's Creed, #3:
I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

-- Unknown

620
Procrastinator's Creed, #4:
I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of
bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

-- Unknown

621
Procrastinator's Creed, #5:
I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new
technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

-- Unknown

622
Procrastinator's Creed, #6:
I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable
regardless of the amount of time given.

-- Unknown

623
Procrastinator's Creed, #7:
If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

-- Unknown

624
Procrastinator's Creed, #8:
I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I
decide to change my mind.

-- Unknown

625
Procrastinator's Creed, #9:
I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step,
and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

-- Unknown

626
Procrastinator's Creed, #10:
I will never put off until tomorrow,
what I can forget about forever.

-- Unknown

627
Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

-- Unknown

628
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

-- Unknown

629
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

-- Unknown

630
Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

-- Unknown

631
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

-- Unknown

632
Even if you are on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.

-- Unknown

633
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

-- Unknown

634
An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears that this is true.

-- Unknown

635
There is always death and taxes;
however death doesn't get worse every year.

-- Unknown

636
People will accept your ideas much more readily
if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

-- Unknown

637
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

-- Unknown

638
I don't mind going anywhere as long as it's an interesting path.

-- Unknown

639
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

-- Unknown

640
Indecision is the key to flexibility.

-- Unknown

641
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

-- Unknown

642
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

-- Unknown

643
I don't get even, I get odder.

-- Unknown

644
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

-- Unknown

645
I always wanted to be a procrastinator;
never got around to it.

-- Unknown

646
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

-- Unknown

647
I am a nutritional overachiever.

-- Unknown

648
My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

-- Unknown

649
I am having an out of money experience.

-- Unknown

650
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

-- Unknown

651
I am in shape. Round is a shape.

-- Unknown

652
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

-- Unknown

653
Practice safe eating-always use condiments.

-- Unknown

654
A day without sunshine is like night.

-- Unknown

655
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

-- Unknown

656
If marriage were outlawed,
only outlaws would have in-laws.

-- Unknown

657
I am not a perfectionist.
My parents were, though.

-- Unknown

658
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations
and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

-- Unknown

659
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from
a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

-- Unknown

660
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of
candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

-- Unknown

661
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

-- Unknown

662
The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

-- Unknown

663
Time may be a great healer,
but it's also a lousy beautician.

-- Unknown

664
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.

-- Unknown

665
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes age comes alone.

-- Unknown

666
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
you grow old because you stopped laughing.

-- Unknown

667
I do not believe anything I have not said.

-- Charles DeGaul

668
The path before me leads wherever I choose.

-- Walt Whitman

669
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

-- Henry David Thoreau

670
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish,
...and he'll learn to call in sick.

-- Shoe comic strip

671
It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.

-- Sister Elizabeth Kenny

672
Hakuna matata

-- Disney's The Lion King

673
Give people more than they expect. Do so cheerfully.

-- Unknown

674
Don't believe all you hear,
spend all you have or sleep all you want.

-- Unknown

675
When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

-- Unknown

676
When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

-- Unknown

677
Believe in love at first sight.

-- Unknown

678
Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
People who don't have dreams don't have much.

-- Unknown

679
Love deeply and passionately.
You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

-- Unknown

680
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.

-- Unknown

681
Don't judge people by their relatives.

-- Unknown

682
Talk slowly, think quickly.

-- Unknown

683
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,
smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'

-- Unknown

684
Remember that great love and great achievements
involve great risk.

-- Unknown

685
Call your mom.

-- Unknown

686
Say, 'Bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

-- Unknown

687
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

-- Unknown

688
Remember the three R's:
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all our actions.

-- Unknown

689
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

-- Unknown

690
When you realise you've made a mistake,
take immediate steps to correct it.

-- Unknown

691
Smile when picking up the phone.
The caller will hear it in your voice.

-- Unknown

692
Marry someone you love to talk to.
As you get older, their conversational skills
will be as important as any other skill.

-- Unknown

693
Spend some time alone.

-- Unknown

694
Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

-- Unknown

695
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

-- Unknown

696
Read more books and watch less TV.

-- Unknown

697
Live a good, honourable life.
Then when you get older and think back,
you'll get to enjoy it a second time.

-- Unknown

698
Trust in God but lock your car.

-- Unknown

699
A loving atmosphere in your home is so important.
Do all you can to create a tranquil, harmonious home.

-- Unknown

700
In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation.
Don't bring up the past.

-- Unknown

To top of page

701
It is always the best policy to tell the truth,
unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

-- Jerome K Jerome

702
An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good
habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones.

-- W. Somerset Maugham

703
Some people are born mediocre,
some people achieve mediocrity,
and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

-- Joseph Heller

704
In a mad world only the mad are sane.

-- Akira Kurosawa

705
Excess on occasion is exhilarating.
It prevents moderation from acquiring
the deadening effect of a habit.

-- W. Somerset Maugham

706
The good man is the friend of all living things.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

707
Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well.

-- Phillip Stanhope

708
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.

-- Albert Schweitzer

709
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone
discovers exactly what the Universe is for
and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

-- Douglas Adams

710
I think that maybe if women and children
were in charge we would get somewhere.

-- James Thurber

711
Every generation thinks it has the answers,
and every generation is humbled by nature.

-- Phillip Lubin

712
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.

-- Douglas Adams

713
And so, my fellow Americans:
ask not what your country can do for you -
ask what you can do for your country.

-- John F Kennedy

714
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

-- Dan Stanford

715
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
1. Home is where you hang your @.

-- Unknown

716
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

-- Unknown

717
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

-- Unknown

718
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

-- Unknown

719
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
5. Great groups from little icons grow.

-- Unknown

720
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

-- Unknown

721
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
7. C:\\ is the root of all directories.

-- Unknown

722
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
8. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

-- Unknown

723
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.

-- Unknown

724
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
10. The modem is the message.

-- Unknown

725
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

-- Unknown

726
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
12. The geeks shall inherit the earth.

-- Unknown

727
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
13. There's no place like

-- Unknown

728
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.

-- Unknown

729
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.

-- Unknown

730
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
16. What boots up must come down.

-- Unknown

731
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
1. Windows will never cease.
...Unfortunately

-- Unknown

732
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
18. Virtual reality is its own reward.

-- Unknown

733
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
19. Modulation in all things.

-- Unknown

734
PROVERBS FOR THE MILLENIUM
20. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day;
teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

-- Unknown

735
The older you get, the better you realize you were.

-- Unknown

736
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #25
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. J. Simpson

-- Unknown

737
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #24
THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION

-- Unknown

738
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #23
TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE-by Ellen DeGeneres

-- Unknown

739
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #22
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT

-- Unknown

740
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #21
HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA

-- Unknown

741
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #20
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY-by Dennis Rodman

-- Unknown

742
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #19
THE WILD YEARS-by Al Gore

-- Unknown

743
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #18
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN

-- Unknown

744
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #1
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

-- Unknown

745
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #16
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS

-- Unknown

746
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #15
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE

-- Unknown

747
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #14
DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB

-- Unknown

748
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #13
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES

-- Unknown

749
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #12
EASY UNIX

-- Unknown

750
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #11
ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE

-- Unknown

751
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #10
EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

-- Unknown

752
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #9
EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN

-- Unknown

753
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #8
FRENCH HOSPITALITY

-- Unknown

754
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #
GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES

-- Unknown

755
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #6
HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER-by Art Garfunkel

-- Unknown

756
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #5
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

-- Unknown

757
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #4
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES- by the EPA

-- Unknown

758
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #3
BOOK OF FRENCH WAR HEROES

-- Unknown

759
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #2
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
<

-- Unknown

760
Top 25 Thinnest Books, #1
THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton

-- Unknown

761
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

762
Go as far as you can see, and when you get there you will see farther.

-- Henry Drummond

763
Anger manages everything badly.

-- Statius

764

Unless a man undertakes more that he possibly can do
he will never do all that he can.

-- Orison Sweet Marden

765
The true art of memory is the art of attention.

-- Samuel Johnson

766

Great talkers are little doers.

-- Benjamin Franklin

767
Character is made by what you stand for;
reputation by what you fall for.

-- Robert Quillen

768
If I cannot do great things,
I can do small things in a great way.

-- J.P. Clarke

769
We cannot heal the wounds we do not feel.

-- S. R. Smalley

770
There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.

-- French Proverb

771
Children have more need of models than critics.

-- Joubert

772
If people speak ill of you,
live so that no one will believe them.

-- Plato

773
Those who follow the crowd are quickly lost in it.

-- Unknown

774
When a man is wrapped up in himself,
he makes a pretty small package.

-- John Ruskin

775
A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere.
Before him, I may think aloud.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

776
First keep the peace within yourself,
then you can also bring peace to others.

-- Thomas a'Kempis

777
Who dares nothing, need hope for nothing.

-- Johann von Schiller

778
Time is the most valuable coin in your life.
You and you alone will determine how that coin will be spent.
Be careful that you do not let other people spend it for you.

-- Carl Sandburg

779
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

-- Joseph F. Newton

780
Don't be afraid your life will end;
be afraid it will never begin.

-- Grace Hansen

781
Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.

-- Margaret Mitchell

782
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen
and thinking what nobody has thought.

-- Albert Szent Gyorgyi

783
Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.

-- Faith Baldwin

784
Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.

-- H. L. Mencken

785
I long to accomplish a great and noble task;
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.

-- Helen Keller

786
Women's work is always toward wholeness.

-- Mary Sarton

787
One loses many laughs by not laughing at oneself.

-- Sara Jeannette Duncan

788
The dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.

-- Unknown

789
One ought every day at least, to hear a little song,
read a good poem, see a fine picture, and,
it if were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.

-- Johannn Wolfgang von Goethe

790
The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice.

-- George Eliot

791
People who know little are usually great talkers,
while people who know much say little.

-- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

792
Character is much easier kept than recovered.

-- Thomas Paine

793
Be gentle to all, and stern with yourself.

-- Teresa of Avita

794
It has long been an axiom of mine that
the little things are infinitely the most important.

-- Arthur Conan Doyle

795
Down in their hearts, wise men know this truth;
the only way to help yourself is to help other.

-- Elbert Hubbard

796
Hope it is a risk that must be run.

-- George Bernanos

797
Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth or a wig.
How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?

-- Frank Moore Colby

798
One may be my very good friend, and not of my opinion.

-- Margaret Cavendish

799
Sad soul, take comfort,
nor forget that sunshine never failed us yet.

-- Celia Thaxter

800
Imagination is more important than knowledge.

-- Albert Einstein

To top of page

801
What is now proved was once only imagined.

-- William Blake

802
It is not enough to have a good mind.
The main thing is to use it well.

-- Rene' Descartes

803
We should not let grass grow on the path of friendship.

-- Marie Th'ere`se Rodet Geoffrin

804
It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives.

-- Samuel Johnson

805
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

-- Aesop

806
After all is said and done,
a lot more has been said than done.

-- Unknown

807
Hindsight is an exact science.

-- Unknown

808
Be wary of strong drink.
It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.

-- Unknown

809
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

-- Unknown

810
If at first you don't succeed,
give up, no use being a damn fool.

-- Unknown

811
If at first you don't succeed
you're running about average.

-- M.H. Alderson

812
Even rats learn from experience.

-- George Skarbek

813
Advertising may be described as the science
of arresting the human intelligence long
enough to get money from it.

-- Unknown

814
We are all special cases.

-- Albert Camus

815
Man is a social animal who dislikes his fellow beings.

-- Unknown

816
Money is the root of all evil,
and man needs roots.

-- Unknown

817
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.

-- Mark Twain

818
All animals are created equal,
but some are more equal than others.

-- George Orwell

819
What attracts us in a woman rarely binds us to her.

-- J.C. Collins

820
Luxury is a necessity that begins where necessity ends.

-- Coco Channel

821
It is only when they go wrong that machines
remind you how powerful they are.

-- Clive James

822
Prophecy is the wit of a fool.

-- Vladimir Nabokov

823
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.

-- John Junor

824
There is no force so powerful as
an idea whose time has come.

-- Everett Dirkson

825
The more times you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

-- Unknown

826
When I am sad, I sing,
and then the world is sad with me.

-- Unknown

827
A child of five would understand this.
Send someone to fetch a child of five.

-- Groucho Marx

828
How often I found where I should be going
only by setting out for somewhere else.

-- R. Buckminster Fuller

829
A component selected at random
from a group having 99% reliability,
will be a member of the 1% group.

-- Unknown

830
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally
toward maximum difficulty of assembly.

-- Unknown

831
A circuit protected by a fast acting fuse
will protect the fuse by blowing first.

-- Unknown

832
A little help at the right time is better
than a lot of help at the wrong time.

-- Teyve

833
Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as
taking candy from a baby' has never
tried taking candy from a baby.

-- Unknown

834
Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned.

-- D. Graeme

835
A woman, like a good piece of music,
should have a solid end.

-- F. Schubert

836
A Woman is like a teabag --
you can't tell how strong she is
until you put her in hot water.

-- Nancy Reagan

837
I'll worry about it tomorrow.

-- S. O'Hara

838
Although this sentence begins with
the word 'because', it is false.

-- Douglas R Hofstadter

839
If writers were bakers, this sentence
would be exactly a dozen words long.

-- Douglas R Hofstadter

840
The whole point of this sentence is to make clear
what the whole point of this sentence is.

-- Douglas R Hofstadter

841
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, obviously you have no conception
of the magnitude of the problem.

-- Unknown

842
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, you must be at least a foot shorter than them.

-- Unknown

843
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, you'll be the tallest person in the room.

-- Unknown

844
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, obviously you must be the headsman.

-- Unknown

845
This must be Thursday.
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

-- Arthur Dent

846
I'm sorry, sir, that line is busy till Monday.
Would you hold please?

-- Unknown

847
How can they say my life isn't a success?

-- Unknown

848
Have I not for more than sixty years
got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?

-- Cindy Adams

849
I find that a great part of the information I have was
acquired by looking up something and finding
something else on the way.

-- Franklin P. Adams

850
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of
expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

-- Joey Adams

851
Be content with your lot;
one cannot be first in everything.

-- Aesop

852
The paper burns, but the words fly away.

-- Ben Joseph Akiba

853
Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.

-- Robert Altman

854
How can I prove that I'm not crazy to people who are?

-- Unknown

855
Are we having a relationship,
Or just doing research on each other?

-- Unknown

856
You have some of my favourite problems.

-- Unknown

857
Our meetings are held to discuss many problems
which would never arise
if we held fewer meetings.

-- Unknown

858
I'm not getting paid much for staying
alive but it's good experience.

-- Unknown

859
Use your own judgement then do as I say.

-- Unknown

860
Just when I was getting used to yesterday...
Along came today.

-- Unknown

861
There's nothing wrong with growing older,
but where does it lead?

-- Unknown

862
No wonder I feel so tired -
I'm older now than I've ever been before.

-- Unknown

863
It's hard to face tomorrow, but it's
easier than facing no tomorrow.

-- Unknown

864
Let's put the blame where it belongs:
On somebody else.

-- Unknown

865
If only our great thinkers could learn to talk,
and our great talkers could learn to think!

-- Unknown

866
I always know the right thing to say...
after the right time to say it has passed.

-- Unknown

867
How can I fail when I have no purpose?

-- Unknown

868
It's hard to remain true to a changing self.

-- Unknown

869
When I find true wisdom, I'll let you know,
(if letting you know still seems important.)

-- Unknown

870
I've learned to accept birth and death...
but sometimes I still worry about what lies between.

-- Unknown

871
My life has a superb cast,
but I can't figure out the plot.

-- Unknown

872
Can this really be my life?
or has there been some mistake?

-- Unknown

873
I'm looking for freedom
- can you direct me?

-- Unknown

874
It's easier to see how funny life is
when somebody else is living it.

-- Unknown

875
It's easy to come and go...
The hard thing is to remain.

-- Unknown

876
History records no more gallant struggle
than that of humanity against the truth.

-- Unknown

877
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie'...
until you can find a rock.

-- Unknown

878
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital,
had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better.

-- Karl Marx's mother

879
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

-- Buckminster Fuller

880
Politicians should read science fiction,
not westerns and detective stories.

-- Arthur C Clarke

881
Ketterling's Law:
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.

-- Unknown

882
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday,
Wednesday,and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum
theory on Tuesday,Thursday, and Saturday.

-- William Bragg

883
Not only is there no God,
but try getting a plumber on the weekend.

-- Woody Allan

884
There are things that are so serious
that you can only joke about them.

-- Heisenberg

885
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

-- Unknown

886
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the,
intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness',
but it doesn't work.

-- Gallagher

887
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts
the job will take the longest and cost the most.

-- Warren's Rule

888
The trouble with the rat-race is that
even if you win you're still a rat.

-- Lily Tomlin

889
Experience - a comb life gives
you after you lose your hair.

-- Judith Stern

890
A liberal is a person whose inerests
aren't at stake, at the moment.

-- Willis Player

891
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults
by confessing our parents' shortcomings.

-- Laurence J Peter

892
Education is a method whereby one acquires
a higher grade of prejudices.

-- Laurence J Peter

893
Democracy is a process by which people are free
to choose the man who will get the blame.

-- Laurence J Peter

894
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

-- G J Nathan

895
Enough research will tend to support your theory.

-- Murphy's Law of Research

896
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

-- Groucho Marx

897
Every society honours its live conformists
and its dead troublemakers.

-- Mignon Mclaughlin

898
God is dead, but fifty thousand social
workers have risen to take His place.

-- Dr J D McCoughey

899
When smashing monuments, save the pedestals -
they always come in handy.

-- Stanislaw Lec

900
When you jump for joy, beware that no one
moves the ground from beneath your feet.

-- Stanislaw Lec

To top of page

901
The telephone is a good way to talk to people
without having to offer them a drink.

-- Fran Lebowitz

902
The man who smiles when things go wrong
has thought of someone he can blame it on.

-- Jones' Law

903
Experience enables you to recognise
a mistake when you make it again.

-- F P Jones

904
Boys will be boys and so will a lot of middle aged men.

-- Kin Hubbard

905
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

-- Unknown

906
God is not dead.
He is alive and working on a much less ambitious project.

-- Unknown

907
The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that you've got it made.

-- Jean Giraudoux

908
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign,
four times, definitely will.

-- John Kenneth Galbraith

909
For most men life is a search for the proper manilla
envelope in which to get themselves filed.

-- Clifton Fadiman

910
Rowe's Rule: the odds are five to six that the light at the
end of the tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train.

-- Paul Dickson

911
The only thing that stops God sending a second
Flood is that the first one was useless.

-- Nicolas Chamfort

912
If Presidents don't do it to their wives,
they do it to the country.

-- Mel Brooks

913
If its good, they'll stop making it.

-- Herbert Block

914
Buy old masters.
They fetch a better price than old mistresses.

-- Lord Beaverbrook

915
People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot
of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

-- Russell Baker

916
When the lay public rallies round to an idea that is
denounced by distinguised but elderly scientists and
supports the idea with great fervour and emotion,
the distinguised but elderly scientists
are then, after all, right.

-- Isaac Asimov

917
What passes for optimism is most often
the effect of intellectual error.

-- Raymond Aron

918
Experience is a good teacher,
but she sends in terrific bills.

-- Minna Antrim

919
A good family is one that used to be better.

-- Cleveland Amory

920
A conference is a gathering of important people
who singly can do nothing but together can
decide that nothing can be done.

-- Fred Allen

921
The most popular labour saving device
today is still a husband with money.

-- Joey Adams

922
Politics, as a practice, whatever its professions, has
always been the systematic organization of hatreds.

-- Henry Brooks Adams

923
Designed with your mind in mind by people who
have in mind what you should have in mind.

-- Unknown

924
WEILER'S LAW: Nothing is impossible for
the man who does not have to do it himself.

-- Unknown

925
FINAGLE'S LAW: Once a job is fouled up,
anything done to improve it makes it worse.

-- Unknown

926
RUDIN'S LAW: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made
among alternative courses of action, most people will
choose the worst one possible.

-- Unknown

927
UNNAMED LAW: If it happens, it must be possible.

-- Unknown

928
THE ULTIMATE PRINCIPLE: By definition, when
you are investigating the unknown - you do not
know what you will find.

-- Unknown

929
One Galileo in two thousand years is enough.

-- Pope Pius XII

930
QUIT is a four letter word!

-- PC-Hack v. 3.05

931
It figures. If there is Artificial Intelligence,
then there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

-- Unknown

932
Just because something doesn't do what you
planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.

-- T. Edison

933
Reality is for people who can't cope with fantasy.

-- Unknown

934
Reality is for people who can't cope with science fiction.

-- Unknown

935
The way to a man's heart is through his veins.

-- Unknown

936
Katz' Law:
Man and nations will act rationally when all
other possibilities have been exhausted.

-- Unknown

937
Rule 1: The boss is always right.
Rule 2: When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.

-- Unknown

938
Cynicism -- the intellectual cripple's
substitute for intelligence.

-- Russell Lynes

939
If we could sell our experiences for what
they cost us, we'd all be millionaires.

-- Abigail Van Buren

940
After all is said and done, sit down.

-- Bill Copeland

941
Egotism is the drug that soothes the pain of stupidity.

-- Unknown

942
A best-seller was a book which somehow sold
well simpliy because it was selling well.

-- Daniel Boorstin

943
Nobody can be exactly like me.
Even I have trouble doing it.

-- Tallulah Bankhead

944
It takes a long time to understand nothing.

-- Edward Dahlberg

945
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Don't miss the boat.

-- Unknown

946
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.

-- Unknown

947
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

-- Unknown

948
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Stay fit. When you're 600 years old,
someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.

-- Unknown

949
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Don't listen to critics,
just get on with what has to be done.

-- Unknown

950
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Build your future on high ground.

-- Unknown

951
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

-- Unknown

952
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Two heads are better than one.

-- Unknown

953
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Speed isn't always an advantage; after all,
the snails were on the ark with the cheetahs!

-- Unknown

954
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
When you're stressed, float a while.

-- Unknown

955
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Remember that the ark was built by amateurs;
the Titanic was built by professionals.

-- Unknown

956
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
Remember that the woodpeckers inside are
a larger threat than the storm outside.

-- Unknown

957
All I really need to know, I learned from Noah's ark...
No matter the storm, when God is
with you, there's a rainbow waiting.

-- Unknown

958
The world is full of willing people.
Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

-- Robert Frost

959
Idealism is fine, but as it approaches
reality the cost becomes prohibitive.

-- William Buckley

960
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.

-- Oscar Wilde

961
I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

-- Tom Stoppard

962
The first step towards knowledge is
to know that we are ignorant.

-- Richard Cecil

963
You cannot dream yourself into a character;
you must forge one for yourself.

-- James Froude

964
The buck stops with the guy who signs the cheques.

-- Rupert Murdoch

965
Strong reasons make strong actions.

-- Shakespeare

966
It isn't what they say about you,
it's what they whisper.

-- Errol Flynn

967
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.

-- Gary Willis

968
Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers.

-- Robert Graves

969
To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother.

-- Victor Hugo

970
Distance lends enhancement to the view.

-- Thomas Campbell

971
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

-- Don Marquis

972
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.

-- Proverb

973
Nostalgia is a seductive liar.

-- George Ball

974
It often shows a fine command of a language to say nothing.

-- Unknown

975
An intelligence test often shows how smart
one would have been not to take it.

-- Unknown

976
Wealth buys leisure, but not wisdom.

-- Unknown

977
A short saying contains much wisdom.

-- Sophocles

978
Amid a multitude of projects, no plan is devised.

-- Syrus

979
I was young and foolish then;
now I am old and foolisher.

-- Unknown

980
Women like silent men.
They think they're listening.

-- Marcel Archard

981
There is no time like the pleasant.

-- George Bergman

982
Willpower is the ability to eat one salted peanut.

-- Unknown

983
The Atomic Age is here to stay - but are we?

-- Bennet Cerf

984
Examine what is said, not who speaks.

-- Arabian Proverb

985
We have too many high sounding words,
and too few actions that correspond with them.

-- Abigail Adams

986
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.

-- Henry B. Adams

987
Marriage is give and take.
You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

-- Joey Adams

988
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

-- George Ade

989
If it were not for the presents,
an elopement would be preferable.

-- George Ade

990
An infallible method of conciliating a
tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured.

-- Konrad Adenauer

991
A house is not a home.

-- Polly Adler. American madam.

992
I don't think my parents liked me.
They put a live teddy bear in my crib.

-- Woody Allen

993
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard-
let him worry about cutting it.

-- Fred Allen

994
Life is not fair; get used to it.

-- Bill Gates

995
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year
right out of high school. You won't be a
vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.

-- Bill Gates

996
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you
get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

-- Bill Gates

997
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping;
they called it opportunity.

-- Bill Gates

998
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

-- Bill Gates

999
Before you were born, your parents' weren't as boring as they are
now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes
and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you
save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation,
try "delousing" the closet in your own room.

-- Bill Gates

1000
Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life has not. In some schools they have abolished
failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want
to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest
resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

-- Bill Gates

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